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Got a favorite storygame? Can't beat The Wal*Mart Game? If you're here to play storygames, this is the forum for you.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Community time! Alright, so here's how this is going to work. You can go to any storygame and list any comment that you think is feature worthy. If there are already three featured comments, then that comment must be better than one of the featured ones. If I agree with you, you get 2 EXP points. This can build up incredibly quickly, since in the end there should be something like 1500 comments featured. That's 3000 possible points! You are also permitted to write a comment on a storygame and then nominate it for featuring.

Requirements for a featured comment

- Grammatically decent (doesn't have to be perfect but has to be well written)
- Accurately portrays the storygame
- Is one of the best three comments present!!! Don't just send me back the first good one you see.

And that's it.

Requirements for getting your points

- You must list the exact username that the commentor used (so I can use ctrl+F to quickly find it)
- I must agree with you!

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Are you going to be awarding those who have their comments featured?

Anyways, I'm going through the comments in my story and I'll post the 3 I feel are best.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Just got the idea to look up an online adventure game, I was playing Skyrim and found a choose your own adventure style book. This one was highly rated, and I see why. Nicely done. Thanks for the early-morning entertainment.
- Mike


Big Mike (No Account)


-----------


Due to technical reasons, I couldn't proceed past the area in chapter two where there's a zombie in the room after you decide to take Bob with you, so I restarted and got the ending for chapter1 so I could end the game in a halfway dignified state lol. That is the greatest zombie game I've played on the site, even if I have only made it to chapter two, Bo approves.


ThisisBo


-----------


It was very entertaining. Sure there were a few errors here and there but it was fun to play and that constitutes a good rating. I got the Best Ending with the achievements "Best Friend Ever" and "Saviour of Mankind".
Actually didn't have to use the back button once throughout this, a refreshing change to the norm for zombie stories, where if you pick the wrong choice you die instantly.


October

Featured Comments

6 years ago

God, back when I was in my "bo approves" stage :/

Featured Comments

6 years ago

I think you should get back into that phase lol.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Playa approves

Featured Comments

6 years ago

On a side note, i did actually go back and play the whole thing later. Still loved it.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

I'll recommend some comments from my story.

 

I loved the style of this at the beginning but it really tapered off in quality by the end. It felt like you totally ran out of steam. Also, I wouldn't call it an RPG. Still worthy of a 5/8 and it was a phenomenal first game but if you pace yourself, you can do much better :)

JJJ-thebanisher

 

Well, it had potential. Some things that can be improved are the randomness of the choices, the endings not being available, and more details, like background information on the characters/settings/zombies, weapons, maps, and pictures. It could have been a good storygame with all those things because your writing is good.

urnam0

 

Those were the only two comments I thought were feature worthy.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Re: Killa, yeah I've been giving out points for getting your comments featured.

I've just went and featured the comments I agreed with :)

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Looks like Bo didn't make the cut lol.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Here's 2 I'd like featured -

 

That was pretty good.

Tons of choices, weird but unique and interesting story, and an impressive battle system. Though it is very strange it's also very fun to play and keeps the player entertained for a long time.

The only I would suggest is to have a little more hints for the player to choose from so he/she is not just picking moves at random. Also, when the crabs battle it wouldn't to put a little commentary in just to keep things fresh.(Like in sports with announcers.)

Nice job.

6/8

Crab Arena!
JMgskills (Score of 30)
6/4/2012 9:37:54 PM

 

This was absolutely amazing! While some of the pictures and power-ups could have used some tweaking and re-placing, this was all-in-all a very enjoyable storygame!

Seriously, the creativity and use of variables and scripting is remarkable! 8/8 for sure!

Crab Arena!
Doodled (Score of 215)
6/4/2012 1:14:23 AM

 

 

 

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Crab Arena featuring done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

I'm going to make a list for featured games of each category. I'll post what I think deserves to be featured sometime tonight.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Here are the comments I liked the most from mine. 

I'm not going to rate you on lack of a story or plot because you already said that this is just a test. 

What really held this story back was the battle options. There were only a three attacks and in the end they were all very similiar. After awhile, I just got bored and just randomly picked. Also, descriptions for what is happening when you attack is very necessary seeing as it helps with the story.

You do have a good understanding of variables though and for that I give you credit.

4/8

Bo's Scripting Test 2.0
JMgskills (Score of 0)
 
YEEEEES! I WON! THE MONSTROSITY IS DEAD! One more thing for your actual story, typing: $PAGETEXT := $PAGETEXT + "
" + "
" + "YOUR HEALTH: " + %HEALTH + "%" into the global page thing will make each page include YOUR HEALTH: (the character's health)% (skip the % by not including the "%" in the script. Also, if you have a certain variable that only shows up for a certain scene, you can have that depend on chapters, then have a specific chapter for where that variable shows up. Then, just include a: IF $CHAPTERID = 3 THEN $PAGETEXT := $PAGETEXT + "
" + "
" + "GOBLIN'S HEALTH: " + %GOBLIN + "%" Just a tip although it really doesn't matter.
Bo's Scripting Test 2.0
SindriV (Score of 0)
6/14/2011 7:31:23 AM
 
I'm intrigued by the idea of this game. My only concern is when you choose an action, there is one link to show your action and another to show the goblin's action. Perhaps combine the two. Of course, I still enjoyed this and was merely making a suggestion.
Bo's Scripting Test 2.0
Resthera (Score of 0)
12/18/2011 8:02:21 PM

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Okay, so here's what I have so far.

 

?FANTASY

 

?Death Song

Dear god, that final "good" ending was lovely. I really enjoyed this, as it was a far more thoughtful take (in my opinion) on Necromancer's events. Well written, often amusing, and heart-rendingly sad at the very end. Bravo.

-- Zelamir, 5/17/2012 12:56:54 AM

As much as I liked Necromancer, I must say that this one takes me to a much deeper place. The story is far more captivating, especially when following a specific path. 

This story seems more mature to me, with far more personal loss and sacrifice. The emotions somehow seem more... real or relatable, and you get to understand not only the main character's point of view, but also those around him. 
All in all it's a great story that gives a completely different perspective from its "equal". 
Thank you.
-- Ekima, 7/26/2011 6:21:06 PM

 

Great companion story to Necromancer and your other stories. I even got the "good" ending where I played the last song for the big bad boss. I gave it a 7, a few minor flaws kept it from being an eight. There were a few typos, missing words, etc, but this story is so long it might not be worth the time to comb it over looking for them. I don't know how you get the time to write all these ridiculously long epics, but great job.
-- urnam0, 1/19/2009 1:11:09 AM

Eternal

Dunno if you're allowed to do this, but this would be an updated comment from my old one, after I decided to cheat death several times in order to see the conclusion to this amazing story. After staying up all night simply reading this, it ended up being much more than just a simple game, instead turning into an actual fully fleshed out story. With every betrayal, death, or reunion, I would actually feel myself connect more and more into this immersive story. All in all, I would definitely give this an 8/8.

-- Sack, 7/1/2012 10:03:56 AM

 

Perhaps my favorite part of playing through this storygame was how the early ending had a real sense of being an ending. They weren't just "you died, the end". The writing was very well done, but there are a few grammatical errors here and there (almost unavoidable really, with the length of the work). The characters were both believeable and very much alive! Thank you for allowing us to take a walk through your eternal vision. Overall, a wonderful read and a masterful demonstration of what a storygame can be, remember this!
-- oldmankatan, 10/22/2011 11:20:22 AM

 

A very dark read, but it was amazing nonetheless. It was entertaining, the characters were engaging (especially Gruz) and the story was immersing. There were a few minor grammatical/spelling errors, and at times it felt a little linear, but it was nothing that detracted from my enjoyment of the story. Well done. (I got the Eternal Couple epilogue.)
-- October, 9/28/2011 11:10:41 PM

 

MODERN

 

?Cryptode

 

I would have given it an eight if not for the long fight on the mountain and it not being so difficult because I was just guessing on what to do at times. On the other hand, it had a nice use of items, amazing amount of options, and great spelling. It had action, mystery, puzzle solving, and just felt like a cool game. 

Excellent job. 

7/8
-- JMgskills, 4/30/2012 12:02:44 PM

 

Great game...until the shooting loop. 

Good: The story was fun and I loved the movie-like feel of it all! Driving the SUV was fun! 

Bad: Items were cool, but some item images were just a bag. Why? There were some grammar and spelling issues too. 

Ugly: Why does a game with such potential have to end in frustration? (I had 38 bullets and 23 health, I even cheated and everytime I was "hit" I went back till I wasn't. Over and over and over again I ran out of bullets, finding a few in the cave. Over and over and over again. I must've killed 100 men....Nothing.) 

I hope someday this will be fixed. I am sure others feel the same way too. - We wish we could have seen the ending...:(
-- magcos, 1/25/2012 12:56:38 PM

 

This is an incredible game with a fun storyline that I found reminicent of many of the classic Adventure Games. Aside from a way-too-long final battle, the gameplay was very impressive. The author really took the system to the limit, including a driving-around chapter (with map and a YOU ARE HERE dot) and a Casino. I highly recommend taking the time to play this.
-- Alexp, 12/4/2005 1:19:49 AM

Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?

Wow. I'm sorry I waited so long to play this game (didn't think it would be a good idea to play at work) because it's really impressive and complex. Love the statistics and the use of the character sheet to track them and your accomplishments; it's a big turn-off when I start a game and discover I have to keep track of a lot of stats by hand. 


Also liked that the correct choices are NOT random; they make a lot of intuitive sense and aren't left up to chance like picking which door leads to the exit and which leads to instant death. 

Of course, now I'm going back and going to make horrible choices to see the bad endings... Great work!
-- mandichaos, 5/9/2010 12:13:22 AM

Absolutely incredible. This is a must-play! 


The writing is riveting (well done!) and the game play is very transparent. An impressive feat, especially considering how open-ended the storygame is. I'm going to run through again later (if only I didn't have to go to work now).
-- alexp, 2/10/2007 12:28:00 PM

Even though I couldn't find the correct ending, I still managed to have a good time with this. The storyline, and characters, everything. They are all done so well. I can't believe how well this story was done. It takes in so many mathematical formulas and creative writing traits, that if he took an IQ test, he'd have 150 or something like that. This has to be the best piece of work I've ever seen for choosing your own fate.

-- Havacoman, 1/15/2007 3:43:05 PM

?Tales From the Basement

I won! YESS! Best ending! Now I'm very proud of myself. 


Thought I went through all of your stories last year but this one I must've missed. Great stuff. I really admire your talent to write quite "sick" and "tasteless" things and then still find the discipline to keep on pursuing the issue... -everytime I start to let my phantasy 'flow freely,' i totally lose it and "snap" without hope for recovery. You somehow manage to walk the line without going too far, which is remarkable. 

