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Alright people of CYS. A group of my friends have been getting into riddles lately, so I thought the topic might interest you bunch. If you are interested just post a riddle and see others struggle to solve it, or post solving a riddle. I figured this would be a nice exercise in thinking as well as some sort of poetry.

A few notes...

I suggest posting riddles of your own making rather than stealing them from riddles.com. I mean you could always do that, but you run the risk of someone googling the riddle and solving it that way. That way, your riddle would not only get solved, but you'd also be exposed for being a fake. 

The only prize there is is the satisfaction of knowing you're more intelligent than the rest of your fellow Cystians. (Assuming you are actually good at riddles and what not.) Of course, if the mods want to reward people then all the better. 

 I'll start off with an easy one.

-----

White as snow

But black inside

If the liquid does flow

then life will abide.

People are afraid of me

Fear for me, falls from above

What I cannot see

They will love

My loved ones will die 

While I'm still alive

What am I?

A Tornado?

Nope.

This is a wild guess: a pathogen.

No.

A cloud?

Not that one either.

Oh that's easy, a grapefruit!

To quote Donald Trump, "Wrong!"

A cloud?

E: Whoops, already guessed.

I'm going to steal one of @Saika 's guesses: innocence

Nope.

Whilst I doubt it's what you're going for, I feel semen is an appropriate answer. One sperm survives while its loved ones die, people are definitely afraid of it and its repercussions, life comes when the liquid of it flows, it is white as snow, no soul inside though so its "black" inside, and usually comes from the person on top. People also fear for it, like those old Catholics, as its deposited directly in it never sees what everyone loves (the actual vagina).

I'll be disappointed in you if this isn't the answer, to be honest.

Ha...no. Not what I was going for at all. I'll deal with the disappointment.

I feel whatever your answer is, mine's better then.

Sperm cannot feel love, so your assessment of sperm as the answer is off by a bit. My answer, isn't off at all. IMO at least, and I expect in others' as well. That is, if the answer is guessed.

A shit ton of riddles are written from the perspective of things that can't communicate or think, that doesn't make them any less accurate. "Loved ones" could very easily refer to the brothers and sisters that are other sperm cells.

They could make them less accurate in comparison to something that actually is accurate. i.e. The riddle could refer to friends, pets or family, and that would a lot more accurate than sperm. You may be right in that it could have been sperm, and so I retract my earlier statement. Sperm may be able to feel love... so long as it is in the context of a riddle. Regardless of that, my other earlier statement stands true. My answer is more accurate than that of yours.

Just saw this, fuck you, vampies aren't alive so your answer was bollocks and inaccurate.

I might need to think about this one for a while...

Ninja editor. Guess I can't tell you your wrong. Yet.

I just posted a serious answer, so I guess you can.

The Earth's core?

Nope.

It has come to my attention that a hint may be needed. I've always had trouble on riding the fine line between not giving enough of a hint, and giving away too much. But here goes... 

-------

It is a being.

Ah, no.

HINT IS ABOVE

That's not very helpful. A better hint would be explaining a part of the riddle in more detail (ex: what the "liquid" is)

I considered that, but it would have given way to much away imo.

EDIT: And that's another hint in of itself.

By way of hint,

The word "black" in the second line could be replaced with "dead."

Nope.

Indeed. It is a vampire. 

Its fear falling from above refers to sunlight. The liquid is blood. What it cannot see is its reflection, and vampires are kinda made out to be attractive. Hence the love part. A vampire is immortal, so therefore all of its loved ones would die before it. 

Congrats mizal.

Oxygen molecules.

A grapefruit!

Then it must be a shirt pocket.

Uh, lame. Vampires can just as easily be ugly as fuck like Count Orlok from Nosferatu or Dracula or Varney, and they sure as shit don't feel love for pathetic mortals.

More importantly, if liquid flows, life doesn't abide. This riddle was stupid and broken, and you should feel bad. One person dies from having their blood drained, the other person is undead and there's no life there.

Meanwhile, Steve's answer works.

So a vampire can't love another vampire? Pretty sure that's happened in a lot of vampire-related works. Their loved ones would therefore die only if they were not other vampires, and if none of them were humans turned into vampires. This also assumes we mean "die" in the sense of dying of old age only.

As good a riddle as it was, it still seems kinda flawed. I spent a bit of time convinced that "falling from above" referred to rain or something, and started thinking about fricking snowmen.

