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The One Who I'm Looking For

5 years ago

If you do not get lowered in your own eyes
While you raise yourself in those of others
If you do not give in to gossips and lies
Rather heed them not, saying ‘Who bothers’.
You may be the person I am looking for.

 

If you crave not for praise when you win
And look not for sympathy while you lose
If cheers let not your head toss or spin
And after a set-back you offer no excuse.
You may be the person I am looking for.


If you accept counsel without getting sore
And re-assess yourself in the light thereof
If you pledge not to be obstinate any more
And meet others without any frown or scoff.
You may be the person I am looking for.


If you have the will to live and courage to die
You are a beacon-light for people far and wide
If you ignore the jeers and, thus, expose the lie
‘That virtue and success do not go side by side’.
You are the person I am looking for.

The One Who I'm Looking For

5 years ago

You'll be looking for a long time.

Jokes aside, the structure and rhymes are very well crafted; it might actually be flawless from a technical standpoint. It's also a nice rulebook (you're really going all out on morals today lol). It doesn't always take courage to die though.

The One Who I'm Looking For

5 years ago

Thanks! Well I did receive some help form my high school english teacher but the main idea was mine. I was actually pretty nervous this being my first poem and all but I'm glad you liked it!

The One Who I'm Looking For

5 years ago

I think this is nicely done with its declamation in each stanza building up to the dramatic crescendo. I only think you can replace "beacon" with a term and image less cliched. Other than that, this poem works rather well. I understand (at least in traditional sonnets from the Elizabethan and Jamesian periods) that the rhymes are supposed connect in such a way as to add up to an intricate conceptual tapestry...but then I was never very skilled at analyzing traditional sonnets. All told, I think this is a very skillfully constructed poem. Kudos. 

The One Who I'm Looking For

5 years ago

by chance, were you inspired by Rudyard Kipling's poem "IF"?

The One Who I'm Looking For

5 years ago

Yes, I wanted to create an off shoot of that poem and even borrowed a few points from it.

The One Who I'm Looking For

5 years ago

I mean ideas from it.