Best quote: "Half of this shit is inane and stupidly childish, and the other half is really fucked up and twisted. And some of it manages to combine the two halves. [...]"
-- quaker, 7/17/2011 5:35:22 AM

 

Great Stories. Very original ideas, lot of choice, and absolutely hysterical on many (some very creepy) levels. Congrats on this.
-- march5th00, 7/3/2008 10:52:23 AM

 

That's fantastic! Even though I've only read one story of these basement dwellers, I'll get back to the rest in a bit. I managed to get the pedo ending in Anime Addict... which was weird. No comment,lol! 8\8
-- Leon101, 6/25/2008 1:47:42 AM

?The Wal*Mart Game

A fun and funny game! 

Good: The story is good and there are many choices to choose from. I liked the radio controlled car and disguise tricks! 
Bad: Not enough clues given on how or when to use the items. 
Ugly: I spent hours trying things: seemed to have gone everywhere and gotten everything even the Loading Dock location, but none of the other items seemed to do anything and I couldn't figure out how to use them. So I settled for the Lame Ending :(
-- magcos, 1/25/2012 3:06:45 PM

This was the most clever, complex game I have played on this site. It took me an hour and a half and I still only got the "good" ending, not the Uber. The writing is well done and I love the ability to pick up items and then use them, like old Zork. A lot of items went unused, but perhaps that's because I couldn't find the other ending. I would love to know what I was supposed to do after setting off the pipebomb to get the Uber-ending. The only complaint I have is that once in a while, if stuck, I was forced to run to each location and try using almost every object I had. That may be my fault, however. Oh! I love the fact that the writer knows every detail about every object, every specification and all. Heheheh! Great job..more!!! And thanks for playing mine! :)

-- madglee, 6/10/2003 11:38:25 PM

Hey thatguy! WOW! THIS GAME ROCKS! When finished it has potential definately to be the best game on the site. I think i tried every possible alternative but only got the "lame" ending. so im not sure if i missed something or not! Hopefully the game is finished in time for the contest cause you're a definate competitor!! Thanks for a GREAT game!

-- march5th00, 2/13/2003 7:07:53 PM

Vengeance

 

The good parts of this game was that there was a good amount of options, nice action scenes, and a nice array of items. You had a decent plot and I kind of liked the characters. The things that I felt held this story back was that there were no pictures for the items, which in retrospect is not that big of a deal but it's nice to have, and the story at times was unrealistic. I can't imagine this happening to a normal kid and him being perfectly okay with it. It just seemed cheap at times, like a bad action movie. 

All in all, I don't think this was to bad of a game. 

5/8
-- JMgskills, 4/8/2012 2:28:58 PM

 

Excellent game. The weapon choices added a lot of scenarios to the game, although it seems like a certain combination covers every scene perfectly. It would be nice to see different weapon choices leading through different events rather than making events easier, but the story and humorous undertone are so good, it's hard to really care. Congratulations on this must-play game.
-- Melike, 4/2/2008 1:29:22 AM

 

Great story! I liked the plot and all the characters. One minor problem I found was after using the [secret] in the right door the page says "A New Link." The link leads to the right place but you might want to rename it. I won with the best ending! Lots of fun. Excellent job!
-- madglee, 8/9/2006 2:48:20 AM

 

That's all I have for now. I'll try to go through the other categories tonight.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

May the 28th: A New Beginning

 

That was the longest game I've played. What an awesome game! So much effort was put into that. A very good congratulations by me. I especially liked the Sephiroth, as he is my second favourite FFVII character to Vincent, and Sephiroth is just so awesome. The 'Pikachu Takes A Dump' thing cracked me up. Well done.
-- October, 9/14/2006 6:00:32 AM
 
Still very creative, and I like seeing the appearance of favorite characters. I loved that D&D cartoon; forgot all about it. The battles are too "choose duck or dodge," though. Also, even though I have a sick and bizarre sense of humor, a lot of the commercials were about raping or molesting little children, which was a bit peculiar. I think you could improve this story by making more choices in the battles and shortening the story a bit - nothing against long stories, but when a lot of the length is cuts straight from a show, I started to skip through a bit. Good job though.
-- madglee, 8/31/2006 11:54:03 AM
 
wow long. wow linear. wow the battle scenes continue to be "up or down" "oops you picked the wrong one so start all the way back at the beginning that you started 45 minutes ago..." very tedious. the humor bits were funny (though stolen) and the writing was fair. The links for music did not work. and the commercials were at times downright offensive. I recommend this game to older individuals who are not in the mood to make choices, but would like to read a humorous (at times) game.
-- march5th00, 12/8/2005 11:11:05 PM
 
Snow
 
Thank you so much. I enjoyed the beautiful melancholy of this game. The short sentences hit me like a gust of winter wind. The sad ending reminds me of how winter looks to someone inside a warm house waiting for spring. I enjoyed this very much.
-- Ariel, 4/28/2012 2:39:36 AM
 
As I began reading the story I was digging the style of your fragmented and vaguely connected bits of memory. I wondered briefly if it would get any more detailed, and was starting to think as I moved forward in the story that it wouldn't and that I would be disappointed because of this. You proved me wrong though, the emotions in this story, especially towards the end, were fantastic. Excellent use of the sites formatting. Well done.
-- donteatpoop, 9/2/2007 6:48:21 PM
 
I actually gave this an 8. A brilliant piece of clean writing. It manages to set mood in such a short amount of time, and really made me care about the characters. The romance was just that - romantic - without seeming forced or cheesy. Very clever, too, how the story is structured. Excellent, effective way to develop the characters. I really liked this.
-- madglee, 6/27/2007 7:53:56 AM
 
The Proposal
 
It was like re-living the whole event over again. I am soooo happy and thankful that I am with the most amazing guy in the world. Thank you for all the hard work you did (and your friends of course)....this is truly something I will remember for the rest of my life. I love you!!
-- Katrina T., 12/20/2005 8:24:51 PM
 
Wow, I really got a kick out of this adventure. I thought it was brilliant. I wish I had done something this "out of the box" when I proposed to my fiance. She said yes too, but what a story it would have been if I had done something like this. I wonder how you came up with this idea. Seems like so many things could have gone wrong. Like what if she didn't figure out the clues? It was definitely risky but payed off in the end. I'm sure she enjoys telling people this story. Great job man. Loved it.
-- Tom, 6/23/2011 3:10:49 PM
 
That was a very smooth proposal. Very well thought out and I can just imagine the time and effort it took to make the plan in action.
-- Robee, 7/18/2012 3:18:16 PM
 
Haunted
 
This game was certainly fun and puzzling. All I did, though, was senselessly using items, o.o. I guess you should tell us more about the game and maybe add some extra storyline (the storyline was appealing to me, and I just wanted to know more)? If this game is like this, it is definitely in Mystery/Puzzle game, though it is your choice as to where it should go.
Anyway, I got the Eternal Love ending. That was a surprise, I thought the main character and the ghost would get a bit more acquainted. Oh well, too bad.
-- GodsSlayer, 6/7/2007 6:10:12 PM
 
That was an awesome storygame, Sethaniel. The writing was great, and it was a cool idea how the items brought back certain memories, and there were even hidden items. I enjoyed trying to figure out what items to use and which not to use. I also loved how you have different endings and how in different combinations, different things happen. This truly was delightful to read :)

Please continue to write like this and please continue with these original ideas!

Solostrike
-- solostrike, 6/12/2007 5:58:20 PM
 
Nice little tale, short and sweet. Easy to get into, easy to progress through, appealing and addictive, as I want to find out all the other endings. Dialogue strong, some more description would've been nice, but not necessary.
-- Satyr, 3/10/2012 9:06:27 PM
 
Orpheus
i would have rated it even higher if it werent for the large number of conjagation errors. its was very good and very creative. well done! especally for a first story game. im looking forward to seeing more. if the mistakes in here are fixed its bound to be well received.
-- ugilick, 4/28/2011 12:42:15 AM
 
Damn! I actually really, really, really liked this! Great, great job! Your writing created and awesome atmosphere and I actually felt a lot of compassion for my character and connection to Alice. Phenomenal. If this weren't so linear, it would be a 7. I gave it a 6. I'm considering moving it to L&D and featuring it, would you be OK with that?
-- JJJ-thebanisher, 5/6/2011 5:52:43 PM
 
the concept was interesting, thoughtful, and complimented the poetic, almost lyrical writing style. There were a few technical errors, and a few times I wished you would have gone into a little more detail, but neither is a major detraction from a well crafted story.
-- estelwen, 1/28/2012 11:55:14 PM
 
Desperate Heart
 
I found this story entertaining--not a whole lot of details, but this is a Choose Your Own Adventure thing and not a huge novel, so I can forgive that. Because of that, I don't mind the lack of development between Kei and Kite--and I'm sure much of it happened off-screen that just didn't get shown. But, regardless, I liked the story, loved the ending I got--twisted and I was okay with the maturity, but it was really sweet. My only REAL nitpick is the lack of back-story; I would've enjoyed more of that, but I can forgive it.
-- Tsukaiz, 4/19/2012 11:55:04 PM
 
Went through a bunch of different paths. I liked how you integrated the CYS aspect with movements and feelings rather than only "choices." The writing is colorfully descriptive without being too descriptive, and it's unpretentious and clean. Each word seems to have been carefully chosen and placed. I really liked it. I want the tentacle rape scene put back in, though. Excellent work!
-- madglee, 7/18/2008 4:28:45 PM
 
A little too brief and short for my liking, but the writing is expressive and the length probably suited to people who only want to read a quick, short story. Feels like a summarized version of a much longer story, maybe of another game, perhaps? The options provided carried compelling emotional consequence, and the resulting description of the characters' state of mind was believable. Some parts of the writing could still use a better choice of words, i.e. there is still room for improvement. But then that could be said for just about all writing (regardless of author) and the quality here is still quite good and much better than most of the works on this site. Keep it up, would love to see more work from this author.
-- WanderingPlayer, 7/17/2011 7:50:14 PM
 

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

I'm tempted to delete that comment of mine from 2006. "A very good congratulations by me." Wtf haha.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Fan Fic

Danny Phantom's Adventure
 
Very well written, beautiful pictures, great story, plenty of choices and arcs. One of the better stories in the Fan Fiction category. It's a bit short, but I think it works well that way. If you'd expand on the background, with more descriptions on each character, I'd enjoy it even more.
-- madglee, 9/21/2006 12:29:55 PM
 
I've never heard of that show but I loved this game. Extremely well written and terrific illustrations! I spotted no spelling mistakes at all. That was awesome.
-- October, 11/2/2006 12:21:58 AM
 
That was really enjoyable. The pictures were more that great, they were fantastic! The story was really well written, I liked the pacing of it. The choices were logical and easy to overcome, with some thought. Defiently worth every cent.
-- Leon101, 9/2/2006 2:03:09 PM
 
Hell Girl: The Shattered Mirror
 
I really, really liked this. I'm going to replay it to check out the other paths. It was simple but had a good flow to it, and it was pristine as far as mechanics, grammar, and spelling are concered. I gave an 8!
-- deadly_sinner66, 5/18/2011 9:55:00 AM
 
wow...

