Forums » Writing Workshop » Read Thread

Thread for my entry

Very nicely done. Good luck!

This is going to be too pathetic a failure even for me to bear to watch.

Title: Laurels of Triumph(can be changed)

 

Genre: Fantasy

 

Theme: What is worth fighting for?

 

Setting: The Republic of Mevonia, a state that dominates the continent of Avalonia.

 

Plot Synopsis: You play as Titus Domitius, a plebeian from the hills of Mevonia. The story revolves around the conflicts that occur both internally and externally of the Republic, as it continues to expand its territories despite its political turmoil. Titus is drawn into the political and military scene through Fortune’s guiding hand, and either rises through the ranks to become one of the most powerful men of Mevon, or ungracefully falls from power.

 

A military campaign is one of the main focuses of the story- the attempted conquest of the Kingdom of Andor, which is situated on a large island just off the eastern coast of Avalonia. The players is given the opportunity to join this campaign, and the choices that are made here shape out what kind of person Titus is.

 

After the campaign ends in either success or failure, the civil war between rival factions within the Republic will break out, and here will be the choices that will define Mevonia for generations to come.

 

Characters:

 

Titus Domitius- Main character, personality is a blank slate.

 

Gaius Aemilius Numitor- One of the leaders of the reformist faction. Has served for nearly 20 years in the army, and is considered one of the Republic’s greatest generals. He is sympathetic to the plight of the lower classes, despite being of Patrician stock.

 

Julia Aelia- A soft spoken woman from one of the oldest and most noble patrician families in Mevon. Intelligent, cunning yet merciful. Her father is a good friend of Aemilius, having served together during one of the Republic’s many military campaigns. Possible love interest.

 

Lucia Antonia- Brash and hotheaded, Antonia is the niece of Aemilius. She aspires to follow in the footsteps of her uncle, to win great military victories over the enemies of the Republic in the name of Mevonia.

 

Yannys of Triumph sounds great!

Story Background:

For centuries, the Mevonian Republic has expanded its territories, conquering vast swaths of territories from its neighbors, and has become the dominant power on the mainland continent of Avalonia. The legions of Mevonia are the one of the most disciplined well-equipped armies the world has ever seen, and few have ever been able to defeat them. The state is maintained by tradition, law, and the rule of the Senate, which have endured since the founding of the republic.

 

The capital city of Mevon is a cultural hub, with merchants and traders from every corner of the world. Slaves and goods fill the markets,  A vast network of roads and forts weaves throughout the republic, interconnecting its territories and allowing for trade to flourish

 

However, despite the appearance of a new Golden Age, Mevonia is rotting from within. Rich landowners have forced poor farmers off their lands, using slaves as free labor and denying the common Plebeians both work and crops. Economic refugees from the countryside flood the cities in search of work, which has led to mass overpopulation. The Senate is divided between the conservatives, who wish to keep to tradition and preserve the rights and privileges of the Patricians, the nobles. Opposing them are the reformists, who do everything in their power to advance the rights of the lower classes- apart from the slaves, who are treated like vermin by both sides.

 

The situation in the capital is at a boiling point, and it will take but a single death for civil war to erupt, and fracture the republic beyond repair.

 

Sounds like a nice predicament you've set up for the Mevonians, I'm excited to see where this story goes and how all of the political aspects unfold.

I'm not.

Lol

As long as he puts the work into it he will be fine.  

The only other options is some pathetic failure of a story, which I'm hoping we don't see too many this time around.

better than furries

You want to bet some points on that?

Not that you really have any.

How about two?

Alright, dont get ahead of yourself.  The furries will very likely obliterate your story.

Update #2

Roughly 1.5k words done, which is a complete disaster. Since I'm developing an entirely new world I have to force in exposition and background into the story without making it seem forced, which so far has been difficult to do. Have only introduced three characters so far as more seems like to much for a single scene. In addition to writing problems, I'm dealing with time management issues as I'm studying for a driver's license test which is taking up most of my time. 

All in all, this is shaping out to be a colossal failure. Considering scrapping this idea altogether, or if that's not allowed, giving up. 

Open the world up and explain it as the character goes along.  Don't dump exposition on it man.

I mean, fuck, I think mine has too much as well, but its usually only during time jumps.  But its still good to let out info in bits and pieces as you go along man.

Update #3

Word count is now hovering around 2k, most of what I wrote was lore and backstory for the world. Still developing the few characters I introduced. 

I made the religion for the republic and what kinds of deities they worship, along with giving more information on how their style of government works. Having trouble writing the actual story itself, but the world building has been pretty fun. I guess the thing I like most is how much the story is based on Roman civilization, since I'm a fan of that stuff. 

Hopefully I'll have more to show in the next update. 

Sometimes not thinking about it too much helps.  Have you outlined or anything?  If not, I would say that helps keeping you focused on your story and what's going to happen.  After that it's just a matter of filling in some details.

Update #4:

I've managed to write more than I did than last time, so now I'm sitting at 5k words, and have gotten most of the introductory exposition out of the way. The hardest thing about all this is having enough focus to keep writing, as I tend to get distracted easily. 

Also I got my driver's license so I probably will have more time to write/procrastinate.

Well, this thread has been slowly decaying from lack of use, so I might as well take it behind the shed and finish it off. There is zero chance of me finishing a 60k story in less than a month. 

I seriously doubt you ever even started the story but either way, I'm sure I'm as shocked by your surrender as everyone else. (And by that I mean not at all.)

That's a real shame. I was hoping to have at least one person who I could compete with for last place and with what I've seen of your writing ability, I'm sure I would've won that spot. Now it's beginning to look like I might be forced to actually place and maybe get a prize or something.

That's unfortunate, it looked like you at least had a pretty good base idea. I hope to see this story in action some day even if it's not out in time for the contest.

It's Coins. You know that's never going to happen.