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So, the whole writing buddies thing doesn't seem to be going very well since the story is coming along real slow. Maybe 'cos I have too many writing buddies. Anyway, I managed to write the story a lot quicker when I was doing a motivational forum thread, so I'm going to give that a try again, where I update what I've done so far and what my goals are for the day.

So, so far what I've managed to get done is a new introduction chapter where you get to see a little of the main character's background and childhood. I've re-written the chapter where the boys first get sold and right now I'm working on re-writing the chapter where they're on the ship to Rome... So yeah, not written much so far.

My goal for today is to re-write the first part of the chapter where the boys first see the ship, and then try and get some more done if I manage to get that finished. (Setting myself small goals right now, since setting big goals doesn't seem to work.)

Again, if I don't reach my target for the end of the day, you all get to be mean and throw rocks at me ^_^

Yay! 

u go gurl!

Yay! Knock 'em dead! Or else I'll knock YOU dead =P

Why are you rewriting the story? Shouldn't part 2 be a continuation of part 1? 

I think she wants to put all of the parts into one game instead of a serialized mess. However, she can't delete Innocence Lost because it was a Spring Thing thing.

Why not?

It's just a rule. I'm not exactly sure of its purpose. You would need to ask Briar herself.

She could still unpublish it, and republish it though?

She's just rebooting it now that she doesn't have a time limit. No big deal :P

Nope, she has stated before that doing so would be impossible.

No, I couldn't unpublish it and then re-publish it, I have to leave it the way it was when I entered it into the competition. I can't say exactly why that's the rule, but it makes sense when you think about it. The competition page keeps the links to all the games that were entered, and if you changed the game after the competition was finished, then people who read the game after you've edited it won't actually be reading the game you entered into the contest.

For instance, somebody could enter a ten page troll game and get last place. They could then edit the game they wrote and make a really good game. Then one day, somebody might read through all the entries in the competition and think, "That game that got last place is really good. Why did it get last place? The competition must be unfair."

That's not a particularly good example, but in the case of my game, the voters gave me an average score of 6.5 out of 10. I'm editing the game to make it a lot longer and more detailed, and I have a lot more time to proof-read and stuff. Hopefully when I'm finished, the game will be worth a lot more than a 6.5 out of 10. People thinking of entering the competition might read the updated story and think, "Why did that story only get a 6.5 out of 10? The competition must be really, really hard. I don't think I'll enter." ... So there's a good example of why I'm not allowed to edit the game I entered into the competition.

Yes. That makes sense. 

Do it Briar! Do it or I will find you! Just Do It...like Nike.

Done! Managed to get the first part done, and I did the bit where they meet Lula too. Feels good to actually meet my target for once. 

Good job Briar! You are truly a scrivener. Keep it up and you'll be on your way to demigodhood like yours truly.

I just finished your first epic installment... you are a great writer. You pull your inspiration from Gladiator perfectly, without being unoriginal. At least, I presume you got that first bit from Gladiator. Clever, tho. 

But seriously, I can't WAIT.  

I don't see how you think it's pulled from Gladiator, I can't see how this parallels it in any way. There are plenty of gladiator stories including that of my favorite, Danaos. When I played the first game, I was thinking more about it being like a Greek epic, not a Gladiator rip off.

It's not from Gladiator, dingus.

It's ABOUT GLADIATORS <(The ones from Rome, you know?  Oh, right...you might not.).  Holy FUCK, this is like the fifth time you're trying to call something out for apparently being a copy of another thing.

Wow, no need for personal attacks. I just meant the first bit of the protaganist being pulled from a wealthy, foreign life, and being sold to a Gladiator company to pay off debts. I just had a thought, jeez. Why the hell are you flaming me?

First off, the protagonists family was not wealthy, otherwise he wouldn't have been sold into slavery to pay for debts. XD The protagonist from Gladiator was caught fleeing from execution and would have been the named heir of the Roman Emperor. Maximus wasn't trying to pay off any debts. Completely different origins. Plus, Maximus was Roman so he isn't a foreigner unlike Andreas who is Greek.

It's because you claimed that she pulled this story from Gladiator. In my opinion, that's claiming the story is unoriginal which is untrue for this storygame.

Au contraire, he had never seen Rome before the events of the movie. Pretty sure he was from Spain.

As yes, my mistake, he was a Spaniard. Everything else I said stands though.

They were both taken from their normal lives, and made into slaves. Due to their abilities and build, they were both made gladiators. Through skill, they both one the favor of the master.

