KingHoldz, The Reader
Greetings, puny peasants…
I am King Holdz. I’m also known to be called Holdz the Great, The Supreme Emperor and, of course, O Mighty Saviour. I have come to this barren wasteland you call a website because it was, and still is, in desperate need of my help. So here I am! You can thank me later. Actually, you do not need to thank me, because by reading this word, you have now become one of my many worshippers, so I must thank you! Your complete and utter devotion to me is rewarded with a celebratory toot toot. Toot toot!
Yours sincerely, King Holdz, whom you now worship.