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I just found an article about controversial children's books... It's hilarious! These are all like genuine children's stories with pictures and everything. ^_^

1. Who Cares About Disabled People?: Teaching kids that people can have all kinds of disabilities... Like drunks and fat kids.

2. Maggie Goes on a Diet: A beautiful, uplifting story about a little girl who's bullied because she's fat. She goes on a diet, loses loads of weight and then all the children are nice to her and she gets loads of friends. ^_^

3. My Beautiful Mummy: Explaining to children why Mummy is getting plastic surgery.

4. The Night Dad went to Jail: A story about a little bunny rabbit who's sad because his Daddy's been sentenced to six years in the slammer.

5. Little Zizi: The tale of a boy who is bullied in the locker room for having a small penis.

6. Does God Love Michael's Two Daddies?: Lovingly explaining to little kids that your friend's gay parents are going to hell.

7. The Unwedding: Two kids throw an unwedding to celebrate their parents divorce... Because now they get twice as much stuff as before!

8. I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much: Mummy explains to her daughter that her real daddy loves her very much... But drunk daddy is sick, and she should try to stay out of his way.

9. Alfie's Home: Teaching kids that just because your uncle touched you when you were little, it doesn't mean you're gay.

10. Go the Fuck to Sleep: ... 'Cos sometimes parents get really tired. ^_^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sOA_U3-HOs

The funny thing is, these books only exist in America because it's the only place I can imagine with these kinds of problems XD I've never heard of them, but it makes me want to read...

Man, children's books seem to be getting worse with age...

You can only imagine alcoholics in America? :P

Alcoholics who are also cartoon animals, Aman. XD

^^ Pretty much sums up America XD 

America! Fuck yeah! Coming again to save the motherfucking day, yea!

America! Fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah!

Well of course alcoholism is only a problem in America, being an alcoholic in Australia is just being a regular citizen there.

And Ireland ^_^

Drinking in Australia, I'd say, also starts younger. 14 year olds are spending friday nights getting fucked up with their friends, and it's pretty much accepted. 

I'd also put in an argument for Scotland, there's fuck all else to do up there but get drunk, fight and hate the English.

... You can toss cabers.

Nah. I can imagine them in Ireland, too. XD

I'm guessing number six is only sold in Christian bookstores because I imagine that out of all of them, that one would cause the biggest shitstorm if sold in a regular bookstore.

That one did make me laugh ^_^

#10 was a bestseller- there's even an audiobook version narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.  It's got a sequel, "You Have to Fucking Eat."

Latawnya the Naughty Horse Learns to Say No to Drugs

 

Yeah I remember seeing something with number 10 and Sam doing the audio version before.

And I think I saw number 5 and 3 on one of those Cracked lists going on about messed up children's books.

Lol, that's what the link in the post is to 

Oh, well that's probably where I saw it first then. Lol.

I kind of liked it when Kid's books didn't have any obvious "moral lesson"

One of my favorite books was the "Fat Cat" which was all about a cat that suddenly one day just ate his master, town citizens, women & children and a priest until a woodsman cut his belly open with an axe.

Now of course one could come up with a lesson in the dangers of gluttony, but I just liked the fact that it was about a cat eating people.

Lol! I think you'd have liked a book called "I want my hat back." It's about a bear who loses his hat, so he goes to all the other animals and asks if they've seen his hat. In the end he finds a rabbit wearing a red, pointy hat and says "Have you seen my hat?" The rabbit says "No! Of course not! I wouldn't steal a hat! Stop asking me stupid questions!" So the bear walks away, looking very sad... Then a deer asks the bear what's wrong. The bear says he lost his hat and the deer asks what it looks like. The bear says, "It's red and pointy and... Wait a minute, I HAVE seen my hat!" Then he runs off... Next you see a picture of the bear wearing a pointy red hat saying, "I love my hat" and looking very happy... Then a squirrel walks up to the bear and says "Have you seen my rabbit?" The bear says, "No! Of course not! I wouldn't eat a rabbit! Stop asking me stupid questions!" 

There's a sequel to that, too!  It's called "This is Not My Hat." 