That sister is a B*tch everyday and all day long. Still I feel the car ending is much better than sending her and yourself to the pit.
-- Fireplay, 11/23/2011 1:34:00 PM
 
Oh. My. Gosh. This was one of the first games I ever played on this site, and this was just awesome. I played this about 7 times to get all the endings. The TV show seems a bit too dark for my tastes, but you did a great job with this story.
-- Mrkoolis13, 7/2/2012 11:01:12 PM
 
Star Wars, a new Galaxy
 
This was the game that made me start writing my own Star Wars series. I loved a lot about it.

The action was intense, loved the choices I had, and travelling across worlds and fighting bad guys was awesome. I especially liked how I infiltrated the Sith area and there was humor to make it especially fun. And, of course, blowing up the Sith cruiser was just cool.

The only thing I didn't like was that I thought there could be more to it. For example, the options I chose only had, I believe, one lightsaber fight.(There was also one early on but it was really short.) I personally love duels and would be so excited if there were more. Also, I got confused at times when I tried to find the people who saved me and when I was just exploring. Maybe a little pictures and more descriptions of the surroundings would have helped?

All in all, not a bad job.

5/8
-- JMgskills, 7/10/2012 8:32:36 PM
 
I never knew this storygame was so awesome. I loved the battle scenes, the places, the storyline, it was awesome. Well done, an eight of of eight. Easily.

And also, nice golf card for the passes.
-- October, 12/21/2006 9:14:55 PM
 
I thought it was really cool, especially the character development, but some parts got kind of confusing, because of the amount of names being thrown at you at once. But this may be because I'm not a huge star wars fan.
-- Spazz4242, 7/19/2011 11:19:10 AM
 
Reunion
 
Is it wrong that the whole time I felt like taking scenes from that and making any one of them a Far Side comic? It's so incredibly amusing to think of these monsters acting like somewhat regular people I can't help but wonder what would happen at a barbeque or something. Very good!
-- Melike, 1/8/2009 1:28:21 PM
 
Some spelling and grammatical errors, but inherently hilarious. I really liked the fact that instead of the monsters reminiscing about their previous escapades and laughing about the good times they used to have, they mostly just partied. A very enjoyable read.
-- Trish, 7/15/2012 1:51:28 PM
 
interesting idea. all the old monsters coming together. but i think you could have used a bit more of their original character traits better. they all seemed to meld together with their dialogue, minus frank of course.
-- Fleshnblood_78, 10/11/2007 5:10:27 PM
 
Where in the World Is Carmen Sandeiago
 
Oh that was fun! I gave it a seven, originally I was planning a six, which was about ultimate for a storygame about Carmen Sandiego. I really, really, really loved how you incorporated so much history and educational material into the game. That was especially cool because Carmen Sandiego was an educational game itself. I liked the varying degrees of difficulty from start to end and the writing itself was really impeccable. Only your use of variables as opposed to scripting to display the TIMELEFT variable was anything less than perfect. My only advice to creating a better storygame is to choose a stronger topic. This was still, however, an excellent storygame. Thanks :)
-- JJJ-thebanisher, 8/3/2009 7:47:34 PM
 
Easily one of the best fanfics on the site. It was witty, well written, and really had the feel of the old Carmen Sandiego point-and-click adventure games that I practically grew up on. Great story, man!
-- Anubis, 8/4/2009 9:09:45 AM
 
and not to toot my own horn here
 
I loved this game. I love how most of the pictures were from the game on the computer. Some of the language you used for the cheif and pictures of the cheif and PDA were straight from the game. I loved it a great Fan fic.
-- cool74, 6/7/2011 8:19:27 PM
 
Highways of Hell
 
Devil's Rain Ending. i love the story. the only nitpick i can make is, one page i didnt know the girls name, the next page i did. and when i didnt drink the whiskey i was automatically taken down the hallway. outside of that, great story telling and a good job over all.
-- Fleshnblood_78, 2/7/2009 12:27:55 AM
 
Not bad at all, you need to work on your paragraphing and proof-reading because that was really distracting, but this was a good effort. I highly suggest the use of the advanced editor as that would have improved this in a multitude of ways.
-- JJJ-thebanisher, 8/4/2009 3:47:40 PM
 
I liked the movie connections, but it seemed a bit disorganized. Under certain circumstances it's possible to loop forever. The stories are good in and out of themselves, but depending on how someone progresses they may not make sense.
-- Melike, 3/26/2009 8:06:56 PM
 

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done!

Featured Comments

6 years ago

School

Fairview Highschool Game

Excellent! Tons of choices, great story, hilarious plot, very clever fight scenes. At first I thought it was kind of generic, and then I really got into it - images of high school were definitely conjured in my mind! ROFL! Annie is my favorite. I wouldn't change a thing.
-- madglee, 8/9/2006 4:39:27 AM
 
A few spelling errors and rather linear, however...

THIS WAS A FREAKING AWESOME GAME!!!!!

Plus, I liked how you used a lot of variables, except you might as well have used items too, but it was still a FREAKING AWESOME GAME!!!!!
-- Anubis, 8/24/2006 2:32:25 PM
 
Very long, I liked it. Especially the final face-off. Nice humor added in there, although most of the time I found myself systematically clicking links.
-- Melike, 11/5/2008 2:42:55 AM
 

Fairview HighSchool Game 2

Too easy , i liked the other one better. it was still fun, but not as good as the first.It should've been longer. Pretty good though, I was just hoping for the same lenght as the first.
-- ChaiHai, 9/27/2011 6:13:20 PM
 
Fun, but not as great as the first. The more a person makes of a game the worse it gets. Yours was just a small difference but noticable. Those wondering if you should play it, I say play it.
-- Havacoman, 3/18/2005 6:31:51 PM
 
Very easy! Much easier than the original, I think. But I suppose that's *because* I've played the original and knew how this sort of thing worked.
Regardless, very awesome. Keep up the good work!
-- NeonRage, 7/30/2006 10:25:02 PM
 
Finals Week
 
Great story! Took me a minute to figure it out, but I did. Loved the whole girlfriend sequence. I also liked finding out that Christopher Walken factors into even the most complex mathematical equations! Excellent!
-- madglee, 9/12/2006 2:03:51 PM
 
I think your game is alright the only problem is that some of the links dont lead to other links and i got a bit confused because i pressed some of the things and it just took me back to were i started and there was a little bit to much writing so i would shorten it down a bit if i was you. Other than those few problems it was pretty good. On a rating of 10 i would give you a 7.
-- beck, 2/9/2003 8:05:09 AM
 
I'm really impressed by the &#34;Breaking up with your girlfriend&#34; sequence on the last day of Finals Week!. It must have taken FOREVER to make. Just thought you should know that it was really appreciated and I had a blast! I tried to get all the different possible endings, but I think that I missed a few :). <br>Anyways this game is amazing, my favorite, and everyone should play it! (to get to the girlfriend thing I'm talking about make sure you don't study on the last day of Finals Week!)
-- breakupfan, 11/22/2002 12:08:07 PM
 
Schooled For Life
 
Excellent story. I think the stress and depression variables can rise too quickly, though, and cause the story to end too quickly. I like the use of items. Are you physically challenged? If not, amazing grasp of the trials these individuals surpass. Try modifying the stress/depression at the very beginning a little bit to give more people a chance to get further in the story. Great job!
-- madglee, 8/7/2006 12:43:38 AM
 
I was really enjoying myself until I had to leave school after my first day to play tennis. I'm going to try for other endings. This game is really entertaining. One of my favorites!
-- raptor7, 10/15/2011 1:20:16 AM
 
The stress and depression levels rise too quickly and you should be able to decide, when health hits 100, whether to stay in school or not. This could be an awesome game with a little editing. 5/8
-- Rommel, 4/6/2007 7:20:42 PM

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Edutainment

A Jung Hero's Adventure

That was a terrific game. It was such an awesome story. Seriously,I'm not trying to demote the site or anything but forget the site, just drag the story on a bit longer and make a novel out of it. I'd buy it. It's a good storyline. Well done. 8/8.
-- October, 9/9/2006 2:59:26 AM
 
I haven't rated many games yet, but I do feel that this one was outstanding. It was extremely interesting and even suspenseful too. I really identified with the character and some of the moral decisions were challenging ones which carried logical (if sometimes unexpected) consequences. At the end I was given the message "for an even better ending do [such and such--I can't give it away!]" and I definitely *will* play this one again and explore the alternative story line.

I will give this game a perfect rating if/when the author goes back and runs the text of each page through MS Word or some other spelling and grammar checker. Right now there are hundreds of spelling and grammar errors--I'm talking approximately one error for every one or two sentences. I found the story itself so well done that I could get past this problem without undue frustration or distraction. Still, imagin
-- DieDaily, 12/4/2006 4:38:44 PM
 
I loved the premise of this game. And I really liked how you gave the readers a list of definitions that you used throughout the game. I think you should go back and fix some of your grammar mistakes though because they are kind of bothersome. Once you fix them, this story will be really great.
-- SoarHighBeFree, 4/11/2010 3:31:47 AM
 
Adventures With Raven
 
I'm not too familiar with Native American mythology, but this was a fun, engaging story. Well written; some typos but no big deal. Very different from most of the games on this site. The story does a good job of allowing you to play the role of the trickster, a mischievous and fun-loving but sometimes arbitrarily cruel character, especially if he gets bored (sorry, Whale).
-- Scott299, 8/12/2003 11:29:51 AM
 
Lovely story. I'd love to know if your Raven is based off of any true legends, though, because it definitely reminded me of something very similar I read years ago, but can't remember now. In it there was also a Raven who one day took pity on Men and brought them fire.
-- Lycan, 1/30/2012 7:48:43 PM
 
A masterpiece. Truly kept me entertained through every page! Thank you for the time and effort you put into making this game, it's greatly appreciated!
-- march5th00, 11/21/2002 1:23:10 PM
 
Julius Caesar: Stayin' Alive!
 
