*rolls up sleeves* Critique time?
First of all, its very short, which isn't really a problem if I meant the story length itself since there are plenty of stories that are short but so good. However, by "short" I'm judging based on the fact that you didn't make it long enough to tell an actual *story*.
The characters have only names and nothing is memorable or worth noting about them. One of them is you, and the other is your boyfriend "Daniel." That's all I know about them. No idea why you guys went on the trip, no description about them, no dialogue, nothing. "You" and "Daniel" are nothing but lackluster puppets acting out a bland story. And no, if next time you add only a description about what they're wearing, that is not enough. TLDR; flesh out your characters and give them life, figure out their motivations, their likes and dislikes, etc. Basing them on people you know would be a very good start before you start making real people. Also, please don't make them Mary/Gary Sues...All people have faults, they're not perfect and they'll never be perfect - and no, just depression is not considered a viable fault.
Next thing is your descriptions in general. Its bland, and you describe nothing. There is literally no description in the entire thing other than the part about the "faint look of pinky light" and all that. Try using more adjectives (but not too much, since that just makes the flow *so* awkward). Instead of telling me your characters climbed on top of a "rock" and fell try wording it like;
"Daniel and I decided to race up the mountain; we were both very competitive and this felt like a good challenge, and as a bonus, we could get a lovely picture of the sunrise at the top. At the foot of the rock, I looked up. It looked so much taller here, and I started wondering if this was really a good idea. Daniel was already climbing, a determined look on his face. I knew if I didn't start soon I would never catch up, so I took a deep breath and pushed away my fear.
Little pieces of the mountain crumbled under my fingers as I climbed, small pieces of debris tumbled down. I finally caught up to Daniel, and I gave him a small grin. This really wasn't as tough as the rock climbing walls at the playground. We reached the next ledge and decided to take a breather. As I settled on the ledge, Daniel suddenly lost his footing and slipped. I grabbed his hand desperately, throwing my entire weight into pulling him up - but his weight threw me off balance and I slipped off too."
^ See? Much better. Like I said, don't tell me what happened. Describe to me how you see the scene in your mind :)
Next thing I have a problem with was the plot. You had a very nice idea - people finding a secret place. But you never...finished it, which leaves me very disappointed. Okay, you found the place, but what is the purpose of it? How did you guys get out? Who were the people there and why did they go there? Was it because the water there cured your sickness? Was it because they were sacrifices? There was so much potential here to make a good story, and you just ended it with "We found this place, and now we go to it during our anniversary." *shakes head slightly* The plot just isn't interested and I'll be honest - before I decided to give you critique, I just skimmed over it and noted the no-spaces between sentences, and the spelling mistakes which jumped out at me. It didn't hold my attention from the first sentence, and it didn't hold my attention past that.
Which brings me to my next point...your spelling the paragraph structure, etc.
You had plenty of spelling mistakes, and the lack of spaces after sentences is...well, annoying. Here's how it should be;
"My boyfriend Daniel and I decide to take a trip to a canyon and take a detour to go explore a mountain. I wanted to climb on top of a rock and take a picture of the sunrise, so he held me up while i took the picture. When Daniel and I got off the rock, we lost our balance and fell backward. We slid down a slope and fell in water. Once we swam to the other edge I saw a faint look of pinky light and I walked down the small walkway and saw an opening in the wall. I called Daniel over and told him that I found something. We peeked around the corner where this room had water in it. There was steps leading down to the floor and so we descended the stairs and stepped into the water.There were other people who looked like statues in there, three were in the water and the other was outside the water. There was pink cloth hanging from the ceiling and there was a chandelier. Ever since then,we would go back on our anniversary."
Much better grammar, still hate the wording, but oh well. See the difference beside the lack of bolding and italizing? Don't reiterate "we" so much in the same sentence, make sure the entire sentence is in the same tense, and tie up loose sentences. >.< Not sure what else to say. Also, spellcheck. We have a tool for it here...
I'm not even going to get into the writing quality, as that would be reiterating every single other point I've pointed out so far.
Good luck with writing!~
*sigh* my critique was longer than the writing itself...something's wrong..