@Chanbot For some reason it won't let me reply to you. Anyway, your answer is incorrect.

No.

You might wanna put a comma after "fear". It's a little ambiguous otherwise.

Alright, here goes my serious guess:

Is it an egg/chicken?

Regretfully, no.

Shucks.

Do we get any hints?

Intentional. Probably wouldn't have posted a riddle with flaws that easily recognized. 

I'll do one.

I can make it hot.

I can make it cold.

I can make the Earth rotate.

Things are destroyed within me.

Things are created within me.

Nothing can last within me forever.

I pass every day, yet I never die,

What am I?

Oh that's easy! A grapefruit!

You must like grapefruit. That is not the answer, though I wish it was. If a Grapefruit held that much power, we could all be Gods!

Actually I hate grapefruit.

Really the grapefruit answer is a reference to something I doubt anyone here is going to know and only I would find amusing in the first place because I got a weird sense of humor.

I'm assuming you're referencing the YouTube video "Grapefruit your man".

Actually, I'm probably wrong.

No.

It's from an old Infocom text game called "Leather Goddess of Phobos"

During your adventure in trying to build a machine to stop her from taking over earth at one point you're at a Martian sultan's palace who asks you a riddle. If you get it right you get to have sex with one of his harem girls. If you get it wrong you get fed to some alien beast.

Before you even get a chance to answer the question, the dude you're traveling with suddenly blurts out an answer.

"Oh that's easy! A grapefruit!"

Of course that's the wrong answer and he gets ripped apart by the sultan's alien beasts, then you have to answer the riddle correctly or suffer the same fate.

(Your friend isn't dead for long though since he gets killed multiple times in the game and then will suddenly pop up again explaining how he managed to survive)

Wow. I was so off.

I need an infocom emulator to play that right?

I think all the old Infocom games are online for free somewhere. Or at least there was a site that had them.

I know there’s an app called “Lost Treasures of Infocom” that has almost all of them.

Cool. I'm gonna go looking for that then.

A cloud?

Nope.

The Sun?

Good guess, but no.

Time.

That answer could work, but no.

Time passes everyday but never end, the only thing that makes the Earth rotate is time passing, things are created and destroyed within time, nothing lasts forever and as time goes on things can get hotter and colder, like food cooling or a planet increasing in heat because you guys didn't listen to Al Gore.

If once again I've found a better answer to this then the one thought of, I'll be even more annoyed than I usually am towards you.

SPAAAAAAACE

Huh, not sure how I missed it, whoops.

Might as well guess again...
Wind?

Life. Gravity. The universe. Atmospheric pressure.

The sun will die.

How so?

Edit: Also, doesn't make things cold.

Just did, lots of theories, nothing solid. Time is eternal, cunt.

I suspect that none of my answers are correct so far, so I will go for another guess: Water.

Wind. Humanity. Love. Death.

Right, as I'm almost certain the answer doesn't work and hence we'll never get it, tell us, Minnie.

Is it Weather?

Saika was correct: It was indeed Atmospheric Pressure. Though Steve's answer was probably better, just not the one I had in mind.

How the fuck does atmospheric pressure make the earth rotate, you fucking clown, or nothing can last forever within it? You absolute uppity fucking monkey, screw you.

I goddamn knew my answer was better than Minnie's.

WHAT?

I wasn't even being serious with that one. I just threw that in because atmosphere on its own didn't quite fit. Oh well.

A grapefruit!

Grapefruit was shit and you shouldn't have done it. Once again, Steve is needed to give a better answer.

Canopic Jars, because they could be made of gold and held the blood red heart and other organs inside of a great king slain in a war against conquering Romans who brought in new coins with the head of the enemy leader minted on them. In the afterlife the king's spirit is reborn everyday, but his canopic jars have been pillaged by grave-robbers in the modern day. A bitter fate, but the amber that Egyptians used to preserve mummies in their religion helps keep him somewhat preserved, and thus his legacy is unending.

My country isn't a good climate for them.

Here’s an old one

I can make a gray sky blue
I can make it rain whenever I want it to
I can build a castle from a single grain of sand
I can make the seasons change with just a wave of my hand

I can turn a river into a raging fire
I can live forever if I so desire
I can change anything from old to new
But the thing I want to do the most, I’m unable to do

What am I?

A filthy Scottish whore?

