Now we've all been thinking it for a while, but there's a lot more to this story than just that eternal has way too many fucking words in it. Like, christ, if you have more words in your story than dead Indians under your house, you should really reconsider how much shit you're squeezing in. Eternal should not have been one game, but rather several games, stretched out into easily digestible sequels, with a good TO BE CONTINUED every few choices so that people know when to take a break. He really needs to take a few notes from world-renowned storytellers like Peter Jackson, and know when to arbitrarily cut things off that are supposed to be a part of something much more interesting.
But this, this shit is all forgivable. Between him not splitting up his enormous games, not supporting Sharia Law, and just in general being a disrespectful twat, I think that's something we can all look past. After all, none of the site members are good christians, nor are we idiots who get upset about trivial things. The last time I got upset over a trivial thing was 5 minutes ago, and I'm an entirely different person now. Really, I bet half of you don't even remember what you were like 5 minutes ago. We've been drinking to forget all these years. The fact of the matter is that we have to stand united, AS A TRIBE, over the 4 most important tenets that have bound this community together like a fine paste all these years:
1.) We do not bully children here. This place is a haven of hugs and encouragement for all writers, no matter how incomprehensible.
2.) We do not approve of large contributions. Only bite-sized ones.
3.) Heroquest is the worst game ever made. Anyone who says otherwise is wrofasdn.e Sorry about that, I felt as if some powerful and deeply Australian force was trying to strangle me from beyond the vale, but we all know what I was trying to say, so let's move on.
4.) National Paczki day was technically yesterday, but because we here appreciate authenticity above all else, we're going to celebrate it tomorrow just because the local German bakery didn't finish their batch yet.
C.) Because it's important to protect children from bullying, we must virulently protest all interference with their development so they can grow into adults worth bullying.
Endmaster has failed to uphold any of these tenets whatsoever, and frankly I can't understand why we've not only lauded him until a brave underdog pointed out his flaws and died for our cause, but elevated him to such a rank in our society that he's effectively untouchable by all but the site's developers, who would have to resort to some sort of guerilla trickery that three entire autists had attempted and failed at before. Even with Ryder's unmatched hacking skills, the likes of which would put MP3 Pirates to shame, and his distinctively infinite dedication, the uprising against the status quo was easily quashed by Endmaster, simply because we gave him powers that no man should be allowed to have especially not him!
I put it to you, that it was naught but 3J's corrupt decisionmaking process, as he sought to uproot Fun Mod Kiel's illustrious dynasty and sully his name with allegations of pedophilia. Well I'll have you know one thing! I was of perfectly legal age when he started inviting us all to play Cards Against Humanity on strange websites where there would be no savable record of all the romantic innuendoes that he used to share on the forum. In Syria, I could've been a married, fully-functioning alcoholic! And I'm sure all those Ex-Warrior Cat degenerates were of age when he joined their Five Nights at Freddies Roleplay with what could only be noble intentions!
And thanks to JJJ's shameless nepotism, we're left with a pitiful shadow of a mod who bans without even giving them three warnings and a wrist-slap in advance! In his hubris, he's silenced the voices of innumerable and invaluable young philosophers, plying their craft, simply because he does not agree with the manner in which their incredible and unique thoughts are presented! In one fell swoop, he eliminated the important bureaucracy that protects our freedom and replaced it with oppression. No longer are those accused of trolling given 3 weeks or more to prove themselves worthy of functioning in a community! No longer are we allowed to truly challenge authority or something!
Endmaster the Usurper, crony of the petty banisher- His entire career is just a conspiracy to uproot the loving tentacles of the One True Mod! Don't you see? These allegations of internet-diddling, these "child vaccinations", these "circumcisions", they're all just tools used by those in power to keep the effeminate internet-weeaboo down, and that's not something we can stand for in the least.
I know I'm liable to be banned for something like this- I know not how long this very post will stay up before it's destroyed by the Tyrant that rules this place with an iron, lube-laden, fist, but there are ways of fighting back. These forums are a lost cause, there's no hope for us to win here, because that's where the CORRUPT officials hold all the executive powers. What you must do is free the children of their Anti-Kiel brainwashing. If you see a little boy or girl in the wild, point them to the nearest windowless van so that Kiel's agents can escort them to the embassy. If any children are in your care, you must expose them to as many of the unvaccinated as possible so that their purity can spread and decompose the harmful autistic fetusses that the doctors put in there for some reason.
There isn't much time. I have to sleep soon, and Endmaster's already caught on to my expertly disguised alt account. All I can hope for is that some of you are able to read this last manifesto and take heed- You are the last hope for a dying future.