Pretty good, with more freedom of choice than most of the games in the category. It is, of course, very easy to die--but then again, on this premise and title, it'd be weird if that wasn't the case. And it is an interesting premise.
-- Trzcina, 12/24/2009 4:37:00 PM
 
lol i had this play in english as well, It is definately my favorite. We even got to og to the shakespeare museum to see it in person. Sometimes being an honors student has its benefits... Pretty fun game if you ask me, it more or less goes along with the storyline and the only reasons it doesn't is because you omitted some of it to make way for humor, which i can respect.
-- ThisisBo, 4/28/2011 10:08:08 PM
 
solid story, but it lost its regal feel. also, around the senate area, it says something like Cassius starts with a C. i didnt get any thing that goes along with that. might want to look into it.
-- nate, 5/16/2006 4:49:49 PM
 
The Firebird
 
This was a fun little tale. I love the twist and turns you put in to make it a choice story. I also loved how you managed to keep the original legend pure. If you make the right choices. I know of this folk tale because of the small amount of time I wanted to be a Mythologist (no I did not make that word up)I enjoined this nice little adventure.
-- cool74, 5/10/2011 12:59:49 AM
 
VERY WELL DONE. yes it requires you to follow the path of the story, but I felt like I was in control of the outcome from the beginning non-the-less. Well put together, perfect for edutainment category. Congrats!
-- march5th00, 6/18/2007 12:56:58 PM
 
Wow, The story is amazing. The story take the reader away from surprise to surprise the other. With many attractions and events are mysterious. But unfortunately, Prince Ivan has sacrificed his life to know the mysteries of tree and bird. He was brave. King was not wrong when he choose Ivan to be king. Thanks the author has given us a good story to it. It's a really interesting story.
-- Yen, 9/23/2011 3:14:01 AM
 
The Quest for Pegasus
 
Excellent writing and story. Informative as well. The choices seem limited, but this is probably the confines of the mythology. Great job!
-- madglee, 8/15/2006 4:57:22 PM
 
Easily one of the best in the category. Well-written, interesting, and engaging--not to mention using proper spelling and grammar!
My main drawback would be that it really is quite linear, and it would be interesting to see it extend out into the adventures that are the epilogue. Either way, very nice!
-- Trzcina, 12/23/2009 6:17:40 PM
 
This is an extremely well made game, I love the story, options, and pictures. I know others who will love this game as well. Superb game. Seriously awesome. I don't think it could of been written better, as you appear to be an expert on the subject.
-- George M, 12/20/2002 12:16:55 AM
 
The Ramayana
 
I understand the story a little bit more now but I most likely will have to read the whole story and maybe learn some other things to truly appreciate it- a good learner and well made I'm glad this game exists. My grasp on understanding it (as far as the life lessons) has a lot to do with ignorance on the subject.
-- chocobot, 6/14/2006 4:59:24 PM
 
Not bad, and definitely educational--I was mostly unfamiliar with Indian legend--but not very engaging as a game, really. I see it as not a bad primer on the basics of a story, but at the same time it also seems to expect the reader to know the story. Although I did not find my lack of knowledge on the topic a handicap in completing it, it did mean that I wasn't always 100% sure what was going. All in all, not bad, but certainly not amazing.
-- Trzcina, 12/23/2009 5:21:20 PM
 
Nice work! Very informative, descriptive, and colorful. I've read the actual Ramanyana and this was a faithful rendition.
-- madglee, 9/3/2006 7:09:58 PM

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Think I am going to take a break now.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Haha, DieDaily is my dad! Nice find, that comment really is excellent.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Just in regards to the recent nominations - I'd rather not have any of my pre-2009 comments featured if that's okay. I don't think they reflect accurately on how I'd rate storygames now (and they're not feature-worthy comments to begin with).

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Mystery / Puzzle

Creature 2
 
This is a GREAT game. One of the best on CYS. Well proofread, original, hard to die but not easy to win, well organized, required problem solving, good use of items, had humor, great sequel to Creature 1- good continuity but adding new wrinkles and improving on weaknesses from the previous story.

Well done.

I recommend this for Featured game.
-- urnam0, 7/26/2009 3:39:28 AM
 
Was a bit confusing at first (since I didn't know what the differences with choosing each character was). But eventually I figured it out, was fun.
-- Killa_Robot, 6/30/2011 2:54:27 PM
 
Couldn't find a third
 
 
Dangerous Memories
 
Another excellent story. Not only is your writing extremely good (at times you mess up a tense but it's barely noticeable), you are an amazing storyteller. That was exciting. I'd like more choices, however. I appreciate that it's harder to drive the story forward that way, but still nice to have.
-- madglee, 11/3/2006 1:51:06 PM
 
This is a very good game! I very much like the way you write and though, yes I have to agree with Nate, your choices were simple. But, I like simple games with writing, I like reading them. Plus, you have excellent writing skills, so this game definitely deserves a 6. Please continue making more games!
-- GodsSlayer, 10/25/2006 10:20:03 PM
 
Wow, great story. Well written, and I love the unreliable narrator style of Memento and The Paradox Factor that you pulled off in this story. Very well done.
-- urnam0, 7/26/2009 4:57:04 PM
 
Riddle of the Sasquatch
 
Interesting! I like that legend, and the way you put it together. The punctuation and spelling could be a bit better, but the errors don't get in the way. There could have been a bit more choices, but I like the somewhat branching story. Also, I like the "curiousity killed the cat" bit, postulating all sorts of bizarre ideas. Hehehe. Good job.
-- madglee, 9/13/2006 10:15:23 AM
 
Your game was exciting with a little bit of adventure and mind works missing. It may also be, because I went the wrong way around. How ever thanks for the free mind game.
-- He Ko, 6/13/2003 5:14:10 AM
 
This game combines a mastery of bigfoot knowledge skillfully set in a entertaining, yet educational adventure that is easy for even newcomers to the bigfoot experience. Two very large feet up.
-- Pat Roach, 11/29/2002 1:13:06 AM
 
The Free Hand
 
If you're thirteen years old, then you are the most precocious writer I've ever seen. Regardless, not only is this one of the best written stories on the site, it is one of the best stories, and combines the intense descriptions disturbing photos. Excellent everything! This is going in my list.
-- madglee, 9/12/2006 8:56:04 PM
 
This game is awesome unnerving but awesome I need to have more time to play it- but great story - play and feel and use of objects as well. The pictures were amazing - probably the best use of pictures I've seen I'm going going to come back and play it soon as I get the chance I have a feeling I only played a quarter of the game! Nice
-- chocobot, 2/17/2006 11:27:42 AM
 
Very good game. I believe this is your first game also? Really excellent use of text color, photographs, and items. Also it is so refreshing to see great use of dialouge, instead of a lot of the games that are like this: JIM:dude i need help TOM:ok im coming to save you
-- Axebane, 2/17/2006 11:39:10 AM
 
The Object
 
Great story, tsmpaul. Extremely creative and clever in the way it reads through. The small amount of choices didn't really matter as the story was so good, and the limited choices actually made perfect sense in the confines of this particular story. Excellent job! This is one of my favorites.
-- madglee, 10/31/2006 1:29:10 PM
 
That was one weird and at times scary game. The whole loop and the voices, like all of a sudden one of the voices just say's ,"Scapel". Yeesh, that was weird and a talk of a tumor and the ending had me confused beyond belief...in a good way though. I like the story and especially the ending for it's happy yet, weird ending that just brings up a lot of questions. I'm expecting more stories from you soon.
-- Leon101, 11/21/2006 4:24:48 PM
 
Interesting. Leaves it off at a bit of a mystery. Makes me wonder if there was a way to get an explanation if you play it differently, but as far as I can tell you can't. The only ending is the 'mysterious' ending.

I must say, it left me a little unsatisfied, but didn't leave me desiring a sequal, but an explanation.
-- Forge, 5/1/2011 4:22:55 PM
 

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Everything Else

Big Time

Bravo! Bravo! It was hard, yet the final result was wonderful! I can tell that you spent a tremedous amount of time on this game and I'm sure that mine won't be nearly as good! I love it, but it would be even more awesome as an advanced game, where the money is the items, so that way, it could be even more elaborate. AWESOME GAME!!!!
-- Al, 4/29/2005 12:16:31 PM
 
The whole game had an air of hopelessness while still reminding you that there is always hope if you believe. Some of the combinations of events seem absurd if you play correctly, and I didn't care for the deja vu feel, but for a first story...well, I find it hard to believe that this is a first. Good-no, great-no, fantastic job! Yes, quite laudable.
-- Melike, 10/14/2008 3:09:31 AM
 
Well written, although the font was a little too small for my taste. My only other complaint was that even though I drove Cindy Lou home, she was still in Springfield when I got back- so I drove her home again, and then she was at the restaurant where I worked. That girl gets around.
-- Sethaniel, 10/2/2006 10:13:02 PM
 
Happiness Test
 
It's interesting. Lately, I've been going through a rough spot in my life, but if I had to generalize my happiness... I guess moderate happy would work, and I don't suspect that's ever goig to change. i think temporary happiness is what varies the most, but you have only one gnereal kind of happiness up there, based on a more permanent happiness. And yet... you throw in questions that are more temporary. To me, I think it rather scews the result slightly.
-- jkulibert2, 5/8/2011 8:56:19 AM
 
I liked this quiz, it was a lot more involving then most of the other quiz's here, And I liked that the quistens branched out depending on what answers you choose, its seems pretty acrurite too, overall good job.
-- firestorm78, 2/26/2008 4:45:01 PM
 
Great concept. Great execution. A few mechanical errors, but excellent all in all. Additionally, the test was right on target, for me at least! For the record, I gave Happiness Test an 8/8.
-- Sir_Lancegalawain, 11/25/2006 10:34:30 PM
 
House of Horrors
 
Well, it was sometimes laughable (the creature's costume, and the set of keys which were obviously part of a toddler's toy set). But some parts (the body parts in the kitchen) were genuinely creepy that made up for it. This video definitely could have used some work, but the shine is there. Reminds me a lot of The Grudge. I'd like to see a video in this vein with a longer adventure and good backstory.
-- Waluigi_Freak_99, 6/24/2007 4:04:08 PM
 
Very awesome game. You guys did the best you could to make it creepy with what you had, but the creature and key set seemed a bit silly. I just wish there were more of these
-- Melike, 4/13/2008 8:16:43 PM
 
That was so cool! I'd pay money to see a full length professionally done one. Probably more money than for a regular movie too. PLEASE MAKE MORE! Any story line would do if that was written it would have kinda sucked but in video form it was great.

-- qazlp10, 11/28/2006 12:31:21 A

Locked Out Episode Two

8/8. I love this series. Though, wouldn't it save a lot of time if you just walked over and knocked on Mr. Fuddmeadow's door and asked him for the key that way? I think it really would have saved you some time! (Of course, it would take away the puzzle and the fun. Go figure!)
-- Rain, 4/3/2009 6:37:13 PM
 
Ah! It took me hours! No, more like half an hour but anywho...I found it somewhat entertaining. I thought the videoclip thing was original. I liked using the sealent and the drill on the water hose. I wanted him to take the phonebook and toss it through the window, but hey, that would take the fun out of the game. I'd give this a 4.5 out of 5.
-- rainisky, 7/16/2005 11:29:25 PM
 

The Adventures of Phoebe McGee: The Lighthouse

Bloody incredible. Your writing style is most befitting of the era and the protagonist. I felt entirely and completely immersed. Your usage of the advanced editor was marvelous and the scope of the story was appropriate. I found only one minor bug (I couldn't leave the shipwreck's helm room without backing up after I came back the second time) but it didn't detract from my experience whatsoever. Thank you for your contribution to the website. Phenomenal talent.
-- JJJ-thebanisher, 2/3/2011 4:34:12 PM
 
I like that you can semi-freely explore the island -- your background in Interactive Fiction definitely shows. Some of the imagery and locations is memorable and intriguing. I appreciated the photos, as well.

