Here you go, have fun. Still not picking a prompt for next time
Unwind 2
You come home after a hard day of work at the porno shop.
Instead of going through your new routine of masturbating with your unloaded pistol, you decide to try to engage in your other hobby, which is writing shitty lesbian erotica.
Not because you’re a lesbian mind you, but for some reason it sort of calls to you as a purer form of love, since every time you write about a girl and dude together, it always turns into the girl marrying her rapist. And while that gets you off, you probably should try to avoid seeing the act of rape as something to get turn on by.
In any case, your progress goes about as well as it always does. Namely you write one sentence and then get fucking distracted by the Internet, especially when you start interacting with “people.”
Maiden4Ever: I think I should just scrap this.
YuriLover: No Suzy! You do that with everything! Just keep writing. It’ll be fine. I’m sure of it.
Maiden4Ever: But it’s complete fucking shit. This isn’t true love. Or at least not the true love I’m going for. This is just lesbian pirates fucking each other with their peg legs.
YuriLover: What’s wrong with that?
Maiden4Ever: Because I’m trying to write something meaningful, not something that’s just going to be pleasure material.
YuriLover: But isn’t that sort of the point?
Maiden4Ever: Maybe, but I still want depth! I mean sure it’s all consensual and it’s not rapey, but there’s no real love here. None of these characters are happy. Not really. How the fuck could they be? They’re stuck at sea barely fighting off scurvy and the Royal Navy. All they’re doing is fucking to take their mind off things.
YuriLover: Maybe the problem is you don’t have enough sex scenes.
Maiden4Ever: I know what the problem is. I’m too fucking cynical and not a happy person. How the hell can I write about someone finding true love and living happily ever after when I’ve never known it myself?
YuriLover: Sounds like you need to make yourself happier. Hey you know that one guy that used to come in here and talk about his furry artwork?
Maiden4Ever: Ugh. Don’t remind me. You talking about Vincent Vango right?
YuriLover: Yeah, well I was having a private chat with him once and he said he used to drink yellow paint to invite happiness inside him.
Maiden4Ever: And he’s a fucking retard. I’m not drinking paint to make myself happy. In fact that would rank up there with dating outside my race as far as my list of things that wouldn’t make me happy.
YuriLover: Wait, what?
Maiden4Ever: Hold on, somebody is at the door, I’ll talk to you later Julie.
You get dressed and go to the door, wondering who the hell it is. Though if it’s fucking Mormons again, you’re not sure if you aren’t going to shoot one of them or not.
You check the peephole and see someone just as unwelcome. It’s your creepy cousin Mary. To be honest, you aren’t sure if you aren’t going to shoot her. She’s holding something in her hand. Looks like a canvas.
Reluctantly you open the door just so she’ll stop knocking.
“Mary, what the hell are you doing, banging on the door like you’re police?” you demand.
“But Suzy, you told me not to sneak in like a cat burglar anymore, so I’m knocking your door.” Mary responds.
“…well ask a stupid question…anyway… I hope you aren’t here to ask if you and your brother can live with me again. I’m still pissed I caught a fucking cold from you assholes and while I know you wouldn’t know it, it’s not fucking fun having to work while you’re sick.”
“I’m really sorry about that. I know you said no kissing, but I just couldn’t help myself, I felt just so loved being between you and Martin and…”
“Alright! Alright! Let’s not talk about it. Look, what do you want?”
“Oh! Here. Martin said you like money so he thought in gratitude for letting us stay here, he said I should give you this.”
Mary hands you a couple hundred dollars. You’re a little surprised.
“Hm, well I suppose this doesn’t make up for ALL the shit I’ve put up with from you two, but it isn’t unwelcome.” You say.
“Thanks, hey um, could use your bathroom? I drank a big gulp and I really gotta pee!” Mary says.
“What? Fine. Come in, you know where it is.”
Mary comes in and puts her canvas against a nearby chair and makes haste to the bathroom.
While Mary’s taking a piss, you take the opportunity to see what’s on this canvas.
You look at it and it’s a picture of Mary. It’s a pretty good likeness actually. Got the hair right and everything.
Soon Mary comes back out of the bathroom.
“Oh good, you’re looking at your other gift! Isn’t it great? It’s a self portrait!” Mary shouts excitedly.
“YOU painted this? Didn’t know you painted Mary.” You say.
“Yeah, but I usually don’t have the focus to finish anything.”
“Hmm, I know the feeling…wait. Did you say this was a gift?”
“Well yeah, you can hang this up and always be reminded of me, your favorite cousin!”
“Just because we’ve known each other biblically doesn’t exactly make you my favorite…but I guess you’re trying. Which is more than I can say for most in the family. Anyway getting back to something you said earlier. You said you don’t usually have the focus to finish painting anything. What did you do to get focused?”
“Oh that. It was something Martin came up with and it worked really well!”
“Martin came up with something that worked? I find that hard to believe, but I’m willing to try anything at this point.”
“Oh it definitely works, it’s a little unorthodox. I didn’t know you painted too.”
“Nah, I write sometimes and I find it difficult to finish anything. So what’s this thing that Martin said that got you to focus?”
“Well it wasn’t something he said, so much as it was something he did.”
“Gonna stop you right there, Mary. Martin is NOT fucking me in the ass.”
“No! It’s nothing like that! Geez! It’s um, well it probably would be better if he just showed you.”
“(Sigh) Fine, tell him to come over and…wait…he’s already here isn’t he?”
You suddenly feel a heavy blow to the back of the head and everything goes black.
In a couple hours you eventually wake up in your den where you do all your writing. The back of your head is sore, but at least that’s ALL that’s sore and nobody did anything unseemly to you while you were unconscious.
You notice that almost everything in the room has been removed save for the computer and Mary’s picture is hanging up on the left wall. You also notice that the door is closed and the single window in the room has been boarded up. You try the door and it’s barred from the outside of course.
This asshole just basically locked you in a room with no food, no water and boarded up your fucking window.
You’d be a little more concerned, if the idiot hadn’t also left the hammer near the said boarded up window, which means you could easily claw out the nails and they aren’t even solidly driven in all way into the wood anyway.
You inspect the computer and see a note has been written to you on it.
Dear Suzy,
Sorry about springing all this on you so suddenly, but this is the way Martin did it for me, though without the whole hitting part. I think he wanted to get back at you for pistol-whipping him that one time.
Anyway, we’ll be back in a few days to check in on you, we made copies of your keys so we can come and go now without having to sneak in or disturb you by knocking.
I think you’ll find without the distractions, you’ll get much more accomplished! Good luck with your writing!
Mary
P.S. I hung the picture of me in the room to give you inspiration!
You make a mental note of two things you need to do after you pry the boards from the window and that’s one; change the locks on your house. And two, you are SO kicking Martin’s ass the next time you see him.
You sit at the computer and delete the note before instinctively trying to access the Internet. You don’t get anything though; apparently Martin knew enough to disconnect you from your major source of distraction.
“Meh, might as well try it, I can kick his ass later.” You say to yourself.
You begin to write.
FIN