 . . . so is Star Wars a rip-off of Star Trek because they both have aliens, space combat, multiple odd planets and robot antagonists? I realize this isn't the greatest example, but my point is that just because you use the same archetype for your story as another doesn't necessarily mean the two stories influence each other; I only bring this up because people can get pretty touchy when you question their writing integrity.

*won

I wasn't questioning their integrity. Do I criticize Warhammer for being reminiscent of Lovecraft? Of course not. I only notice, because I love Warhammer, or (Price of Freedom, as it were.) Because it is SIMILAR, to other things I enjoy. Not a cheap rip off, just similar. So quick to get offended on another's behalf.

Lovecraft? like Cthulhu?

Yeah, like Cthulhu

 . . . Ok, what, per se, does Lovecraft's Horror have to do with Warhammer? 

The Warp borrowed heavily on the Lovecraft Mythos. Chaos demons... nameless entities beyond space and time, whose agendas are alien and unknowable. Common sci-fi theme. Lovecraft thought of it first. 

Nah, the bible thought of it first.

Oh great. Now I have the thought 'God = Alien Lovecraftian Cosmic Being' in my head, and realize there's a distressingly high number of arguments to support that.

Excuse me while I go have a crisis of faith.

/jk

That is the story of literally every gladiator in history. By your logic, every Gladiator story should be plagiarism. XD

And their goals are clearly different thus different stories. Maximus wants revenge for his family, and to save Rome from Commodus. Andreas, from the first part, is just trying to survive. Maximus knows he has the ability to fight and kill. Andreas is new to it. Maximus is already known. Andreas is a nobody. Maximus is an adult. Andreas starts as a kid.

I never used the word plagiarism. That was you. I was merely saying, that it was very similar, and that is why I enjoyed it. It reminded me of something I enjoyed very much. The plagiarism addition was yours, and yours entirely.

I never said you used the word plagiarism. I said by your using your logic, it would be plagiarism.

Drawing inspiration doesn't mean plagiarism. Mass effect is similar to Star Trek, and that doesn't make it plagiarism. I was merely stating that it drew a few points from Gladiator, which I think is a good thing. 

Mass Effect is nothing like Star Trek xD

Everything is like Star Trek. Also, Saren is so similar to Sarris from Galaxy Quest.  And the AI design is borrowed from HAL.  The Alliance is reminiscent of the Federation. 

I disagree. I don't know much about Galaxy quest but Sarris was inherently evil, his killed on his own will. Saren on the other hand, wasn't actually evil. He was being manipulated.

I suppose Hal is similar to EDI, but there are many AI in the Mass Effect universe, and most of them are drastically different.

The Federation is similar theoretically, but both word differently.

Saren listened to the reapers in the first place. Evil. Also, they look ridiculously similar. And sound ridiculously similar. 

Actually, Saren found the reaper by chance and he thought it was simply a ship. He never knew it was sentient until it was too late. Saren was going to use it as a weapon but instead decided to try and save the galaxy with it, sovereign clearly had other ideas. He never knew that the reaper could manipulate him. So no, Saren didn't have a choice, he was manipulated.

Although, thinking about it more, Saren did do some dickish moves in the past but when he met the reaper, he wanted to turn that around. He wanted to save people. And in the end, when you are about to kill him, you see his true personality. They do look similar though.

... *facepalm* You don't "listen" to a reaper. You come into contact with something of theirs that can warp your mind and then you're boned, period. There is no "choice" there.

Still don't see how The Alliance was anything like the Federation either. The Federation was commie land which included humans and aliens living in perfect harmony.

The Systems Alliance is basically humanity's space government and for humans only. It was also a hell of a lot more military oriented than the Feds.

If anything, Systems Alliance was more like Earth Alliance from Babylon 5.

A lot of the stuff in Mass Effect are just common SciFi tropes that can be found in various scifi movies, books, tv shows, etc.

Same goes for the idea that somehow Warhammer has a bunch of Lovecraft stuff in it. It has like a few references to "Old Ones" but really they're just long dead precursors that had a hand in molding the planet rather than some looming threat.

The Chaos Gods you might say represent a Lovecraftian idea, but the only one who fits the mold the most is Tzneech. The rest are pretty obvious about their goals and desires which is another severe departure from Lovecraft. For the most part the average person knows jack shit about the cosmic horrors in Lovecraft stuff. In Warhammer? Even the average ignorant peasant know they live in a crapsack world where chaos is lurking just around the corner.

