It seems I screwed up not finishing the prologue first. The revenge won't matter too much because he won't be able to take it with the story I have in mind. I'm more like trying to give a brief and quick overview quickly or maybe that's a bad thing.

Regarding passive and detached could you elaborate as I'm sort of confused on what you mean?

Also the novel writing style I'm focusing on are Chinese novels and they're pretty popular for throwing things right at your face quick and easy with details and information you don't really need to know.

Thank you very much for this! First off to say some things I was looking for "Yes I'm interested and feedback if possible so your help is greatly appreciated. Concerning grammar mistakes and so on, those will be corrected after I spot them/others do or when I finish and go back over it. I'll start going through on it tomorrow writing more.

1. It's late and I really wanted to see if this will be possible (if people are interested) or not so I couldn't write too much before I go to sleep (I can't sleep atm).

2. Actually this is just the beginning. He'll go through a drastic change, but you're right. I'm not too sure on how I will make him connect to the readers as I'm not very good at that. Tips will be appreciated. Also though keep in mind this is ancient China and like I said this is a dog eat dog world, most people will use brute force instead of thinking through to do stuff. Also he's an orphan and uneducated and since he has nobody to guide him it's easy to drift off to a violent path.

3.  Actually I meant to pass off his death of his parents easily as I want to show the readers death is easy in this world and nobody cares or makes too big of a deal. I'm not sure what else to do to fix this if my writing style is not appealing so tips here too!

4. Again grammar will be fixed when I or others spot them (Like you! )

5. This!!! I was wondering should I let the readers know if he was muttering, saying out loud or in thought. Thank you a lot! Also cursing from the start is to give it more of a "I'm desperate" kind of feel...not sure if that worked out. Regarding comic relief or connecting the character..I'm not looking to make this story light..but there will be brief moments of these. Comic relief and connecting will probably be the hardest to me. Regarding the cursing, I kind of like cursing as it vents out frustration so this is definitely my part I need to work on. Also I don't think anybody can really connect to him later on..as he becomes what you call "too op".

6. You're right about this and also maybe not. I was thinking readers might want to know this information early on instead of me stuffing it in later on. I like to put too much details and explaining things so this could be a problem... This can indeed work later on for development though...

All in all I'm using novels as my base for this...so maybe that's why since I'm sort of imitating their style. But hey, I'll work on it tomorrow and hopefully you can come back to check it again and this time it'll be better (I hope). Good luck on that report though!

Hello guys, first story and this is based on ancient China but with powers. I will use Chinese names and blend different mythologies and races into this. If you guys are interested I'll continue this and ask for feedback!

There will be cursing, violence and perhaps sexual content. So if you don't like these this won't be for you.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/viewer/default.aspx?StoryId=45502