Perhaps your writing style is *too* IF-like, in that you usually describe locations and objects in a detached, passive voice (even though you'll say "Phoebe saw..."), rather than as a novelist would by centering and grounding things in Phoebe's experience and actions of the moment.
-- HoraceTorys, 1/17/2011 10:50:25 AM
 
it was really good except i was really stuck at the end when i was trying to figure out how to light the lighthouse at night, and i kept tunning out of time so i just eventually gave up. But other than that it was really good and i want to read more.
-- Salidia, 3/10/2011 9:52:09 PM
 

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Aaaaand, Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Everyone go check out madglee's recent point history.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

I will get 500 points today

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Horror

331 Oakmount Drive
 
Without question one of the best stories on the site. Extremely well written, creative plot, great descriptions, and enough choices. Miccy - waddya mean, quality over quantity? The quality is impeccable, and it IS a story. You're supposed to read, not just click through a bunch of two sentence pages. Excellent work, please write more!
-- madglee, 9/13/2006 1:19:29 PM
 
This game is fantastic. It's in the classic "choose your own adventure" format, is exciting, well written, and has an original (scary!) story. Very impressive. Congrats.
-- march5th00, 6/12/2007 12:45:17 PM
 
Wow... somehow, I ended up getting the exact same ending that I got the first time I played this game, a million years ago! I guess I was so caught up in the story I didn't even notice! The writing is PERFECT--not too long and redundant, but with enough detail to keep you hooked--the choices are good, and, overall, I'd say this is definitely the best horror game on the site!
-- Badger, 12/2/2008 10:47:11 PM
 
Alpha Wolf
 
The memories addition added a lot. It felt like a story with different scenarios more than a game, but there's nothing wrong with that, and for its purposes, it worked out well. The game seems like a bit of a tease, learning about all these monsters, but not really getting involved in the world. (At least the playthrough that I experienced) Thanks for putting so much thought into this game's characters.
-- Melike, 4/4/2008 12:50:48 AM
 
It seemed to be more story than game. It was cool the way it brought in so many movie characters, & I can't say that it lacked detail. But I was disappointed that I read through all of that to encounter & kill a pedophile cat. Maybe if I follow the other arcs the way others did I'll find it to be more ...
-- windupgirl, 8/15/2011 7:11:14 PM
 
Enjoyed it. Author's certainly done the dialogue in their stories really well, as well as a good balance of characters and description :)
-- Savannah.Peony, 9/30/2011 10:29:40 AM
 
Buried
 
Good:
1. Creativity of plot- suspenseful thrillers are rare on CYS
2. Puzzles using items
3. Good balance between open freedom and restrictions
4. Pictures

Bad:
1. A few spelling errors

Ugly:
1. The link design needs to be redone. For example, even if I never got into the excavator, I would see the page where the excavator knocked down the fence after I got out. Also, many times there were situations where I shouldn't just see the exact same text after I did an action, since I just changed the environment, but I did

2. Character motivation a little underdeveloped
-- urnam0, 3/4/2012 3:47:06 AM
 
This was just amazing. I loved this game. It was fast paced, had a great plot, nice spelling, and(my favorite) a plot twist! I loved the whole idea and how it developed. The links could have been better though, because it was confusing at times.

All in all, this was on of the best games I've played. Nice job.

7/8
-- JMgskills, 3/9/2012 3:37:40 PM
 
Wow, you've only been a member for about a month, and your first story is this good. Imagine what else he'll come up with, guys? I exploded in the fiery pits of hell, cuz I'm not sure yet how to climb up the chimney, but I look forward to trying to find all the good endings. Is the secret ending labelled as such? I'm totally blind, so won't be able to see if it's pink or not. Thanks for making a storygame of this callibre.
-- Poet, 3/3/2012 1:46:09 AM
 

Die Zombie! Die! Pt III: The Final Chapter

What a bizarre twist at the end! Although I didn't win (can I win?) because I got turned into a Zombie at the end, I enjoyed the experience. It was fun.


This one was a bit longer and a lot more in-depth. There's lots of fun items and neat things to see and do. I'll have to come back and try to win again.
-- alexp, 1/5/2006 11:37:59 PM
 
Very fun and good humor. However, I had a million items and barely got to use any of them. Also, once you get the sniper rifle, anywhere you click on it will take you to a default page which won't make sense. Can't figure out where I went wrong. I'm going to play again! Good work!
-- madglee, 7/12/2006 6:30:15 PM
 
Not bad! I think it was a horrible waste that you had to lose all those perfectly good zombie killing things at the airport (including the zombie antidote) but I really liked the ending. It was a nice (and probably accurate) touch making George Bush responsible for the zombie plague.
-- Badger, 5/10/2006 1:38:25 PM
 
Geek
 
This is great. It's the same story for each scenario, except you're on a different side. It follows a formula for whose side you choose, and it just feels right, you did an excellent job of characterizing everyone, and creating a demented perverse world, everything was set up to put you in the perspective of the geek, a goal not attempted by most storytellers. It's exactly what it needs to be, and what it is....is messed up.
-- Melike, 4/4/2008 2:58:44 AM
 
I like games that end in random death. The more unbeleiveable the death the better. The whole carnival theme set up a lot of gory, freaky, and hilarious deaths. I am saddened that you just get beat to death. I was searching for a good death like choking on cotton candy or getting eaten alive by giant mutant circus rats, at leas something along those lines.
-- alienalpha, 7/21/2011 1:40:09 AM
 
I really liked this, it was a long read and it was nice to get all the separate endings. I finished with every outcome possible! Nicely done, the only qualm I have is I wanted a happier ending, but the 2 nicer endings fit. Very Good job!
-- ChaiHai, 9/16/2011 4:59:52 PM
 
 
 
 

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Danny phantom's adventure

 

Such an enjoyable story. You had fantastic images and allowed the player to think their way out of a situation. I also love how you kept the original characters powers and voices, how you would expect them to say things in the show, the same. One of the best in this category.
-- cool74, 7/31/2012 12:36:24 AM

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

I just had to smile when I noticed that you nominated your own comment, from today, lol.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Anything for points.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done all of them

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Sci-Fi Adventure

Ground Zero

Oh...my...god. Here I am thinking going into the shelters was the main story, only to go back and do TONS of other things. The writing of not going into the shelter is amazing, well thought out, and imaginative. I saved the world, and am now back doing something else. Excellent replayability and definitely one of the best stories on the site. I upped the rating to 8/8. Wonderful job, End.
-- madglee, 10/14/2007 6:32:53 PM
 
Holy crud, I went through the whole game and read nearly every page XD This was totally absorbing; a lot of thought and effort went into it. I liked how the circumstances (i.e. city mutants, the Combine) were constant no matter which path you chose. The only drawback was the occasional typo or omitted word, but there was so much story in this game that it would be difficult to smooth it out perfectly.
-- sregirl, 2/7/2010 7:40:35 PM
 
Very addictive reading/playing, certainly held my interest! I liked the developement of the main character as you make your choices, and the interactions with other characters were always interesting and fun to read. However dialogue could get slightly confusing; there were some points where no indication was made as to who was talking. Also, I felt that we could have had slightly more control over the storyline (one point that sticks out is the vote over who initially became the leader between Ron and Elliot, you could have given the option to actually choose rather than have a default). That aside, I enjoyed the storyline, was totally compelled to keep going to find out how everything worked out for the characters, and will definitely play through again to try all available options. Really good work!
-- lorenrhys, 3/23/2011 9:23:49 PM
 
Homo Perfectus 3
 
A worthy ending to an excellent series. Its a wonderfull and rare find to see a series improve over time instead of being run into the ground. There were a few anoying repeating english errors, but those are easily overlooked. The combat in this game is vastly better than it was in HP1 and HP2, in this fact, I am well pleased. It was an honor to give as much help as I did.
-- ugilick, 6/29/2011 4:41:35 PM
 
This was awesome!! Definitely the best in the series and definitely super super cool. Your writing has improved DRAMATICALLY since HP 1 and I love how you linked your two series' together. That was awesome. Two small nitpicks: 1. When bullet is in the helicopter, I should have just been able to increase volume, to kill him. Even if he was wearing ear muffs, they wouldn't protect him. 2. You said 'Y gene', as a science major, I have to point out that you meant 'Y chromosome'.

Great work!
-- JJJ-thebanisher, 5/5/2011 4:02:05 PM
 
A thing I notice about your battle scenes is that most of the time I'm clicking at random on which skill I will use. I think where you could improve in is that you could give hints to the player on what to do next and not have a "This item cannot be used here" text pop up all the time. Also, I wish you developed the game a little more slowly. What I mean is not just go from place to place but to take your time with the story process.

Don't be mistaken, it's a good game and series. Good plot, nice fight scenes, and nice characters. I just see some issues is all.

Overall though, good job.
-- JMgskills, 4/25/2012 10:31:34 AM\
 
Light Space
 
Beautifully written as always tsmpaul, but I think this story is your best based on sheer creativity and smart execution. Tackling time is no easy matter and you pulled it off brilliantly! I also love all the pictures you created - they have this muted feel which adds to them somehow. Plenty of choices, just the right length, felt very satisfied. One of, if not the best, stories on the site.
-- madglee, 3/30/2007 2:51:21 PM
 
I liked the mindbender aspect of the story, trying to keep up with the time-travel conundrum. I enjoyed there being so many choices, and the writing gave good visuals when there weren't pictures, like the description of the scene outside the cockpit when Andromeda was docked on a planet. The granddaughter interaction was pretty interesting. There was one problem, though, and that was the contradiction with saying that you must get out alive since your granddaughter remembers you telling a story about this time you were stuck in Light Space, but then several threads end up with you dying. And then at the true ending, you only remember the granddaughter's face but nothing else about what happened -- this doesn't make sense if later you are telling the granddaughter this story. The only other thing I would change besides clearing up these contraditions is to not describe the transition betw
-- lisaves, 10/5/2010 1:15:01 PM
 
This is good writing. I noticed that you generally had one overriding arc, and you set the decisions to (more or less) lead the reader to that conclusion. I really like the idea of the reader having the ability to pick up things; it's a nice touch. The only critisim that I would have is that at the climax of the story it very much reminds me of Star Trek: Next Generation episodes of "Data Squared" and "Cause and Effect". Be careful not to reinvent the wheel in Sci-Fi.
-- Brian, 4/4/2011 9:35:00 PM
 
ULYSSES: THE PEGASI Incident
 
Alright I played the game and went through all it's options and loved it. At first I thought the story was guided but then realized that there were different options and it was not always a happy ending. In fact different ends which I love. Great game and well written.... I'm looking forward to the actual books.
-- chocobot, 2/8/2007 10:48:43 PM

I was a bit skeptical at first, because of all the similarities to Star Trek, but by the time I reached the cliffhanger I was intrigued. How will the Ulysses' crew solve the mystery and avoid antagonizing the Cassians? Very good.