Okay guys, this one is tricky and hard, be prepared.

This is a bitter yet sweet citrus fruit, oh and its somewhat sour.

What is it? 

Mizal beat you to it, you dumb basic bitch, she is your superior.

Huh? But the answer isn't grapefruit, fag.

Guess again.  

From now on, my answer to every riddle is going to be a grapefruit, just like my answer to those Rorschach pictures all look like vaginas.

Think perpendicular.

An orange?

Depends on the type of orange, but you know what... this riddle was exceptionally advanced so I'll give you a passing mark. 

Is it a lemon?

Well, since the only other riddles on offer are blatantly wrong and awful, I'll put up one. I wasn't going to put it up because it's not very good and I don't think it'll work, but after seeing what you've all had to offer I feel drawing for last place isn't too bad.

My body is cold,

Acrid and burnt is my breath.

I'm quite quite fearsome to behold

And my true name is death.

I was born yellow and upbeat,

I put men in a trance,

But I soon learned to eat

Through the prick of a lance.

I dived the waters with the Great,

I soared the skies of the hexagon.

My hunger never is sate,

And worldwide are my spawn.

You can try tame me, though

I bring death and disaster.

It's best you all know

I have no true master.

No. Fire isn't cold, and it sure as shit didn't dive waters with the Great, you gigantic cock.

We've been through this Mizal, you don't know how riddles work. Fire is not cold because eventually in its absence things can begin cold. The sun is not cold because it's absence means things get colder. That's not how descriptors work.

Satan?

No.

Edit: Also no to coins, but for some reason I can't reply to him.

Some kind of bird?

A mosquito or a bedbug?

That's a pretty good guess. It's not it but well done anyway.

Give us a hint

Ummm... no.

A prostitute that has many STDs.

(Otherwise known as Steve.)

Well, Steve doesn't have to charge money to offer his services as a prostitute. He can be a whore that works for free.

Besides, it's all a part of his master plan to infect everyone with his many STDs.

As the riddle entails.

No, that's just being easy.

No, and I take some offence at this, although I note Mizal has mounted my defense already.

I feel like it's some type of drug. Some I'll just guess "drugs."

No.

Gold.

No.

Are you uranium?

No.

Let's get a real easy one so people actually have a shot at guessing it

I am no physical being,

But I dictate what people say

I can be expressed

In many different ways.

I have many different varieties

that go by location

I can also be changed

With hard concentration.

I'll be back in 12 hours to see if anyone guessed it

Oh, that's easy!

A ghost in The Sims 3!

Ghosts aren't physical beings, and they dictate what people say in the graveyard and if you have one in your active household. The sims can express emotion toward the ghosts in many ways, and they have a lot of varieties depending on their death. You can change a ghost using a cheat to edit the sim if you concentrate on the actions and panel hard enough.

Better than admitting I have no idea what it is, right?

That's a good one but no

Bingo

No

What can you catch over and over again without any chance of hitting the ground?

The flu.

Not my answer but I'll give you that one

For like the hundredth time, my answer is perfect, and your answer will be inferior.

The clap

Same response for Steve. It's not an illness guys

Wind when flying a kite.

You guys are looking way to much into this

ok I got it this time, a train

No

Maybe provide a little more detail? There are about a thousand accurate answers to this.

Minnie, from this point on Steve's answer is taken as the correct one, unless a better one can be found.

A better one can never be found.

I guess so just scrap it then

What was your answer, asshole?

Your breath

Oh yeah, that is shit and worse than mine.

Yay

I am a million things to a million mortals

Harbinger of death, ambassador of ecstacy, bringer of plagues and all things forsaken and forbidden by saner men.

I am a wise and wily necromancer, I am a thoughtless, bloodthirsty animal. I am a vengeful god, or I am cruel vermin. I am many or I am few, I am civilized or anarchic, I am born or made or risen. I am a rabid man, an unpopular woman, a conspicuous baby, or a mangy coyote.

My teeth are either steel or bone, my flesh is rotten, warm, or incorporeal, my palms are either hairy or leathery. I am a stiff body gone hopping mad, I am a lithe lycanthrope, I am a magnificent bastard with lightning bolts for sideburns, I am a fruit left out in the sun a month too long, a floating head with guts dragging behind it, a tree growing in a battlefield, a woman chopped in half, or an angry German Garden Gnome. 

