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Hi there! I've just released a new story called After the End. I'm not sure if this forum is the appropriate place but I'd like to have a more accessible way to discuss any improvements I could make in my techniques or things of the sort. 

After the End is basically an average zombie apocalypse story. It's a favorite genre of mine so I thought it would be a good place to start for my first story. It's not extremely developed but I actually have a sequel planned that goes more in depth- if it goes over well. I'd be very appreciative if you could try it out and let me know how I can improve. 

Thanks!

Rather than making it a sequel, just continue to edit and increase its length and quality.  I've seen a couple other apocalypse stories just continue on and they end up 4/8 (Not good.)

It was okay ... it just needed length.

As my first story I was really just trying to feel out the technique and writing style. If I decide to seriously commit to this exact story then I'll absolutely lengthen it and try to expand but right now length wasn't really on my mind. Personally I think the zombie apocalypse idea is worn out and overused but it's a familiar topic and easy for me to invent.

Thanks for your thoughts!

I really enjoyed it!

I rated it a 5 and left a comment :) One of the best 'first' stories I've read on this site in awhile. As I said in my comment on the game, I'd love to see what happens next in the story.

One thing I would suggest is maybe trying to allow the player to use items rather than just carry them. It makes them have to pay closer attention and think more on the situation "Should I use the bat here or the flashlight?". I liked that there were multiple endings in the game. One thing I did notice was that, despite having a baseball bat, I could never actually fight the zombies and win(Unless I missed a page somewhere XD). If there is a path in the game where you can be a zombie hunter type I'd love a hunt on how to get to it. :D

On another note. I really enjoyed your writing. It has good grammar, you put time into each paragraph, and it is obvious that you had fleshed out the plot for the most part. Can't wait to see your next piece! :D