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Poem because why not

4 years ago

I wrote this for the poem contest in the form and everything but then saw it did not meet the prompt. So I’m posting it here.

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There are many things a man can not know

So many things, so much desire

In any case you reap what you sow

 

Man is foolish, a bone you must not throw

No matter how educated, their stupidity will not tier

There are many things a man can not know

 

Thinking about it is pointless though

Mans fate is set, they’ll burn in fire

In any case you’ll reap what you sow

 

A mans heart can be free, just like a doe

But the mind is trapped, happiness a lier

There are many things a man can not know

 

Death and war, and well wrapped gift tied with a bow

Burn bridges, the arson and the fire

In any case you reap what you sow

 

You can be shy, you can lay low

But you are doomed, survival is dire

There are so many things a man can’t know

In any case you reap what you sow

Poem because why not

4 years ago

Hey @Gower and @ShoujoAddict, the poetry people, come review this! 

Poem because why not

4 years ago

My first thought is that I wish you didn't use the "reap what you sow" cliche in your repeated sestina line.

You thought of a strong theme for the sestina, and that's good--not always easy to do.

Now I'll get into critique.

 I thought you might think about whether some of the lines make sense on a literal level--I wasn't sure what it means to say man is a "bone you must not throw" or when you say that "well wrapped gift tied with a bow" "burn bridges" along with death and war. Or that "their stupidity will not tier."  I get how death and war can burn a bridge, but not how a gift can.  Maybe you mean the metaphorcal meaning of "burn bridges."  Simiilarly, I'm not sure about "survival is dire" on a wholly literal meaning.

Now I just realized you meant "tire" rather than "tier"--right?  Yeah, the spelling is affecting the meaning here, and that's something to work on--like "lier" for liar.

Spellcheck--use hyphens for compound adjectives (well wrapped should be well-wrapped) and use apostrophes for possessives:  "mans"

You've got a good first draft here.  Now I would recommend revising to make sure that the poem's literal level works, meaning-wise.