At work, I had an elderly woman tell me that those books were "inappropriate" for kids, and she was appalled the artist won a Caldecott.

Man, you get a lot of bitchy old ladies where you work. 

Well my nephews found it hilarious ^_^

This is the best thing ever.

Why don't links work when I post them? 

Because you are a no-clicky infidel. 

Those reviews, though. XD

It is sad that Amazon's ratings are so irrepairably broken because of this, but they are hilarious.

Go the Fuck to Sleep is pretty much awesome. 

It's just plain wrong.  Though I'm having trouble typing through the hysterics.  XD

I'm gonna use this as next years Xmas list (for those select people who've annoyed me with their childrens' stories).  Thanks, Briar!  XD

NP! That horse one looks pretty awesome too... There's also a kid's books called "Where Willy Went" ... Guess what it's about 

My teacher once read that to the class, when I was but a lad of Grade Three, I think. 

By the title I thought "Where Willy Went" might have topped the list of stocking stuffers (hehe), but then I Googled it...

I think they all might be a big hit here in the Bible Belt  (about half of the kids in this area go to Christian Schools, and a large percentage are home schooled because science is ... ).  

To be fair I don't think "Where Willy Went" is supposed to be a Christian book, just a book to explain sex to little kids in a way that hopefully won't traumatize them for life. 

How 'bout jus' a little?  Just enough that the parents have to endure the discomfort that I feel when they tell their "cute stories"?  

Well yeah, a picture book about sex meant for kids under the age of 8 has got to fuck them up at least a little bit. 

Good point.  ;)

You forgot the best one of all! The Moose with Loose Poops

How are these controversial again?

I imagine the internet, especially Cracked, would get pretty moist over half of these things.

Well, for one, most of the issues listed are things people don't want to have to discuss face-to-face with their children. So, it is kinda hard to imagine that they would want to give them any of these books.

Well I'd think the "Your friend's gay parents are going to hell" book might piss a few people off. 

What if the child reading has, like, really religious parents or something?

It is all about the audience. Most of these are aimed at kids going through something -- the bunny's dad getting arrested; the dad drunk, kids not going to sleep, etc. I can only consider maybe one or two to be genuinely offensive from the list you provided.

Nothing hilarious about this book at all...

I read the first sentence and I was like: "What the fuck is wrong with books these days...?"

Too bad it was written 20 years ago. :P XD 

The satanic one reminds me of a Jack Chick Tract.

The urinary one or the digestive one?

... If I ever have kids, remind me never to put them in daycare 

Don't put your kids in daycare.

Don't worry Briar, this was written back in the days when those silly 'muricans believed that the edgy teens who claimed to worship the devil were actually brave and/or stupid enough to sacrifice babies and shit during Halloween. I mean, outside of Hollywood, that is; they've believed it since forever and show no signs of stopping.

I'm terrified.

Needs a few good five-star reviews on amazon to signal boost the book back to being popular xD

I'm about to read Little Zizi, and theres a picture of a dog carrying a string of sausages.

Charming.

These sound like things End would write, just less fucked up.

I'm pretty sure "Maggie Goes on a Diet" and "Who Cares about Disabled People?" are paths in A Very Special Chooseyourstory.

Maybe End DID write these...

I don't think End has it in him to repress his natural narrating voice for the sake of the snot-nosed, pants-shitting brat that deserves to hear the self destructive messages within.

Yeah, you can just as easily shoot them instead. They'll get shot eventually, with or without that message.

Wow I'm really glad I just got Dr. Seuss and the Rhyming Bible. So glad my mom didn't have to read "I wish Daddy didn't drink so much" to me and who came up with "the Unwedding" that is just fucked up.

Weird, I think The Unwedding is probably one of the least fucked up books on the list 

From the description I read, it sounds like the book is just saying that some parents aren't meant to be together and it isn't the kids' fault that they're breaking up.

As for the getting two sets of gifts thing, well I'd chalk that up to the book trying to have the kids focus on making the best of a bad situation.

Instead it has children with happily married parents trying to break them up so they can have twice as many presents at Christmas ^_^

I've only tried to do that once.