I think the story idea is strong; the overall concept is OK; the writing could use the tender ministrations of a pro or semi-pro editor, for grammar and succintness.

I'm looking forward to purchasing a copy when its ready.
-- Cal, 4/27/2007 6:28:24 AM
 
Absolutely excellent story with nicely branching paths that lead to different events. I noticed no problems with tenses. I'm not sure what you could change to make this better - it's great how it is. Nice pictures, too.
-- madglee, 1/4/2007 2:08:28 AM
 

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

I put together a list for the five newest storygames. 

 

?Distortion

?This has been said before, but the idea is interesting. But, for one thing, you never used capitals and that literally made me fight not to pull my hair out throughout the entire game. 

The lack of plot made it less interesting than it could have been. It has a lot of potential though, I hope you continue to improve on it and expand the story.
-- simplesabley, 7/30/2012 5:15:48 PM

 

This game started out sort of interesting, and I like the idea of the rooms changing as you fall asleep, but there really is no plot after that and the reader gets confused. :\ Try coming up with a plot and making the choices seem more realistic!
-- Dreamplay06, 7/30/2012 2:49:05 PM

 

Very short pages, some of which don't even have any capitalization at all. It also has next to no plot, complete randomness without any real rhyme or reason to it, and the choices mostly had to do with luck rather than thinking. 2/8
-- ThisisBo, 7/29/2012 11:08:08 PM

?Survive Order 66

Ok there are some major issues with this story game. 


1. Grammar problems- it distracts from the plot and ruins immersion. 

2. Short and liner - This is not a bad thing in itself. One of the best works on the site is short and liner (snow). However you don't provide enough context and location. 

3. Character development - Why do I care if my master is shot? Hell why do I care that my character survives? These question are important in a story like yours. With no context we don't really care if someone (even you) dies. 

4. Deaths - Not enough reason why you died. It is pretty much choose this path or die. 

Needs a lot of work to become a decent story for now 3/4.
-- cool74, 8/2/2012 9:03:29 PM

 

You appear to have put at least some effort into this storygame, though it's very short and linear. What thoughts are going through the character's head as the story progresses? What are the fight scenes like? Who is your character? 

This is a good idea for a storygame and it has potential, but unfortunately you didn't execute it well. Try asking yourself the questions above, or think of your own questions that will allow you to write a more immersive storygame.
-- October, 8/6/2012 8:43:06 AM

 

This game was extremely linear. Any action that didn't further the story would immediately lead to death. 

I think you need to improve your grammar, plot, and brnaching if you want to make a great game.
-- playa988, 8/2/2012 10:32:51 PM

Open Your Eyes

 

It seems to hold promise and I would be interested in continuing once the story gets into it more. As it stands now, it is well written, but mundane with the only hint of interest being the cliffhanger ending. I’ll rate it higher if it gets finished.
-- BerkaZerka, 8/3/2012 12:31:09 AM

 

it's random and not funny random. You don't really have much of a choice. I mean "threaten" and "shoot" what about just paying for it? The only reason I didn't give it a 2/8 was because it had a semi-good ending at one path. I rated it 3/8, I hope the sequel will be better.
-- betaband, 8/3/2012 1:19:14 AM

Hunter

It was a good story. It didn't really have much plot but you already stated it was more of a game. The battle descriptions were pretty cool but I was irritated at how hard it seemed to be to kill the demons at times. Either way though, the mechanics were made pretty well and I'd say it was a job well done.

-- playa988, 8/7/2012 11:13:40 AM

My advice would be that if you know that you're not good at writing combat, then don't write it. Do only what you're good at. 


You should give the reader a heads up on the random results of each strike. I thought there wasn't any randomness in the results of the strikes, so I wouldn't think to try the same tactics twice. Also, I didn't see any hints as to what the right moves were, so it turned out to be random guessing whether to be Aggressive or Normal rather than any strategic decision.
-- urnam0, 8/4/2012 7:09:59 PM

Thanks! Combat is actually the least interesting part of RPGs for me, both as a player and as a creator... which is why I wanted to isolate it and try to do it as well as possible. So yeah, as a storygame, this is kind of missing its story. :P 


@urnam0, there actually isn't much more to it, since that's the last (unique) demon in the game. If you want some tips for it: Shoot precisely, then rapid-fire, then switch weapons. After that, either normal or aggressive stands you a pretty good chance of winning. If things don't go your way, retreat, use your canteen and try again.
-- Morgan_R, 8/4/2012 6:51:32 PM

Hobo Life

It was funny at times but definitely not enough for a story this short. A lot of the things that happened to you didn't seem realistic either and it was all over the place but not in a way that would be called random. 


Overall I'd say it would be pretty good for a first game if you made it longer.
-- playa988, 8/7/2012 11:05:33 AM

The idea certainly is interesting. But, it was way too random. The idea of an insane homeless man could really be interesting though. Putting the play in the shoes of the mentally unstable allows for some randomness, but I think you need to back off the random a little and focus on a little more quality story perhaps? Hope you continue to build on it! :)

-- simplesabley, 8/6/2012 6:59:23 PM

 

It wasn't the best I've read. It didn't have that great of a plot and it was extremely short. Plus, your explanations to why I died were not that thought out. On the other hand, you did have a few choices fore me to choose from, which is not bad for a person trying their first story. 

I would suggest adding pictures, plot, and items. 

2/8
-- JMgskills, 8/6/2012 5:05:38 PM

 

 

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Playa, Morgan wrote Hunter, why would you nominate one of her comments to be featured on her own game lol.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

You're Fired!

-- EricDrewCents, 6/24/2012 12:48:21 AM
I liked it. Decent amount of options made it really fun so I played over and over again. It was a bit silly at times but you made it fun and enjoyable to play. The only thing that held back this game was the spelling and the fact that it was short. I really would have liked to see this be longer with more options.

The Javan Rhinoceros

...Very odd. Very easy to die. Some cool animals, though. There really didn't seem to be much range of choice, however.
-- Trzcina, 12/24/2009 4:41:37 PM
 

Who wants to be a Supervillain?

I thought this was great! Well written, creative, and lots of options. Good use of items. My only complaint is that it is too short! Right when it got really interesting, it ended! Great job.
-- madglee, 9/3/2006 1:38:27 PM

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Hey, I really like this Featured Comments idea. It really encourages taking the time to post a thoughtful and/or constructive comment.

Featured Comments

6 years ago

I thought this comment was rather insightful : (for The White One story)

I loved it. The slender man has always been super creepy in my opinion and he is a fantastic villain. Your use of items was excellent and I really enjoyed having to figure out what to use and when to get what was needed. I give it a 7/8 and I hope you make a sequel or build more on this one. I'd love to know why slender man took you and what he will do next :)

-- simplesabley, 8/25/2012 3:08:38 PM

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Agreed!

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Another one of simplesabley that I feel is pretty good. It's on the Hello World *yawn* game by Yellow_avenger:

Creative, but very linear and it was mostly looping. I just kept hitting the links in the order you had put the "to do list". Then I randomly came to a link about a cat? The writing wasn't bad and the game itself wasn't boring. But, the fact that all it did was loop then end felt so half-hearted. Perhaps if you tried giving a little more plot? Like, perhaps add a potential nightmare about going to work or dreaming about a promotion only to wake up and realize it wasn't real?

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Agreed!

Featured Comments

6 years ago

For Project Origin:Atrophy(part 2)

 

People often don't understand the monsters perspective. They just assume they kill because they are evil. Most of the time there is a reason for their madness. A preditor is hungry so it eats a person, just like a person get hungry and eats a cow. It is only dark and morbid from the prey's perspective. Love this series. keep up with the shattered perceptions.
-- alienalpha, 8/19/2012 11:16:01 AM
It's amazing how you manage to hold onto the emotional rage of the character throughout the entire story. It's so dark and morbid, but in a way that captures your attention and keeps it until the end. I for one cannot wait until she gets her revenge!
-- BerkaZerka, 8/11/2012 1:27:03 AM

For Project Origin:Unraveling

 

I enjoyed the game, it feels a little narrow seeing as in the end regardless of the choices I end up at the same place. 

But unlike in most games it don't really bother me much, since I find the story very interesting. 

Good work, looking forward to part 2
-- Stein, 8/3/2012 3:28:23 PM
The suspense is thick and the plot is interesting. I've never played the game this was based on, but <i>this</i> game's pretty great. I can't say much that other comments haven't said before me, so good luck on all of your future storygames!
-- Trish, 7/30/2012 6:02:20 PM

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Done

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Here's two decent ones:

 

Ragna in wonderland

This story's decent; its grammar needs work and clumped-together paragraphs make it tough to read, but the plot's fair and your love for the BlazBlue characters shines through, especially in your use of Alice in Wonderland archetypes for some characters, and character relationships. Besides what I already mentioned, I think this story could have been improved by adding more pictures. I'm a bit of a BlazBlue fan, insofar as I know most of the characters on sight, and I had no idea who the Mad Hatter was until I got to the king's castle, and even then, I'm...still not sure. Besides, Carl's the one with the nicest hat, so it SO should've been him. I also think that you should make some of the pictures smaller so that they look better on the story window, and that you should give the player more paths to choose from in Wonderland, rather than just a couple of main routes, one of which just leads to the other route.

-- Trish, 8/30/2012 5:04:45 PM

 

INVASION!!!

It's a good idea. At the very least it isn't completely boring. I do wish that the pages had more than five sentences at their longest. Also, I would suggest not putting warnings on your links(for example when you say 'warning this link ends the game, click the other if you don't want to end'). Half the fun of giving the player options is to surprise them with different paths. If they don't want it to end, they can always use the back button :). Hope you continue to build on the story.

-- simplesabley, 8/27/2012 8:26:49 AM

Featured Comments

6 years ago

 

First of all, nice first game. It had decent amount of options, and you know how to use variables which is amazing seeing as this was your first game. 

I really liked this game. I liked the plot and I think you put in a good amount of effort into it. The only thing holding this game back was that there were not that great of details, it was kind of short, and the grammar. 

Overall, if you can learn from those mistakes then I can't wait for more of your stories. Nice job. 

