Forums » Newbie Central » Read Thread

Sorry if I scared you there!

Hey, Ogre here. I just found this place. It's pretty neat.

Don't be so scary. Just remember to take off your shoes before stepping in. 

Thanks! Now what are these "shooos" things of which you speak?

They're made with cheese. Like the moon. 

mmMMMm.... tasty...

Are you tasty? 

So I've been told.

By whom, if I may so ask?

I... I... I can't remember now.

Was it you?

If it was me, you would've already been turned into fertilizers for my lovely garden. So, no, I'm afraid it wasn't me. But perhaps it was someone else. Think! Think harder! You must remember this! 

I think... I think... What was I thinking?
 

Orgres don't think. They act. 

Whoa.  Stop talking about orgies.

Wait, there's an ogre orgy going on somewhere?

... Statistically speaking, there's every kind of orgy going on right now, somewhere.

Please step through the metal detector. All lethal weapons must be confiscated before entering the forums.

A terrible ploy to get people into the spork monopoly we live under.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Is that a problem?

Has eviscerating peers and cannibalizing rivals ever been a problem in the 21st century?

Gotta try a little harder than that. You have humans possessed by gods, Eldritch Abominations, penguin "warriors", and Endmaster on these forums. Either way, pleasure to meet'cha. Feel free to ask if you need assistance.  

Are you possessed by a god or a horrible abomination made in a Lovecraftian fashion? If the answer is "no" to both of these, I did indeed leave you out, partly because I have no idea what you think you are, so feel free to weep bitterly.

Ah, thank you, James. That was the category I forgot: "Delusional nutjobs." Sorry 'bout that. 

I actually am included in the initial list already, you just wouldn't get the reference.

(=P You called yourself 'the world, the universe, God, the truth, the one,' are you seriously hurt that I teased you for it?)

Well, first off, from a Pantheistic perspective, I am God. But, then again, so are you and literally everything else, so meh.

Secondly, I can't believe the most humble of FMA references went over your head. Really, man, what's with this new generation of old people?

*sigh* Just because I didn't automatically go "OMGOSH, you're quoting the entity that guards the "Gate Of Truth" from Full Metal Alchemist, durr hurr..." does not mean I haven't heard the quote before or that I forgot it. Again, I was teasing you.

Also, the actual quote is: "Who am I? One name you might have for me is the World, or you might call me the Universe, or perhaps God, or perhaps the Truth. I am All, and I am One. So of course, this also means that I am You."

(The alternative response here was: "Ohhh? I didn't know 'exceptionally rude asshat' was an FMA quote! =D" -- but I get the feeling you'd think I was being serious then, too. -_-')

Thanks. :P

I fail to see where I'm included in this, unless you're calling me an Eldritch horror just because I can put myself back together after being thrown in a human-sized blender. In that case, I'm very offended.

There are a SHIT TON of differences between myself and him!

Scars: I'm actually a rather nice specimen of the Penguinite species, save for a few scars, which made me look rugged, rather than hideous. On the other hand, Deadpool looks like Freddy fucking Krueger.

Sexuality: I waver between Asexual and Heterosexual due to chemical imbalances caused by my regeneration. Deapool will fuck everything from wine bottles to barnyard animals.

Accents: There could be no clearer difference...

Clothing: My clothing varies, but I assure you, I have not EVER (By my own free will, anyway...) worn a technicolor gimp-suit into battle like he does.

Weapons: I dual-wield tactical axes, because they're badass. Deadpool dual-wields katanas, and somehow manages not to break them.

Diet: I enjoy the finer things in life. Like steaks, fish, and Pom-Wonderful. Deadpool treats his GI tract like a garbage disposal.

Sanity: I only see and think the kind of shit that Deadpool sees and thinks when I'm stoned or drunk...

Regeneration: Deadpool has some sort of wierd cellular-replication-on-overdrive thing going for him. My body is enchanted to conjure everything its biochemical and other needs immediately, which means I get more badass the faster my heart beats. 

Fetishes: I only like reasonably chubby women, and sandwiches. Deadpool flirts with... Big Bertha... *Bleh*

Females in general, foxgirls are just especially awesome.

Well, not to be racist, but I do have a preference.