I am a tremendous black man with iron hooks for hands.

I am a spirit, I am a disease, I am an animal, mineral, vegetable, and numerous other things, but there is one more convenient word for me. What is it?

"It" is a pronoun in the English language used to indicate a noun with no specific gender.

No, the word people use to describe the narrator of the above riddle, you technicality-abusing mammoth pirate!

These are sad times when a simple mammoth pirate can't abuse technicalities without being insulted by internet users whose namesake is a flightless bird from an iceberg.

I'll have you know it's the namesake of a proud beastman race of bird warriors who go about stealing boats and pillaging orc villages! Flightless birds be damned! What kind of self-respecting person names themselves after an ice-chicken and expects to garner respect from sane human beings? Aside from the bird people I guess.

Yeah but what is the point of being a bird if you can't fly? It just seems contradictory.

I dunno, being able to chew open coconuts and thick hide and shit with your bare face is pretty useful. That and having a second, disposable skin made of Featherlike hairs shelled with bodily resin and waterproof oils is kind of useful when you're fighting things that have teeth or sharp objects. That, and being able to drink saltwater with no repercussions is a huge logistics advantage when you think about it.

Really I'm surprised more people aren'aren't named after them.

Being a flightless bird is just wrong. It's like if a human couldn't use tools. Those humans would be no better than monkeys! Penguins should have just been seals or fish.

Being a flightless birdman, though? Why, that's a step and a half above being just a man. So what if they can't fly lime the other avian men? They'll still kick their asses! And they'll be extra brutal about it!

Being a flightless birdman is twice as absurd. If one was to be a birdman, one would assume they could fly. A flightless birdman isn't as good as a flying birdman, and it isn't as good as other animals that can't fly either. Fishmen are better at swimming, molemen are better at digging, and catmen are better at running. And even worse, they are way too sensitive to technicality abuse.

Do you know how evolutionary expensive it is to grow another pair of limbs, let alone how hard it is to put a human  body in the air? Birdmen that don't suffer deadly complications from the sheer metabolic expense of their wings die not being able to control themselves in the air, or underestimating the amount of energy it takes to drag their 100-pound selves off the ground for extended periods. Penguin men don't bother with any of that shit, they take the little advantages and suffer none of the defects as a result. They develop nigh hypothermia-proof skins for fishing and mermaid-fighting, they replace their mouths with what are essentially face-mounted hand-axes, and holy shit, they don't sacrifice the precious little space they have in their chromosomes building wings and making their bones light and fragile and going to all those other lengths that eagle-men seem to go to to make themselves into hilariously useless organisms! Penguin Men are better at swimming, and they're better at surviving in the mountains and on coastlines, and by george, the only thing the other beastmen will be doing is handing over all the holes they dug and using their super feet to run the fuck away if the Penguin men decide to roll in!

Also, just because one penguin man is sensitive to technicality abuse doesn't mean they all are! You're a bigot and I suggest you check your Conanlike Privielege!

Well... your riddle was a bit uninteresting! 

Well so is the answer! And I'm damned surprised nobody's come up with what it is by now!

Is it you? Or nothing? Or a monster? Or a... no just give the answer.

Maybe it's imagination.

Life?

Well, shit. I feel sorry for you, if that's how life is. Or, if that's how you live your life, congratulations on being such a bizarrely metal motherfucker.

Here's my reason. Life makes billions of people each with their own purpose. (What it means to them) Life always leads to death. It is filled with happiness and sadness. Life of bacteria (and the things that spread it) cause plagues All of your third paragraph describes different life forms (Same with paragraph 5 and 6) Paragraph 4 was the hardest to decipher. But I figured it out.

Sentence 1: Sometimes people get steel caps on their teeth to replace the ones that have fallen out. Snakes shed their ROTTEN skin, Humans and most animals have WARM skin, and plants to not have any skin, therefore making them INCORPOREAL.

Sentence 2-End: These are different life forms explained by useless descriptions.

Steel caps aren't living, and the fact that you needed to put sometimes shows that it's obscure enough that the personification of life would never do it. Snake skin isn't rotten when the snake sheds it unless it has a fungal infection or some shit. You don't know what incorporeal means, do you?

Pretty sure a corpse is not a life form, unless you count the notion that it's a breeding ground for detritivore life forms.

Anything?

Holy shit, no. I thought I was being pretty fucking blatant about my references, but I guess not.

