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My Story So Far?

6 years ago

There's not much, the only things I have in this story are the introduction and the first link, but what do you think? I had more but my computer crashed in the middle of writing and then I just got frustrated and kind of gave up. I'm heading to sleep now so I'd like to know what people think so far and I'll work on more tomorrow! :) http://chooseyourstory.com/story/tedium

My Story So Far?

6 years ago

There's not much to really give feedback on here since there's like, two paragraphs. If I were you i'd focus on writing longer pages and adding more detail, as well as giving a more clear setting and plot.

My Story So Far?

6 years ago

Well, it's only the very beginning, and the point of it is to be confusing because you're waking up in a place to don't know and you don't know how you got there.

My Story So Far?

6 years ago

I'm assuming that the mood you want to set for this story is something along the lines of 'scary, science guinea pig experiments'. Maybe you could open with the narrator gradually coming out of unconsciousness/a stupor/something else, and he begins to notice the pointy instruments, with him slowly realising that he's stuck in this circle of malformed people strapped down by their bonds. Make sure your description is visceral and unsettling if you're going to go down this route (or anything that works for the premise). Or you could set some other mood such as hopelessness etc. etc. Point is, make sure the reader knows what he's in for by making him feel the scariness of the situation. 

Also, as Minnieking said, having more for us to look over would be nice. Make sure to save regularly in case your computer crashes again :)

My Story So Far?

6 years ago

That's actually something I forgot to do, the character is supposed to be coming out of unconsciousness to find themself in a barren, cold place and they don't know why or where they are. So thank you for your feedback.