Now there are a few better comparisons in Warhammer 40,000, but it's still sufficiently different.

(And anyway, Starcraft totally ripped off the Tyranids to create the Zerg and the Tyranids are just a hardcore version of the Xenomorphs from Alien)

"If anything, Systems Alliance was more like Earth Alliance from Babylon 5."

You mean, worthless and corrupt? (Also, didn't know you ever watched B5. Cool)

I wouldn't say the System Alliance was corrupt. It was just inefficient with leaders that could be incompetent.

I wouldn't know, ha ha. That was what the Earth Alliance in B5 was like.

Dude...just stop while you're behind. You're just being ridiculous now.

... Wtf are you talking about? I looked up the man's bio, "Maximus was born in Rome, Italy, which was under Roman rule in 180 AD. He had a farm where his son and wife lived with him."  >_>' With a name like "Maximus" you honestly thought he was from SPAIN?

Spain was under Rome's control at the time was it not?

That's not the real point, though. He was born in Rome.

(But yes, I was saying that Maximus is a Roman name and no, I don't think a Spaniard of that day and age would've named their kid thusly ... nor were we given any indication that Maximus was once a Spanish slave or anything of the like, so the leap of logic is bizarre.)

hmm, on IMDb it says he "Was born in the province of Baetica in Hispania in AD 152. He was the son of Meridius, the governor of the province, and of Lucretia, the daughter of the Roman Senator Bodaus." 

His parents could of been roman born. It would make sense then but I don't know much about his parents. Were they even mentioned?

I don't trust IMDb as a source. :P Still, if that's good enough for you, agree to disagree.

"Was born in the province of Baetica in Hispania in AD 152. He was the son of Meridius, the governor of the province, and of Lucretia, the daughter of the Roman Senator Bodaus." 

... You ask if they were even mentioned and yet you mentioned them while quoting your source. :P And if Lucretia was his mother and the daughter of the Roman Senator, then he -was- a Roman--or at the very least, he was half-blooded. I will admit, though, I haven't seen the movie in years. Hell, maybe he really was born in Spain. I'm still positive he's at least half or a full blooded Roman, though.

I think the idea that he came from Spain comes from the film, where for whatever reason, he was nicknamed "The Spaniard."

"You pull your inspiration from Gladiator perfectly" - I'm not saying that she didn't pull inspiration from Gladiator....but this is nothing like Gladiator xD

... Wow, that made a lot of people angry 

Funny enough, while I do love Gladiator and probably did get some inspiration from it whether I realized it or not, I think my main inspiration for the game was the Telltale game of The Walking Dead... Obviously they're completely different genres, but I first came up with the game because I wanted to come up with something similar to The Walking Dead, where the main point of the game is for the player to make very difficult moral decisions. Other than a zombie apocalypse, the best situation I could think of where difficult moral choices would have to be made was slavery. Was originally thinking of doing a story about black, American slavery, but was worried I'd get told off for being racist.

Bravo! I had absolute confidence in you! *hides shiv in hand behind back* 

The fact that you can write this kind of quality at such a fast pace has my jaw hitting the ground.

Can't wait for this to be finished so we can play it. Is it going to extend the story past where the original one ended?

Lol. Sadly, I can't seem to write at a fast pace anymore, the story's going very slowly. And yes, the game I'm working on will be the first part of the game updated and the rest of the game as well.

I just played the new introduction and it looks amazing. I really enjoyed how it 'customizes' our main character without really breaking the flow of the story. And the approval system is brilliant.

You still write fast by my standards! I get about...one page done every two days, haha.

Okay, didn't manage to get anything done yesterday because I was out all day. Today I just got back from work and I'm baby-sitting later, so I'll just give myself a small goal and say I need to re-write the scene where you have to choose who you give the bread to.

Why can't you babysit inside the computer room? <.<

You: I need to get this story done.

Toddler: Ooh, what's this button on the front of your computer do?

Here's some toys. Go occupy yourself. 

Hogtie that kid, and make them give you suggestions on your story! MUHUHAHA! Now you are doing Malky's style of babysitting. Where you sit on them. And do other shit, while you sit on them.

 "And do other shit, while you sit on them."

That sounded so pedo-y.

I read that as 'And shit, while you sit on them' and had to double-take.

XD

I read it like that too.

Come on Briar! Take a five hour energy, drink some Red Bull, and if it doesn't give you a heart attack you will increase your speed.