OH! I KNOW!

THE ANTAGONIST!

No, Tim. I'm very disappointed, I thought you of all people would've been able to do it.

The big bad Satan himself.

A cosplayer.

Not Satan, God, Idea, Death, Imagination, or any of the things you silly bastards mentioned. I feel like the moment I hint at what this is and why I wrote this riddle, you're gonna immediately know what it is, so here's a breakdown on things I feel like you've missed.

The opening line needs to be looked into a lot more. I feel like that explains the contradictory shit, and establishes the stereotypical attitude of the Narrator.

The second paragraph is how the narrator's been portrayed throughout its documebtation.

Three is about the narrator's place in the world it inhabits, including both fantastical and rational explanations.

Paragraph 4 is all about LITERAL PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS, that are ALL possessed by the narrator, so for the love of Christ stop guessing abstract concepts, or anything that can't literally be a black man with hand hooks, old fruit, a lycanthrope, etc.

A grapefruit.

The fact that it's a million things to a million mortals typically points to some abstract concept, especially when there's contradictions left and right. But okay.

It's a very confused shape shifter.

The whole big black man with hook hands is what is throwing me off.

I mean I want to just say it's Candyman and be done with it.

Candyman only has one hook!

Well that's why I didn't say it was him, I wanted to though.

It's also why I didn't say "A dream" since the only person here that would be dreaming of big black dudes of any kind is Malk.

Hm. Y'know what, fuck it, it can be. You're the closest anyone's been.

Also sometimes. I can name 2 deities that for sure could be addressed by the word requested by the riddle, and maybe 30 deities that are this by technicality, but not all deities qualify.

Okay so if it is a million things to a million mortals, then to 7,510,632,000 mortals it is not a million things. That could narrow it down.

The crusaders of the Holy Land

... Interesting choice. I'll hold off on yelling at you like everyone else until I actually see why you picked that for an answer.

Now I'm imagining werewolves, grapefruits and Tony Todd in crusader armor killing Muslims.

Hold up man it was a joke

So not only are you WRONG, but you can't even find the reasoning to back up a comedy bit!? You disappointing buffoon!

Ouch

Politician.

Aha! You're the closest anyone's been to the true answer!

Here's the last clue that should make it blatantly obvious:

I wanted to make a version of a pre-existing riddle here that wasn't bullshit.

So politician is correct!

I didn't want to leave out the melon vampires though!

Yup.

Stiff bodies gone hopping mad are Jiangshi/Kyonshi

The lithe lycanthrope is either a vampire that can turn into a dog/wolf/whathaveyou or a chupacabra again (explicitly referenced as a mangy coyote) depending on what people are still saying about those things.

The magnificent bastard with lightning bolts for sideburns is, of course, Blackula.

The fruit left out a month too long refers to the East European belief that if you leave pumpkins and melons out after Christmas, they'll turn into vampires and annoy people to death.

The floating head is the penangalan.

The tree is the only Japan-specific vampire, and it's a tree that grows over a battlefield or a murder scene and becomes a blood-addicted ghost because of it. I forgot what it was called, though.

Black guy with hooks is the sasabonsam. I guess his hooks were feet though, so I fucked up, but it's not like people were going to catch that if they didn't catch any of the other references first.

Well done Okay riddle.

Bad riddle.

Pff YOU'RE a bad riddle!

Then tell me the answer to me.

I can't, you're not a question.

This was also a bad riddle, Vampires aren't vegetables or minerals.

Some vampires, like the ones in Twilight, are portrayed as being made from rock or crystal-like materials. Cultures real and fictional present blood to idols of vampiric gods, which can be made from stone or plant matter. The term vegetable isn't a botanical one, so it can be applied to just about any part of a plant, also looping in those pumpkin vampires.

The ones in Twilight aren't crystal, they just happen to sparkle in sunlight, and the fact that you can make idols out of something doesn't make it that thing. This riddle was a trick and you sir are a fool.

Twilight vampires are made of stone cells powered by magic lube. I'm not even making that up, that's the Twilight Canon.

The only extant version of that thing is the idol, though, and they'they're the only ones near blood during the perceived blood drinking, therefore they are the unliving things drinking blood and the idols are vampires. So YOU are the fool here.

You are incorrect, and I refuse to allow the idols as vampires. I refute your statement and thus your riddle.

