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AOD

6 years ago

AOD is something I'm working on. AOD stands for Angel Of Darkness. Imagine this:

You are a 15 year old girl who, along with other people, were given a second chance of life.

You live with a strange illness that worses in snow and can kill in blizzards. It also appears randomly.

You live with one of these people, Hatsu. You have a jeweled heart, known as your Angel Of Darkness Heart. If it shatters/breaks, you die. Cracking is a time of emotion.

You have to wear a necklace that has the infinity sign on it. If it is removed from your neck, you die.

You are attacked by people who chose a different path of the second life, the Shadows.

You have to survive.

 

Any ideas?

AOD

6 years ago

By "ideas," do you mean feedback on this rather vague description of the protagonist and the plot, or are you asking with help coming up with ideas for the storygame itself?

Also, you might want to make sure that not every sentence starts with "you," in the game.

AOD

6 years ago
The necklace/jewel heart thing sounds kind of random and strange. And 'Angel of Darkness' etc usually literally means a demon so it's also an odd choice. Unless this is all another of those anime inspired things, then whatever, I can't keep up with those.

Anyway, any setting/plot premise can be made to work, but what you have is so vague so far and only highlights the strangeness of the setting without indicating a whole lot that will be relateable about these basically alien characters.

AOD

6 years ago

Quoted OP: "... You have a jeweled heart, known as your Angel Of Darkness Heart. If it shatters/breaks, you die...You have to wear a necklace that has the infinity sign on it. If it is removed from your neck, you die."

Sounds too similar: I would combine these items since they have similar effects. If the heart was on the necklace and hung down over the girl's heart you could bring in some metaphor into the story.

Just an idea...

AOD

6 years ago
Agreed with this, that would be more sensible and easier to tie in thematically -- having one magic item she depends on to live representing both her heart and soul/immortality that needs to be protected, instead of a necklace, plus a 'heart' object that's also a vulnerability as well as a mood detector.

AOD

6 years ago

I'll be honest, I understand none of this. Taking it line by line here.

"You are a 15 year old girl who, along with other people, were given a second chance of life."

OK, presumably you're saying that the protagonist and their allies in this story all died and got a second chance at life, or at least the protagonist and Hatsu. No idea how.

"You live with a strange illness that worses in snow and can kill in blizzards. It also appears randomly."

No idea what this means. Is the illness from being reborn? What does it mean in gets worse in snowy weather? Like if you're in the snow, or even if you're inside and its snowing, or... Anyhow, just move somewhere it doesn't snow. Also, when you say it appears randomly, does that mean people get it randomly, or sometimes it's symptoms don't appear in snow and you're fine, or what?

"You live with one of these people, Hatsu. You have a jeweled heart, known as your Angel Of Darkness Heart. If it shatters/breaks, you die. Cracking is a time of emotion."

Like most things, the destruction of the heart does mean death. The name is weird, and I don't know what it means. Also, does that mean every time of emotion permanently fucks with your heart?

"You have to wear a necklace that has the infinity sign on it. If it is removed from your neck, you die."

Uh... OK, whatever.

"You are attacked by people who chose a different path of the second life, the Shadows."

Nothing wrong with that, just so many questions raised.

"You have to survive."

A common goal.

No idea what you mean by ideas. Change the name of the heart and title, I guess. Nothing more unless you explain a lot more.

AOD

6 years ago

Instead of an infinity sign, the necklace should have a magic whistle on it.

AOD

6 years ago

Would like to say, after a few months of forgetting this website, I have decided to cancel the story, so...thanks anyway.

AOD

6 years ago
I'm sure EndMaster is highly disappointed.

(Don't worry End, someday, someone with a true vision, will write a story about a magic whistle.)

AOD

6 years ago

Lol.

I probably should just put a magic whistle branch in Rogues, I was wondering what I was going to do for one of the remaining ones I have anyway.