As I've had a new comment on my game that has brought up different points to earlier comments, I'd like to respond to them, admittedly this thread is kind of old, but it will be good to have a record of my thoughts for when I refine this story sometime after the contest.
Before I do though, just an off-topic note - a commenter stated I 'down-rated several games with (my) recent comments.' Let's just set the record straight - of all the contest entries, I gave three a higher rating than the current average, four a lower rating than the current average, and I rated the rest the same as they were already. Yes, my comments to the contest entries were pointed, but that's what makes a good review - giving credit where credit is due, and indicating very clearly where and how the story can be improved.
I have nothing to add to the comment on my output, other than thanks for the praise.
There were a few new criticisms of the format and length of the story. I accept that there are some typos, for a story of this size to be written in such a time, this is inevitable, although I don't think it overly detracts from the story. Of course, it would be nice for these to be pointed out, so I may correct them. As for the criticism of the lack of flow of the story, I had originally assumed this was just for the transition from the homeless life to the forest survival/dream survival, but I think it is a broader criticism that the story does not flow in general. I find this criticism a bit hard to understand - there is a natural progression in the protagonist's life in the story, as well as the depth of his thoughts and the new skills and confidence he acquires as time goes on. The story follows a consistent pattern of the protagonist struggling with something and overcoming it to succeed in life, only to have that taken away, throwing him back into life's struggles, in this case for survival. So I would be interested to have a specific example (aside from the transition from the homeless life to the forest survival, which I already addressed in the previous post), as it's not possible for me to apply this feedback to my future work if I do not understand it.
The commenter also noted that 'some pages tended to blur together causing it to become almost boring'. Once again, I find this criticism difficult to understand, although of course I would very much like to. I feel each page was divided appropriately, either indicating a specific time (e.g. what you did in the day/night) or a specific event (or part of it, in the case of a puzzle/riddle/important interaction). But being made aware of a particular page where this transition in time or the interaction would of course only make the updated version of the story better as I could then refine the page. Is it the ellipses that have this effect? Well, boring is a subjective term, but I can understand that a story largely focused on a man's fight for survival and how he has to develop emotionally/socially and learn new skills will not appeal to everybody. Well, on every page you are faced with a decision that will seriously affect your safety, earnings or resources, with branching paths for several of the sub-optimal choices, so I can say I tried my hardest in the time.
Finally, as for 'nothing to really make me like the character', I'm going to put this down to ignorance, possibly due to unfairly stigmatising the character on the basis of his condition. But again, it's a risk one takes with the concept of this story.
Furthermore, the commenter essentially declared that the puzzle section of the game was unplayable. Well, I checked which pages had no links before publishing, and there were four in total. I made sure all of them would be changed by using a specific (or in certain cases, any) item. This has been done in several games on the site, so I believe the criticism of 'unfinished pages' stems from a misunderstanding of the game and how the items are to be used. I'll freely admit that the forest section had its flaws (I already indicated a couple earlier), but I am interested to know any others you found so I may correct them in the future.
To be honest, I don't really see what was confusing about Chapter 2 (the village maze) - it was indicated in the note that the people in the village are out to get the protagonist, and that therefore avoiding the people would be imperative. Perhaps you did not keep track of what time it was in the story, which is quite important to avoiding contact with the village people (except in rare cases, where you have the tiger skin to camouflage yourself).
While it doesn't relate directly to the game, I also received a complaint that the walkthrough was hard to read or understand. Well, other than a typo of 'The Cottage House' being T32 when it should be T31, it was as clear as it could possibly be - I spelled out every single action one needs to do to get to the end, without a single superfluous word. I also just ran through the section again, and nothing was out of order or missing - so, to be blunt, the commenter didn't read the walkthrough properly. As for the last couple of parts, the reader could view the map of the place by using the map you can pick up at the village, and furthermore, when you are at the locked door, surely it is obvious that you should try to open the door with the keys? I will stop here as I am slightly insulted by the very critical remarks that are quite obviously out of place, and don't wish to speculate.
As for the large puzzle not being fun, too hard and not engaging, well...that is a view of it, though I do struggle a little to understand someone being disengaged by a puzzle where you are trying to survive, avoid various obstacles, use different items for different purposes and predict when people will be in certain places. I would appreciate any suggestions on what types of puzzles you would find most appealing, so I may cater to such a taste in future storygames.
Finally, as for the puzzles themselves, the commenter stated that 'there weren't many puzzles in your game'. Either the commenter does not remember the definition of a 'puzzle' given by Sethaniel for the contest, or is simply being disingenuous. I have not counted the number of puzzles/riddles in this game, but I would guess that there are at least thirty (I am counting every correct item usage as a puzzle). As for the difficulty of the puzzles, yes they are challenging, but for most of them, you could guess them and get to the answer relatively quickly and progress with the story if one is really stuck. The puzzle at the old smithy is an old classic that can be found on Google, while the one at the school can either be avoided, or you get the answer pretty much given to you at a certain place, as I point out in my walkthrough. I can accept that some people will get frustrated by a logic puzzle, you can't please everyone.
It's somewhat unfortunate that, while several criticisms were made of my storygame, there weren't any suggestions as to how the storygame could be improved to remedy these supposed problems. I do hope that the comment was not intended as some 'pay-back' for my honest review of the commenter's most recently published story. Ultimately, the point of making these comments is to show the author what elements of the story we appreciated, and how they can improve for the future.
TL;DR:
- I feel my comments on the other games were constructive, indicating where stories delivered and how they could be improved.
- In comparison, the commenter's review I have replied to here, while bringing up several supposed issues, doesn't offer any suggestions on how to fix/improve them, which I invite here.
- I can't see any evidence for the story prior to the forest survival section not flowing, though I would be very happy to be notified of any such pages where the transition could be improved.
- The commenter finds a constant fight for survival, and fitting in on an emotional level in a new environment while battling grief for what was lost boring. I consider it an unusual taste for stories, but there you go.
- Not everyone is going to connect with the protagonist the same way, of course, but to say there is 'nothing to like' about him could only be said if the story was not read or comprehended properly.
- There are some issues in the puzzles, but the game is still playable, and unless specific problems are brought up, I'll assume the commenter exaggerated the issue, as from my playthroughs (with the exception of the cave option), the game is not affected in a way it shouldn't be from the largely cosmetic mistakes.
- Chapter 2 and that later section of the walkthrough was very clear, it is hard for me to understand what elements the commenter found confusing in their playthrough.
- The puzzles were criticised harshly, but they could be worked out with brute force, avoided/given the answer to, or in the case of the logic puzzle, searched easily on the internet.
- So while one can certainly respect the commenter's right to an opinion, one can also respect my right to question how much of it is substantiated by evidence, and invite any problems to be brought up more concretely (with reference to specific pages of the story) so they may be fixed in the future.