5/8
-- JMgskills, 2/24/2012 10:06:35 AM
Trick game
Yeah, well...I know the point of the game is that 'nothing is as it seems' and that I should expect the unexpected and stuff, but with that being said, I didn't enjoy it at all. I clicked on a link; sometimes it brought me to a room with ten doors, sometimes it didn't, and if I choose the wrong one of the ten doors I either get sent back to the first page or go back to the SAME page, and if I weren't so determined to give this game a comment I would have closed it out right then. You've gotta give the player some strong incentive to play, like jokes, maybe, or a mystery, or a confusing twisty-turny plot. Maybe even something like the Impossible Quiz. I 'unno. Just give us some meat on these game-bones.
-- Trish, 8/29/2012 8:00:26 PM

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

xD You're a cruel bastard, but this amused me. I think some of the people who hated it didn't get the concept, but even when you realize, it's actually more interesting than it first appears? ... It's still basically you trolling everyone who plays it, lol. Still, as far as trolling goes, like I said, I was amused.

Trick Game
WhiteWolf (Score of 0)
9/6/2012 9:37:27 AM

Featured Comments

6 years ago

I'd like to recommend these comments to be featured on my game, The Secret of Daphne :)

 
 
I loved the game. Hunting for all of the items was a lot of fun, while the nightmares were simply disgusting. I literally felt like puking during some of the sequnces. 
While there were some errors grammatically (and a small bug with the code) I never felt hindered by them, and I was swept into the story, often thinking that the whole thing was happening to me. (and I'm one of those people who find it hard to become the protagonist when she's female) 
The item usage was good, and it really hid a bunch of stuff. While the salvation ending was great, I actually enjoyed exile more for some odd reason. That shows that the story is enjoyable for any group, and the good endings are definitely worth playing again. (And the bad endings are certainly worth playing through.) The rating I gave it is 8/8.
-- Aman on 9/30/2012 1:08:32 AM with a score of 1000
I thoroughly enjoyed it. Some of the pages ended up in a sort of jumbled order at times, you went back and forth with past/present tense once or twice, and some links seemed to be restricted for no reason, but overall I thought it was a great storygame. 

I gave it a 8/8, and got the best score (finding all the evidence and getting the best ending). Though, I think I'll go back and get a bad ending or two, since others seem to be saying they were pretty gruesome. 

I also laughed harder than I should have when you scream obscenities at your 4 year old sister.
-- Killa_Robot on 9/28/2012 9:47:30 PM with a score of 1000
This story serves up a nice slice of the creeps! It's well written with an engaging story and a decent amount of items and secrets to keep you snooping through the entire time. It also incorporates a very creative timetable of events that runs in the background - and will run right over you if you don't keep up! I look forward to even more great stories from simplesabley in the future =)
-- BerkaZerka on 9/28/2012 5:23:47 PM with a score of 1000

 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Just stopped by the site to have a look again. Nice to see it's still gaining new features, and the community's still going strong. I love the idea of having 'featured comments'!

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Nice to see you remember us!

Featured Comments

6 years ago

Miss you!

Featured Comments

6 years ago

If you like this, come bye when alex has the new skin operational. 

Featured Comments

6 years ago

This site has come so far since the original site back in 2010. I guess that was original.... But yea alexp has done alot of work

Featured Comments

6 years ago

This comment was very helpful on my first game:

 

A decent first go. Here are some steps you can follow.

1. have a character with a little history. We want to know what out character is like, or has been like in the past. Let us know what has brought the character to this point.
(we don't know anything about our character or why he is in the forest.)

2. Have a goal. Something our character wants to achieve. The character doesn't actually have be able to accomplish the original goal. For whatever reason goals can change.
(Make a clear goal. There may have been a goal in this story, but we don't learn what it is till the end of the game. You could have said the character was lost. Step one would like you to follow up with how you got lost.)

3. Have a Wall. Something in our characters way. Something that makes the goal difficult or impossible to achieve. Is the force actively working against the protagonist or passively in the way?
 
It was from ugilick

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Featured this one. I'll PM JJJ about rewarding you and Ugi with points.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Is this still going on?

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Yep! If you think a comment deserves to be featured, post in this thread. For the most part JJJ will handle this sort of stuff, but any of the mods can feature comments.

I've just started playing through all of the storygames on the site again (in order to make up for a 4-5 year period of hardly playing anything!) so I figured I'd check on this thread.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Ah, okay.  Cool.  I was actually about to ask how to get comments featured, but then I saw this and that saved me from making myself look dumb for asking about something already addressed. :)  I'll have to keep my eye out for good comments.  (And also cross my fingers that any of my comments will be seen as helpful!  After all, gold stars are purdy!)

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Well, many storygames still don't have any comments featured due to there being so many of them (hence this thread). I'm planning on going through and featuring comments as I read through storygames (I obviously don't get points for this), so if I see any of your comments and they're good enough they'll be featured! If you want to jump the queue a bit you can always nominate your own comments in this thread if you think they're good enough.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

That would be too hard for me to do.  I have self-esteem issues.  It would seem too arrogant of me to promote myself like that.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

This is from Katju Domination: Episode 1- Godzilla

The mechanics of it where static, which is bad for fighting stories more so than others. The plot was hair thin. Static fighting is only okay if the telling of the story is more important than the fight itself. You have no story whatsoever so I have to compare this to a poorly executed fighting style game. Give the readers to want to be the best, and reward them properly when they do. I felt no drive to better myself, or a plot to carry me along. I gave you points for effort though.

-- alienalpha on 10/4/2012 8:57:28 PM

Featured Comments

5 years ago

This comment's not bad but I'm not sure what "Give the readers to want to be the best" means. Unfortunately, if a sentence doesn't make sense in the comment, I usually can't feature it.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Here’s 3 Comments from the Kill Aman’s Mustache Game for feature consideration  :)

---

This game is the greatest random game in history. Nearly every joke can be found in the forums (except the pulp fiction ones, and a few select jokes that evolved from PM between each other), and every one has it's purpose.
Kill Aman's Mustache is a glorious joke, portraying a man's fierce melancholy from not having a glorious mustache, and wishing to destroy it. Oh, YOU (the player) may of come up with excuses, but we all know the truth. My mustache is glorious, and everyone is so blatantly jealous of it. Heck a game was made about how much BZ (BerkaZerka) wishes he had my mustache, and in desperation had to kill it. But I digress, let me return to discussing the game.

As I mentioned before, this game is the greatest random game on this site. The jokes are hilarious, and the mustaches that are shown in certain items are amaizing. Each scene has a plethora of humorous lines, and whenever you see Briar_Rose or my minions, I would suggest to press the back button. It's dangerous to see them, and you might get an early ending.

However, I have some complaints. In this game, it is possible to kill my mustache, which is complete nonesense. This game can be random, but I refuse to believe that it can be so illogical. It's crazy to think that I could be defeated. But, I understand BZ's frustration and thus I accept his game with an 8/8.

As a last note, please understand that my mustache is amaizing, and that if you do succeed, I expect to see your dedication to the mustache. My mustache is glorious, and it is truly a godly 'stache. The 'stache is forever, and it is great.

If you play this game, be warned. The mustache is eternal, and this game is incredibly difficult. Don't think you can defeat me without trying. You will fail often.

-- Aman on 1/29/2013 9:29:26 PM with a score of -21560

---

Clever and fun. I particularly like how you incorporate certain links to move the story forward in ways they wouldn't normally be used. Nice use of multimedia. I have a feeling I missed some secrets as I was left with a few items I didn't use. I wish I could revisit rooms, but that may very well be the point.

-- madglee on 2/2/2013 12:30:27 PM with a score of 13080

---

You're not much of a man by the light of day, but by night you're one hell of an author.

-- Loon on 1/29/2013 8:51:54 PM with a score of 8690

 

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Just featured madglee's comment from your suggestions.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Also, thanks for your featured comment on Kill Aman's Mustache  =)

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Here’s some submissions for my Chuck Norris Quiz Game:

---

I'm not really a fan of quiz games, but as far as quiz games go, this is definitely one of the best!

-- Doodled on 4/28/2012 12:49:52 AM with a score of 25

---

Quiz was amusing, and you put a good deal of effort into the ending.

I gave it a 6, because it needed more chuck norris.

-- Killa_Robot on 4/28/2012 2:32:32 AM with a score of 21

---

When chuck Norris did this quiz the questions answered themselves.

-- divinekingsteve on 1/3/2013 10:13:01 AM with a score of 20

 

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Featured Bo's comment, my own comment and Killa's comment.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Here’s 3 for my King’s Logic Game.

---

Loved it! Took me a couple of goes to work out the logic behind it, but I had fun figuring it out. Really fun puzzle ^_^

-- Briar_Rose on 11/29/2012 5:47:26 PM with a score of 5000

---

Very fun game. You're going to need a lot of logic and some luck to get it right.

-- Illogical on 9/6/2012 11:20:34 AM with a score of 5000

---

I love it! It would be much better if it were part of a larger story. If you could build an entire story with miny games like these it would be fantastic.

-- ugilick on 2/5/2012 10:20:53 PM with a score of 5000

 

Featured Comments

5 years ago

I found the top five comments for Love SICK.

First impressions: dick in ass....For anyone who likes to drill his own ass with his own dick, this is TheBeST story. It gave me some ideas on killing., anyway. A better way to rape someone is to poke out her eyes and skull fuck her, hahahah. Endmaster, seriously. Do you even have a relation with any female human? How come are you here writing for kiddies? You should be out their killing motherfuckers right now!! Bitch out. This story entertains like gangbang, and while it's fucking short you(the random asshole reading this) shouldn't consider it bad. L=Q. God pick me up!!? Hell, am i even alive. Is this story even real or is it just a pick of my imagination. Why should i believe that you aren't a tenticlatic alien, who fucks 100 whores a day? Are you even human? Review score:8/8.

Endrew

Dude... I always thought I was fucked in the head and no one could ever match my level of insanity. You not only disproved that idea, you strangled it and fucked it in the ass with your dick wrapped in barbwire. Well played EndMaster. Well played.

PaleWhiteShadow

I think I'm gonna throw up. You are one sick puppy. I love reading your stories, but please don't move into my neighborhood.

urnam0

WTF I'm a Mormon retard. Usualy I like your stories but this one is all crazy and screwed up. I'm a little worried about your mental health...

Notorious streaker

You know, it wasn't really necessary to say "I'm a Mormon retard." The retard part was obvious when you said you were a Mormon. Lol.