Hi guys! Back from the world of ded laptops. (The wire that I use to charge my laptop got broken, so I had to get a new wire) And of course I haven't got any writing done, because... No laptop to write it on. Luckily, I'm back and i have the whole day free for writing. So, my goal for the end of the day is to hopefully finish off the whole chapter where you're on the ship.

Welcome back!

psst, join team Aman! 

fire gorllas are best join team galo

Fuck all the Factions.

It's good to have to you back Briar.

Welcome back! Nothing like having a dead computer to make you feel like half your brain is missing... or maybe that's just me. ;P

Regardless, good luck getting back in the groove! ^_^

So, how goes your goal achieving? 

Your laptop is a brat that keeps try to delay your awesome story.

 

Good luck reaching that goal!

You got this Briar!

*Prepares the babies.

Erm... 

*Loads aforementioned babies onto slingapult.

Didn't manage to get the chapter finished. You may all throw rocks at me.

Goal for to day is getting the chapter finished... Again. 

BEAT DOWN BEGIN

*throws pebbles*

Pebbles are better because they are more annoying. >:D

Sigh, I hope you can do it Briar >_>

Babies are better! Most are as heavy as rocks, but they crap themselves on the way over!

*Slingapults babies at Briar

Just don't smother 'em when you sit on them.

Just don't start referencing obscure shit to put down other people.

Says the one who accused Creeperlucario of plagiarizing Elsword. You and I are two faces of the same coin, I'm afraid.

I'm pretty sure using the exact name, images, abilities, and just about everything else does constitute plagiarism.

On the other hand, general ideas and scenarios like life in a gladiator arena can't constitute plagiarism just because they're based on the same era / genre / setting.

By that logic, *deep breath*

I am NOT getting into this with you again. XD

xD ... That's terrible, Drak. And kind of hilarious.

So... Uhh... Funny story! You guys are gonna laugh. I've been having more troubles with my computer and so I couldn't get the rest of the chapter finished yesterday... Funny huh? Haha... *Hides from rocks*

So, today I'm gonna get the rest of the chapter finished (shouldn't take long, there's not much left) and then I'll hopefully make a start of meeting Titus and Rhode. Laters ^_^

Briar, we are all supporting you. We have cookies for when you finish!

*Hides rocks*

Finished 3rd chapter! Time to start 4th 

Wut wut! *cheers*

Huzzah

Woot! Keep up the good work! :D

Woo!

I'm excited. :3

Wonderful! I eagerly await.

So is this turning out to be pretty linear?

Yeah, no less linear than it was before, just with a little more stuff going on.

With this many chapters this quick I figured as much haha.

You gonna open up more paths later on, or is this turning into a linear story where you decide the details?

Yeah, it's a really linear story. No matter what choices you make, you always go down the same basic story line, only the things you do throughout the story effects your skills and relationships with other characters. I guess there's only going to be two major endings, but certain events throughout the game determine important things like who you're romantically involved with and which characters are still alive in the end.
Still having trouble planning the ending though, so it's not set in stone.

Been real busy the last couple of days so didn't get the chance to write much. My goal for the rest of the day is to get the 4th chapter finished... Bracing myself for another stoning. 

*loading up a boulder onto a trebuchet* I have total faith in you, Briar. Total. Faith.

*Climbs onto boulder.*

"I BELIEEEEEEVE!"

Now that is a vote of confidence. Also, I have this really strong urge to pull the lever now. xD

Ooooh! A lever! *pulls*

*grabs a torch* We shall see how strong your faith is.

Now I see how holding yourself accountable to a bunch of sadists provides excellent motivation.

I believe in you! You can do it!

*whistles merrily while aiming the cannons*

 What are you doing?! This story is based in the Roman era, we cannot use Imperial age weaponry. *gives you a large pointy stick.*

http://calvusguy.blogspot.com/2012/11/roman-era-cannons.html?m=1

Screw historical accuracy, I'm going to believe they're real! Steam powered cannons, dammit, let me dream!

Your chapters are like Maximum Ride's. xD

How?

Short and sweet. 

Yeah... So... Nah, I don't have any excuses. Had the whole day free to write and still didn't manage to get the whole chapter done. Stone away. ^_^

*Throws stones. 

Ouch. 

Can we fire the boulder that Swift is sitting on now? Please? Pretty please?