"Their skin is flawless and textured with a marble-like substance much harder and stronger than granite. Due to the crystalline properties of their cells, when a vampire is exposed to sunlight, their body will sparkle like diamonds. " Twilights are minerals.

The idols fit the technical definition, being nonliving fictional creatures that drink blood. Either way, you still have the mineral Twilight vampires and the Vegetable Melon vampires, so your refutation has been refuted and the riddle stands strong.

Shit, I stand corrected.

... A liar?

Well, shit.

Fucking hell, too bad I didn't know all that information about vampires.

I forge empires
I give men power
When men see me
They fight me or cower

The tool of a dancer
Art on the wall
Should I touch someone
Even the strongest will fall

I kill all
Yet I do not rule
One who does not own me
Is naught but a fool

A sword?

Good job. You answered in 2 minutes.

Haha, yeah, I happened to see it when you just posted it. Nice riddle though.

I'm terrible at making riddles but, given the quality so far in this thread, I though I'd give it a try: 

I am a part of so many sums
Though not for all to see.
Like, one and two make two of me,
While two and three make one.
There are plenty to see in the whole wide world,
Though in daily life there are none. 

What am I? 

Yup, that's correct.

I am like a box that holds many keys

Each one is different, but all look the same

I am not meant to move, I am meant to move others

But to do this I need hands, and a map to guide them

What am I?

Are you a car? Or a computer?

You're on a roll Mizal, it is a piano. I actually have never heard of a piano riddle before, I made this one myself.

The keys are the keys of the piano, all making a different sound but looking the same.

The piano itself is not meant to be moved, it moves others emotionally through the sound it makes.

But it needs hands to play it with a map, which is the song being played.

I have ten thumbs and a load of ol' Shhhhit.

And two left feet and no swimming skills.

And two left eyes. And two right brains. And your mom. Both of them.

And when I have a map, it's broken, and when I have a book, it's too hard. And if you think I'm stupid, well, the fact is that YOU'RE stupid. You fucking retard.

I will sleep with anyone, but it's misconsensual.

And I can fight anything, but it's not conventional.

Sometimes I'm better and sometimes I'm worse

Than you are. Bitch.

I can spell like a wizard and fly like a bird and drive like Vin Diesel and deduce like Sherlock.

And screw your mom(s).

I am a philosopher without a brain, a rebel without a clause, a donut without a glaze, a confectionery without an inflectionery.

And I am a mathematical equation.

FFFFFFuck you.

What am I?

Ego?

No, I don't animate.

Rather Grumpy

You're wrong, even though this riddle does taste of egoraptor.

Just checking I got the reference right! My best guess is that there is no answer, and that this is a load of crap meant to make people pointlessly think.

Nah, the answer is sort of a play on words rather than an actual noun. Though there is some pointless thinking involved, it's still characterization of the narrator pointing to the answrr.

After thinking long and hard about this, I have come to the conclusion that the answer is this:

An AU version of Kanye West which has been cloned 5 times, each of which has been genetically engineered with a unique superhuman ability and also a disadvantageous mutation.

Kanye West the First is born with wings, yet cannot swim, Kanye West the Second is equipped with a mechanical dictionary in his brain, allowing him to spell any word instantaneously, yet he was born with three eyes and two of them are on the left side of his face (two left eyes). Kanye West the Third has professional driving skills yet was also born with three feet, and two of those feet are on the left (two left feet), which presents some amusing imagery if you imagine him trying to use the car pedals. Kanye West the Fourth is a master detective, yet suffers from a tragic personality disorder in which he believes himself to be nothing more than an unsolvable quadratic equation.

Naturally, none of the Kanyes can read a map or a book properly. All of them will sleep around and fight everyone.

Five Kanyes = Five lots of two thumbs = Ten thumbs

I also believe that writing all of this out has been a complete waste of time, but I will be content in the knowledge that this answer will hopefully inspire someone to write an epic storygame about this. Even if it is wrong, it will probably look classier than whatever the real answer is.

Kanye out.

*applauds enthusiastically*

Hm... Nope. If we'we're gonna go with musical celebrities, though, I'd be somewhere more along the lines of John Bonham, Mussorgsky, Amy Winehouse...

... Eugh, felt my soul blacken a little there. I hope the wordplay at the end turns out to be worth it...

A douchebag.

Yes, but what's your answer to the riddle?

I'll do one.

