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Be; a Poem By Asher Childress

one month ago

This poem is about my brother. I wrote it when he was spending too much time with his friends and girlfriend. We used to spend lots of time together daily, and when I wrote this he was almost always away from the house and wouldn't even respond to my texts. 

Hope you enjoy!

Be

He was my best friend

He was there for all of my life

He seemed like he could do anything

He looked out for me

I don’t understand

Don’t understand why he would do this to me

 

I know he tries

Tries to stay with me

But he has left

Left to simply be

 

When I see him

I see him and me

Not giving a damn

About what people see

 

I know I should be happy

Happy about what they are going to be

But he has left

Left to simply

 

Be.

Be; a Poem By Asher Childress

one month ago

I liked this, it's very simple and clear and I don't really feel like criticizing anything (for real this time lol) because I couldn't point out an error, it's too subjective.

You added some alternate rhymes (only one sound though) this time, and that gives a touch of musicality. You also keep being fond of repetitions (anaphors, iterations) and in this case they work; the final spacing before "Be" works so well precisely because it was a repeated phrase, in my opinion.

Be; a Poem By Asher Childress

one month ago

eff it. I wrote a wall of text that disappeared when I closed the tab by mistake. 
I'm so mad.
The criticism will have to wait.

 

Be; a Poem By Asher Childress

one month ago

Lol I know the feeling, it happened to me too a bunch of times.