EndMaster

Ummm, on second thought maybe you shouldn't feature these. Ha ha.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

If there was a category for Sarcastic Featured Comments, I’d shamelessly nominate this one:

This throbbing tale of robust dramatic timing was like a cascading explosion of literary ecstasy in my mind. Saturating the deepest recesses of the psyche in white hot creativity! It changed my life forever!
-- BerkaZerka on 12/23/2012 6:01:31 PM

Of course it was a totally sarcastic comment (in response to an overinflated game) and should NEVER be featured devil

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Featured ugilick's comment, and another one by a guest.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

8 goals, 28 rollsby tsmpaul

I enjoyed this very much! I guess its because i know how much scripting went into this, the game is really good in terms of scripting features and its a creative idea! I'm going to play it again ;)

--solostrike on 1/3/2007 7:08:32 PM with a score of 69

A most amazing game! Very thoughtful and creative, it gives the player an enjoyable experience. Very well done, tsmpaul!

--Cake on 1/11/2007 6:04:39 PM with a score of 100

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Featured solostrike's comment (your suggestion) and Killa_Robot's comment.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Star Wars: A Padawan's Journey Part 6: FugitiveaFan Fictionby JMgskills

It was awesome ending so suspensefull best one yet i wish it could be published as an actual book so i could read it over and over anywhere you are great at writing these i thank you.

--Hutchinsont12 on 7/10/2012 12:15:51 AM with a score of 0

very well written. I expect alot of great things in the next one. Also going from hero to zero is something i didn't see for this series. Well done skills.

--Killer999 on 4/19/12 12:56:55 PM with a score of 0

Featured Comments

5 years ago

WolfPack-

 

Well it wasn't bad but to be honest, I was kind of disappointed. I really like games where you play as animals 'cos you get to take a peek at the world from an animal's point of view, but in this game, I really didn't understand why the character was a wolf. Wolves don't have healers or collect herbs and stuff. This story could have been about a person who lived in a tribe that was blocked from the outside world and it would have made a lot more sense. Or it could have just been a story about a regular wolf and that would have been good too, but it feels like you came up with a story about humans and randomly made the main characters wolves instead.
-- Briar_Rose on 3/19/2013 1:41:27
Felt that this comment describes the main complaint about the story.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Thanks for the suggestion! I've featured Briar_Rose's comment along with mahuesz's and my own.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Don't forget the 2 points haha  ;)

Folks who get a Comment Featured get 2 XP (as well as the person that suggests the Comment)  ^-^

Featured Comments

5 years ago

Yep! I don't have the power to award points to members so whenever I feature comments I send a PM to JJJ detailing which comments I've featured (and if someone suggested the comment then that user's name too). Your points should show up next time JJJ reads his PMs.

Featured Comments

5 years ago

No problem, That's cool that you can set Featured Comments though  :)

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5 years ago

Wow I thought we had stopped doing this. I still remember going through game after game and trying to find decent comments. 

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5 years ago

Never knew about this, welp.. You learn something new everyday.

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5 years ago

Thought I would ask about this one on my game Rising Flames from Silver as I think its a pretty good comment and seems balanced:

Wowzers, What a great first story, Feanor. First off your writing in romance was simply very convincing and sweet, a thing that bothered me however was the lack of pictures to fully stimulate my fantasy.
One thing I would change is that you tend to write in a single font, try to mix it up a bit when there is tension in the story, it would work for the better.

6/8
-- SilverFlame1995 on 3/27/2013 7:39:43 PM
 
Ps. if anyone wants to go and rate it a 7 it is very close from getting from 6 up to a 7 rating ;)

 

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5 years ago

Ok, I don't want to blow my own horn here, but... I'm totally blowing my own horn. Basically, I wrote this comment for Jack and Jill Live On:

 

Wow. I thought they were exaggerating when they said how short this was, but they totally weren't. But, other than the length, the writing was ok, definitely not the worst I've ever seen, but here's some tips to improve it: 
 
CHARACTER: Arguably one of the hardest things to get right, you need to make sure that interactions between characters are realistic and interesting, and for that to happen, you need to have a good idea as to what the characters are like. To quote... someone (can't remember who), 'Everyone wants something, even if it's just a glass of water." So what do your characters want? Do they have a particular way of trying to get it? Do they have any good or bad habits? What are they like to strangers compared to what they're like to friends? Are they timid, brave, accepting, judgmental, etc? Plan out each character so they are a fully fleshed out person, even if you don't put all of the things you plan into the story. 
 
STORY: There are a few things you need to consider here, like Goals, Atmosphere, History, and Branching, so I'll only put some of them here and cover others later. The first thing you need is LENGTH! Instead of making a sequel, try editing this one and making it longer. The next thing is History. Tell us about the kind of world they live in. For example, elaborate on what that pet Jill has is. Describe it, tell us what it eats, what it sounds like, if it can fight, etc. Things like this really help build up the next thing, Atmosphere. You need to describe what's going on, and how other characters are reacting. For example, the fight was thoroughly underwhelming. Try describing the environment, telling us what the attackers look like, and actually describe the fight itself instead of just skipping to after the fight. And lastly, Branching. The options we choose should effect the story, like maybe if you were to not trust Jack, he'd take offense and storm off, so you have to face the attackers by yourself, then try to find Jack afterwards. 
 
GOALS: Basically, there was none. The first thing you need to do is to give us a long-term goal, for example, escape the forest. Now, along the way add smaller, short-term goals, like defeat the attackers. And when it comes to long-term goals, you don't even need to keep the same goal for the entire adventure. Let's say that you're about to escape the forest when you find out that your pet-thing is sick, and the antidote is in the deepest part of the forest, so you have to decide whether to go back in or escape and let your pet-thing die. Now, that's not to say you should be constantly switching goals. It should go something like this: Set a long-term goal. Achieve some (maybe four or five) short-term goals while you are doing your long-term goal. Then, if you want, make a discovery that gives you a new long-term goal (this can be before or after achieving the first one). That's a pretty basic set-up, because you can have any number of goals at the same time (although try not to make your game cluttered with constantly switching goals, and let your player achieve some before switching to a new one).
-- Amy2 on 6/10/2013 8:19:47 AM

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5 years ago

Just a heads up, I only feature comments on storygames that I have read (which is why some of the above suggestions have no reply by me). Having said that, the next storygames I will be reading are the ones with featured comment suggestions, so chances are I'll get to the ones here pretty soon.

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5 years ago

My nominations:

Been reading stories on this site for awhile but this is my first comment left. At first I didn't think too much of this when on my first playthrough I got an ending and two people had died because I went home but after another crack at it I have to say this is a very expansive and challenging read and I find it hard to believe it's your first storygame. Into my 3rd attempt at actually beating this after finding out there was an item I needed that I'd missed way back in the beginning and looking forward to finally finding the "winning" ending (assuming there is one lol)
-- Psychotic Dragon on 5/27/2013 7:10:25 PM



I like this comment because I think that my story will be viewed like this quite a bit, that it (deceptively) doesn't look like much at first. It's my first try, too, so some people may expect a flop. I actually grew to despise the first page for a while because I just could not seem to find a good way to kick-start this adventure.

It's not a bad intro, it's kinda funny (to me, anyway, and my friends got a few chuckles out of it,) and it explains your character's initial mood, what kind of day they're having, what their normal problems look like, so on. So, it gets the ball rolling, just not very fast. Once you get a little deeper into the story, though, the world is... well, as he said, "expansive." It's also more complex than you may expect from a horror story because it's got puzzles and riddles and item combinations that... some people found pretty odd, but so far, odd in a good way.

---


(I guess the bug must of been a site error. Odd.)
Anyways, this game was fantastic. It had an odd way of going about things, and it allows for a large amount of freedom for the user (though it has a very specific path in order to get the best ending). The descriptions for the pages were correctly done, in certain cases incredibley grotesque, in certain cases simply creepy, and, oddly enough, quite amusing when intended. Definatley one of the better horror games on the site.
-- Aman on 5/27/2013 6:19:34 PM



I like this comment because... well, yeah, I'll best honest: it's quite flattering. However, more importantly, it sums up what I was trying to do with my story. Grotesque, creepy, odd, but funny. Giving you freedom, but still challenging you to make an extra effort for a bigger reward...so, yeah, it fits.

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5 years ago

Comments for http://chooseyourstory.com/story/a-game-of-life-and-death I presume?

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5 years ago

xD Ah... I guess I forgot to mention that part. Yes. It -is- my only storygame. I mainly wanted to show my appreciation for the feedback.

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5 years ago

Here are the best for this storygame.

Well it started off kind of funny but then it just went... I don't know what the hell was going on. Personally, if you're going to write a game about the Simpsons, I don't think you should randomly include characters from other shows. I had no idea who any of them were.

-- Briar_Rose on 1/17/2013 7:21:36 AM

Eh, this didn't do it for me. It could've been good, but the story was scattered and wasn't really coherent. You automatically assume people know which characters you're talking about (we don't), and anyone who doesn't know the Simpsons is gunna be S.O.L. Surely Outta Luck. 4/8 for the effort, but next time put some thought into your story, please. I've read one way stories that were fantastic. This wasn't.

-- ChaiHai

There wasn't any game- it was just click through pages of Simpsons pictures. Why was Dale from King of the Hill in the Simpsons' car at Lion Safari? It's a neat idea, but very poorly written.

-- Sethaniel

 

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5 years ago

For my game, http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-make~2dbelieve-sandbox

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I'm giving you a six. It was well done. The plot was good and the characters were pretty interesting as well. I felt that the boy was a bit more interesting than the girl though because of his past.(Which, actually, was pretty sad in a good way. It wasn't overly dramatic or emo and he actually had a good reason to be a little depressed). Also, nice use of pictures. 

Some things that I think could have helped was the overall animeish themes. For example, when the girl lost her bikini at the beach. I thought to myself, "Oh come on." I'm not really upset with you but the whole genre who does this, it seems, EVERY anime or so. To me, it's just shameless nudity. 

Overall, it was a good romance. I would just try to tighten up the dialogue(make it a bit more realistic) and try to cut down on the anime weirdness. 

Good job.
-- JMgskills on 6/23/2013 10:14:23 AM with a score of 9
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And for one of my faves http://chooseyourstory.com/story/seraph-serenade- by Vics321
 
I really liked your writing style. The game started out strong and ended strong, but it lagged in the middle. You definitely could have improved this by adding more special conversations or by including unique events that temporarily allow us to escape the cycle. Speaking of the cycle, you spaced it out pretty well. I played through it six time and found that you gave us a generous amount of time to do everything, maybe too much time, but not badly so. As mentioned before a few special events would be fantastic. Lastly, I would suggest adding a few more options to the regular cycle. A few more ways to waste time, an extra way to score points, and maybe something harder to find that gives us access to a fourth ending (I found them all by the way, the worst ending was the hardest for me to earn ironically) Something that bothered me at the beginning is that it says, "A human girl..." Are there nonhuman girls? Such as elves or the like? Well apparently there are Seraph's, except she tells us that she is just a normal kid, except she can disappear at a whim... That irks me a bit, but it's okay. It may well be intentional. Reading this is a good use of time none the less.
-- ugilick on 6/14/2013 1:10:25 AM with a score of 50
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That's it!