Hairless, sightless and deaf I may be,
My home lies below in the depths of the sea
Glimmering scales shine down the length of my tail
Yet I could once pick up objects and squeeze them without fail
I was called a beauty, a seducer, a stealer of souls
I sang for you once, but I will be singing no more
Someone has taken a precious part of me away
Describe me in three words or less: what am I, pray?

Simple! 'Bald singer's corpse' (dumped in the sea, but I suppose that's going over the word limit)

I want to say mermaid, but it doesn't quite work and I have crippling commitment issues. I feel like it's something to do with mythology though.

Mermaid is close. As is the corpse part. Individually, neither are completely correct.

More specifics required here: not all dead mermaids would be hairless.

...It could fit, I guess. The sightless and deaf part is meant to allude to why they are dead, however, rather than the missing hair.

A Pearlless Clam?

Or a wooden mermaid that they put on the front of ships, I dunno what those are called.

Neither of these are capable of singing as implied in the riddle. The singing itself is not metaphorical.

The only thing I can think of is a siren, though I don't think they have scales. I want to say they're more like half birds half women or something, but they're around the sea.

Edit: Surely it's a dead bald mermaid then!

Nope, unless you're implying that they weren't always bald.

One of the lines says that something precious was taken from them. (No, it's not referring to their life.)

In that case, I'll go ahead and say I am implying that and so I'm correct?

(Hmm.. somehow I don't quite get the feeling that was your intended answer. I'll keep thinking about it)

The thing that confuses me the most is the squeezing part. That makes me inclined to think of ocean beds and stuff and I don't really know why. Something similar to a mermaid, dead, blind and deaf... hmm.

Well, an answer like that could fit but seeing as it's not three words or less (as in the last line of the riddle), so it's not what I'm going for.

I will confess here that the squeezing part literally means she has hands. She has fingers which can squeeze objects, or handle them, or do anything to them. I could have preferred to use the word "manipulate", or something like that, but it would probably destroy what little poetry was there in the first place.

I like the way it's written! 'She', ey? And it's not some obscure mythological creature that I'd have to have read the Ilyad in its original ancient Greek to know of?

No, aside from the mermaid part. 

What's missing is something that describes them physically. It also explains the first line.

The Little Mermaid?

No, as sightless and deaf wouldn't fit (unless there's been some bizarre change in the Disney sequels since I last watched). This part isn't a metaphor.

The sirens? Not sure if it fits, I remember reading about them in greek mythology at some point a few years back.

Edit: Nevermind it's already been guessed

Headless handless mermaid

A headless mermaid is correct. 

She still has hands, even in death, it's just that she can't use them anymore. On account of being dead.

One I've been waiting to fit somewhere into my story:

Knock me either side to sleep,

Your body is one, and has one,

Some enter me to reap,

Eternity for when all else is gone.

What am I suckers?

A bed!

A no!

A dream? A deathbed?

Yes! 

Not really. Nope.

If you could not act like a troll and space your messages annoyingly, that would be great, thanks.

Ah I'm sorry. I'll give you a hint: it's not to do with sleeping. Don't tell the others I told you!

Huh, I get the feeling that this doesn't have anything to do with sleeping.

Getting colder...

A brain?

The shark's on the right lines. 

Imagination or the mind. Something like that.

Just realised it was something tangible. My bad.

Is it a form of suicide?

It's not to do with death. I suppose it is pretty hard, but it's an artificial, tangible object.

You're a clock. Possibly an alarm clock.

As far as I'm aware, people don't really enter alarm clocks seeking the sweet bliss of eternal life! Then again, I've met only a fraction of a fraction of the 7 billion people on this Earth, so perhaps that makes perfect sense to you:)

A heart? 

Nope. Do you want another hint?

Edit: Okay, I've thought of another verse:

Housing Gods and men alike,

I adorn their very heads,

Destroy me and you'll surely strike,

Divine retribution- final deathbed.

The hypothalamus.

Nah, I'm so sick of negative feedback cycles. I'd never do a riddle on that.

Here's another I made up (I do like my riddles):

For some: killer of Gods, evidence to others,

Tracked generation to next through fathers and mothers,

I mould all life,

manifest through strife,

You are the product,

Though not final by my conduct.

What be I, petty mortals?

Curses, I've been foiled. Evolution was correct. 

I'll have to scuttle back off to my evil lair and concoct something better.