Non-threaded

Forums » Writing Workshop » Read Thread

Find proofreaders here, useful resources, and share opinions and advice on story crafting.

How broken is the english in my storygame draft?

6 years ago

So basically, English is not my mother's tongue , as so my written English is not the best, however i just realized how clunky it is after proofreading my storygame. Then,  do i need a few months of practicing my English to start writing seriously? or you wish you were blind just by reading my storygame?

Note that this is merely a storygame drafting wannabe an the fact that i started using the advanced editor because i had previous experience in coding and CYA websites.

LINK: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/Headquarters

How broken is the english in my storygame draft?

6 years ago
It is indeed a bit clunky.

You have a few places with double spaces, I'm not sure what happened there. I like that on your first page you do know the difference between "your" and "you're." The apostrophe in "you've" is weird, I don't know what symbol that is. In the first sentence, "alike" doesn't really work there. I think "similar to yours, such as" would work better in place of "alike, mainly..." No need for a comma after "brute force."

On the next page, it looks like that entire first paragraph is one sentence. The order of the phrases is a bit off as well. It would almost make more English sense in reverse, but broken into separate ideas. Maybe something like: "You liked mind-based powers because of the versatility and communications opportunities. You even started to thing about recruiting an entire army of similar people to take over the world! But you quickly realized that even talking about your powers could get you in trouble."

So yes, it is clear that English is not your first language. You might need someone to look over each sentence and phrase for you to catch the small things that are technically correct, but really don't look quite "right" in many cases.

Hope that helps!

How broken is the english in my storygame draft?

6 years ago

Thanks, i thought it was far worse. Yeah, sometimes i use the wrong symbol, i will consider your advice for my next update.