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Black Boiling Coffee

5 years ago

There was no electricity because of Typhoon Mangkuht/Super Typhoon Ompong so I wrote a ridiculously short story (less than 100 words). I could probably use this for my poetry writing class. 

 

-- Beginning of Story --

Black Boiling Coffee

The sudden jolt of energy.

The burning sensation going down your throat.

The bitter taste filling your being.

 

That's the feeling when you see someone die.

-----

"Bring him to the ER!", someone shouted.

I waited outside, coffee-stained, bitter, angry.

"Dad..."

-----

The sudden jolt of energy.

The burning sensation going down your throat.

The bitter taste filling your being.

 

That's the feeling when you remember someone die.

I've felt that feeling everyday, 9 AM for the past eternity.

 

But today, it won't be me feeling that.

-----

I brewed some coffee for my husband before he woke up.

-- End of Story --

 

I do like it though, I tried to write several layers into it.

Black Boiling Coffee

5 years ago
Your school has a poetry class? That's cool. We all went through a phase here when poetry was being posted a lot, there was a ballad contest and @Romulus was doing prompt threads. I tend to stick to free-form myself to excuse the fact I can't identify meter at all.

Anyway probably repeating myself here but I really enjoy the stuff you post, you have a distinctive style and flash fiction is much harder than it looks. I got that she was going to kill herself but what happened with the dad was a little ambiguous. Eventually I settled on him doing the same, although 'angry, bitter' isn't the first reaction I'd jump to it was obviously more traumatic than a regular death to still be haunting her, plus it just makes more sense to reference one with the other.

I really like the connection with the coffee and the bitter past experience anyhow, it's not one I would've ever made but it fits well the way you've written it.