I'm not a pedophile, so kits are out of the question. Island Foxgirls are pretty average, compared to the rest. Grey and arctic aren't really my type, since if I wanted to fuck something that pale I'd have stuck to the Lich Queen and/or Vampires that I used to date. Swift foxgirls are okay, but they tend to move into relationships too fast, so I never stick with them long-term. Fennecs are especially friendly and affectionate, so they're a good choice for the shy, but I like classic red ones the best, just because they seem to be smarter and pick up martial arts more quickly than the rest. Martial arts are good because they come in handy when murdering Nazis and evil bastards. It's also a critical part of any relationship, you can't officially be mated without it!... Wait, nevermind, it says "Marital status" on the census, not "Martial status"...

Put a gender on it, and Jihelu could probably bring himself to have sex with it. He was probably more like Deadpool than I am.

I'm going to assume this first comment was originally directed at me, in which case... I included you for the sake of showing diversity! I thought you'd be pleased to see that your race was actually being included rather than ignored and that you'd say something about the progressiveness of it, yatta yatta ... but now I'll feel free to leave you out in the future. :P
 

My complaint was that I wasn't included. The races listed are Gods, people posessed by gods, Eldritch monsters, and penguins. I see not Penguinites in that list!

Still butthurt, James?

No matter how many asses have been injured, to any degree, I'd still like to know why Penguinites have not been put on the list.

My name's nothing to be afraid of, last time I checked I didn't have Valdemort's powers... I just pop up wherever my name does sheerly out of coincidence!

No offense to him, but Voldemort was highly overrated. I mean, his fuckin' minions were more evil than him. Fuck you, Belletrix LeStrange, you fox killing bitch.

I wish I could cast 'Reducto'...

Sounds kinky. 

I believe that is what Kiel was talking about.  xD

Sorry, but you left yourself open to that one from your previous comment.  I couldn't resist.

It was just a joke.  : )

I wonder a lot of things too.  I have to admit, however, that that wasn't one of them.  xD

I wonder about worse things. Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow? Do they make a lusty clamor when you hit 'em with a hammer? Do your balls hang low?

Yeah, me too.  I hope and pray for some of them, and for an end to the rest.

I missed it.  : )

I learned that when I was eight, but slightly different...

Thanks for the offer. Now I just have to find out where to go for serious psychiatric help, I suppose. ;)

I can imagine!

I'm reminded of a saying in an old book I once read:

A giant will eat a troll.
A troll will eat a giant.
A troll will eat an ogre.
An ogre will eat a troll.
A giant will eat an ogre.
An ogre will NOT eat a giant.

All will eat humans gladly.

Not really true of course since an ogre will most certainly eat a giant if given the chance, but it was more of a generalization on the raw strength and size advantage that a giant has over an ogre in a one on one fight which would normally prevent an ogre from getting the best of a giant (and then eating him).

I'd say that depends on what version of each mythical beast you choose to accept as correct. I've seen multiple versions of ogres, multiple versions of trolls, and a hell of a lot of size variants for the concept of 'giant.'

Personally whenever I visualize these three for any story I'm creating it's usually as follows:

Ogres I see as being in that 7-9 foot range. They have a few vaguely human features, but they're much more massive in both muscles and fat. I tend to see them as being tribal, aggressive, and generally stupider than humans. However, out of the three I also see them as being the most likely to become "civilized" under certain circumstances and are able to work as guards, mercs, or any other job that doesn't require too much thinking and lots of potential for violence.

Trolls I don't see as being much bigger than ogres, but they have a leaner appearance and are a lot more agile whereas ogres are slower and much fatter. I also see trolls as being more vicious and animalistic and the least "human looking" of the three. (And I always like the idea of them being able to regenerate)

Giants I see as being 10 feet or taller and their appearance can vary depending on the sort of giant I'm using for the story. Usually I just make them "Bigger ogres" that are more solitary and even less likely to be friendly towards humans. (Or anyone really)

Duh hey! Did someone just call me stupid? ;P

A Christian will kill a Muslim.
A Muslim will kill a Christian.
A Muslim will kill an Atheist.
An Atheist will kill a Muslim.
A Christian will kill an Atheist.
An Atheist will STILL kill a Christian

All will kill Jews gladly.

dammit endmaster.  XD

First thing that came to mind.

'ello. Welcome. Enjoy your stay. 

Why thank you!

Rarf! R'ogres srcrary!  Rhehehe!
Welcome to CYS!

XD

Thank you, thank you.  I'll be here all week.  Don't forget to trip tip your waitresses.  ; )

Thanks so much!

Welcome.

Thank you!

*Jumps back in fear*

Oh god! Don't scare me like that!

On the other hand, enjoy your stay in our forum that will always find a way to be somewhat offensive to anything and everything. (Equal hate for everything? We're even fairer than the American judicial system!)

Sorry 'bout that. ;)