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10 years ago

The protagonist comes home one day with their entire city abandoned.
Bikes are left on the side of the road. Toys are still placed on the front gardens. Front doors wide open. Cars still parked in the driveways.

But then a loud explosion happens. Followed by a loud booming sound echoing in your eardrums. You crouch to the floor holding your ears as the booming continues, memories flood through your head and then suddenly, the booming stops.

X-SurVive: Preview Paragraph

10 years ago

Uhh... In the finished version, are you going to refer to the main character as "The Protagonist?"

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10 years ago

In the finished version.

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10 years ago

Oh... Well you should probably change that bit. Just in general, the protagonist shouldn't be referred to as "The Protagonist" in the actual story. I mean, imagine if you were reading Harry Potter and it said;

The protagonist pulled out his wand and pointed it at the arch-villain. "You will never get away with this arch-villain!" He yelled. "I will make you pay for murdering expendable side-character!"

Also you later go on to refer to the main character as "You". Either the main character is supposed to be the player or it's somebody else. If it's someone else, you should call them by their name. If the player is supposed to be the main character, you need to call them "You" all the time.