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This is just something that I decided to write. The motivation hit me so I went with it. I did proofread it before hand, and I do plan on continuing. This is about what I am capable of at the moment as a writer, and any feedback, or tips on improving would be greatly appreciated. I am trying to widen my skill, and eventually I might even become competent. Who knows? Anyway I hope you enjoy

Adam

The familiar sound of gravel crunching under his feet. The sight of everything he knew fading from his view. The feeling of burning every bridge, using every friend, and regretting his choices, only to do the exact same thing again. It was almost a pattern by now. He was used to these feelings. They shouldn't be able to hurt him anymore. 

Nonetheless there was always one friend. Always one person, who only wanted to help. Always one bridge that was hardest to burn. 

Funny how all of the orphanages tried so hard to prevent him from leaving, but once he was out of town it was like he never existed. No one came for him. 

"Just run. Your worthless anyway. The longer you stay, the more you will hurt those you leave behind. You know you will do it anyway. So why wait for a fit of anger to come along? Just do it now. It is better that way."

His own thoughts betrayed him, and while he did ignore them, they always ended up correct. No one cared about him. The only people who did he betrayed. 

"I'm not in the wrong. I just left them before they could leave me. It was self defense."

While he tried to justify his actions, he knew that his argument was wrong deep inside himself. Though humans will do anything they can to shift blame, and he was no exception.

He has been running for two hours now. He had to be approaching the next town soon. Once he was there he would start over. He would beg some shady guy to take him in exchange for work. Live in some dusty basement for four years until he is legal, then beg for money on the streets. Not the best life, but far better than he deserved.

Rain started pouring. Slowly at first, but quickly evolving into extreme winds and jets of water falling from the sky. Nevertheless he marched on. Marching for an unknown distance, through uncanny weather, for an uncertain outcome.

After about four hours of walking the town was nowhere to be seen. He knew it couldn't be far, but in this weather he had to stop. He walked over to a pine tree near the road and laid under it. With the tree as partial shelter, and rain sounds pounding his ears, he drifted into unconsciousness.

This is really good. Nice job!

Hmm. Here's what I think:

There is a very specific mood set throughout this short story. This Adam has some deep personal issues. I'm not sure if your intent is to make us feel sorry for him. Based on the story, I really don't feel any empathy towards him. There's nothing that really draws me to him. If the story went Tragic Event Changes Adam and This Is Why He's So Damn Emo, than maybe I'd feel something. He's sort of displayed as Anakin whiny.

As far as the structure goes, I'd revisit the length and flow. Far too often it feels like a sentence goes on, and doesn't stop, and keeps going. There are some commas where they shouldn't be too. For example: "Always one person, who only wanted to help". Also, I'm pretty sure the first three sentences are incomplete.

Thanks for the feedback!

As for your first criticism, there is a tragic event. I just haven't reveled it yet. Do you think there is anything I could do to make the reader more drawn to him, before I revel what it is? Or is that even necessary?

As for your more technical criticism, I'm try to work on that. The sentence that you pointed out felt the most awkward to read aloud. I almost removed the secound part, but I didn't. Without it I like the flow of the that paragraph better though.

My pleasure. Typically a relatable characteristic/quality or weird quirk will draw me to a character. It sounds simple, but just make him likeable or intriguing enough to read about (even if I don't like him). I don't think it's necessary to release the tragedy in order to make the reader more sympathetic. Based on his thoughts/actions, I think most people would guess his past is shitty. There's just not a lot (in this excerpt) to make us care. I think if you fleshed out a reason for us to continue reading, the tragic event could be a great way of building suspense before the ultimate reveal.

Stfu edgefag

You aren't supposed to be writing until you're 16.

Thanks! Your information has been helpful. I can't wait to use it to better myself as a writer 

I have to agree with a lot of what ninjapitka said. The writing was good if a bit odd at some places. The main issue is that Adam is just so unlikable. He just really seems very ungrateful and edgy to me. It really makes it hard to care about him or his reasons for running away. But without telling us his reasons for why he is how he is, the best thing you could probably do is just expand this story a bit.  Give us a bit more interaction with him, and a reason to be invested in him. Either way this was an interesting start. I look forward to reading the next part. 

Oh, and a minor thing but you used the wrong form of you're in the fourth paragraph ("your worthless" instead of "you're worthless"). I tend to do that a lot too so it helps to just look through my work for times I used your/you're or there/their/they're and make sure I used the correct one. 

Thanks for your feedback. I've outlined some major points, and after settling on his past I now need to make the reader like him. I'll try writing more and try what ninja suggested

Good job man, it takes a lot of confidence to post so good job on your story. Glad that your trying to get better

Turning this into a storygame. I already have a solid idea of where the plot is headed, and it seems pretty contained to me as it is location based and I know how it ends. Here is the first page, and if you want to give feedback please do so.

(Also to anyone who doesn't know, me and serpent are the same person. Not going to get into why here)

Adam started running. He wanted nothing more than to stay in that lovely town forever, living a carefree life. Everything there was just so amazing, and compared to the alternative, perfect. Though he knew that there was no way he could do that. If he were to stay put, he would be letting her down. Not to mention they would be catching up to him soon. So he ran away from that orphanage in the night, bringing nothing but his clothes, food, and water with him.

 

He had been through this before and knew what he needed to do, as well as how to go about it. He had been careful to only go to small towns, that way it would be easy to escape from them when the time came. He had gone through this procedure so many times by this point, though that never made it hurt any less. In fact the pain only seemed to grow larger within him, swelling like a pimple of pain, just waiting to burst. 

 

He had tried getting close to people in the past, though he had learned that the warmth of their comfort could not even begin to compare to the flames that consumed him every time he had to leave them behind.

 

He would be getting close now. After two years of hopping from town to town, making his way to the coastal town of Melden, he finally was within arms reach of it. His feet smashed against the dirt, making for a wonderful, rhythmic pounding. This was who he was always meant to be. A free spirit, running towards a goal, that for so long had eluded him. 

 

After running for a while he had to make a choice. If properly rationed his food and water he got from the last village would last for seven days. He knew that on the way to Melden there was a well established city that he could go to. They had a proper orphanage, and he would most likely be put there. He was sixteen and all. He had heard that it treated it’s members well, so he would get decent freedom and the rations he needed to make it to Melden. Though the main problem would be escaping. While he would get decent freedom, it was a well guarded city. Leaving could prove troublesome, should he choose to go there.

 

Though that wasn’t his only option. He also knew of a small village. While he didn’t know much about it, he presumed that it would be easier to escape from, for how could a small village compare to a giant city? However he did wonder about supplies and treatment. They may be too low to give them to some random boy, and they also might mistreat him. It would be a gamble.

 

However there always was the third option. He could just walk to Melden without stopping. Sure his supplies might not make it that far, but he could just eat and drink sparingly. The only feasible route would be a ten day walk through the forest though, and there are other dangers there besides starvation and dehydration. Though he wouldn’t have to escape, and he would get there faster, so that was a plus.

 

He sat under a tree pondering his choices for a long while, though eventually he knew what the correct choice was. What did he pick?

Reached 1k words today. 2 pages.