Sure! But uhh... Could you aim it a little to the left please? You know, towards Malkalack ^_^

That boulder was fired long ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5zboV3_9KY

So again, goal for the end of the day is to get the 4th chapter finished... How the hell did I write Innocence Lost in two weeks? 

Lots of money tends to be a pretty good motivator, haha.

Not to mention I doubt you wanted to be the only one out of the three of us to not finish your story.

Lol. I think it's probably more to do with me being a perfectionist. Before I was like, "Must write as fast as is physically possible! Doesn't matter whether it's crap or not so long as it's done!" Whereas now, pretty much everything I write, I'm going, "Hmm... Huh... Hmm... I don't know, writing it this way isn't very exciting, but if I write it the other way, somebody might notice that it's not historically accurate... Maybe I should start this chapter over from scratch?"

I think I'd probably get it done really quick if I could just stop giving a shit about what other people might think. 

Don't doubt yourself. You won for a reason. :P

Yep! Reason being I specifically picked a subject matter where I could throw in a hell of a lot of drama in a very short space of time. 

Yeah, still not done... But at least I'm nearly done, so hopefully tomorrow when I give myself the same goal I've had for the past few days I'll actually be able to meet it. 

Come little children, I'll take thee away.

Into a land of enchantment.

Come little children, the time's come to play.

Here in my garden of shadows.

PEDO ALERT.

*Follows the strange singing man excitedly*

Is it just me or did the gene pool just get a little cleaner.

Jk, Jk.

Uhh... I don't get it >.>

Follow sweet children, I'll show thee the way.

Through all the pain and the sorrows.

Weep not poor children, for life is this way.

Murdering beauty and passions.

Pied piper.

I'm surprisingly agreeing with Coins here, Drak. 

Nonsense! >:O

Not gonna lie, Danaos, that poem sounded pretty pedo-creeper to me.

Leave the little children alone. 

Yes, they may be small, defenseless, and good sauteed with a little butter and white wine, but you really shouldn't mess with them, Danaos.

Hush now dear children, it must be this way.

To weary of life and deceptions.

Rest now dear children, for soon we'll away.

Into the calm and the quiet.

Definitely. xD

Two days without writing. Not good. Need to write more if I'm ever going to get this game finished.

Okay, so, after I finally get the 4th chapter done, I've got to do some planning. Basically I've been thinking about changing some of the characters around a bit. Brasus for instance seems pretty pointless. Andreas already has a little brother to look after so he doesn't really need anybody smaller, weaker and more annoying. Any objections to me changing his character to something more useful?

Also been considering changing some of the other characters or just adding a couple more, but haven't decided yet.

You know, maybe it would help if we were able to throw real stones at you. XD

Personally, I don't have a problem with Brasus. If you want to, then you could maybe give him a special skill or trait to make up for his overwhelming uselessness.

How about you make him a girl? He acts like one half the ti.e, it wouldn't be that hard to call him "Brasia".

He has the potential for character development. Maybe, make it so that if you sacrifice some of your own safety/well being/approval to save him in the beginning, he'll become a very useful ally in the future and present some opportunities that otherwise wouldn't be available if you let him die.

Although. That sounds like a lot of work, so it might be more efficient to just scrap 'im.

Actually, that sounds like exactly what she should do.

I agree with this.

Should put in an option for escape.

o_(\

Look at the title of the game. Now, look at your comment. I think there will be an option to escape or earn your freedom eventually.

All gladiators have the chance to earn their freedom if they win enough matches and earn enough money for the lanista or whoever else is owning them. As far as I know, they were the only Roman slave that was given that privilege. Not to say that all Roman slaves had hard lives.

Unless they're Damnati, but then again, Damnati aren't really gladiators, so much as lion food/ giraffe sex toys.

Some of them still manage to survive. I think if they make it far enough, they can eventually work their way to Primus Palus.

Actually, Damnati usually just had shit thrown at them until they were too tired to fight.

So then they were literally animal food. Seems legit.

... Giraffe sex toys? 

They fought, killed, and fucked/got fucked by giraffes.

There was one instance, during the Pax Romana, ironically, where a female assassin was sentenced to death...by rape...by a giraffe...in public.

Uhh... I totally believe the Romans would be that fucked up but... How the hell did the convince the giraffes to go along with it?

Getting an animal to have sex with a human is easy if you train it. The Romans know what they're doing.

They built a system of transporting water for hundreds of miles and they had the most formidable military system in the world. I'm sure getting a giraffe to copulate with a human female would be child's play to them.

I'm pretty sure Caligula did that. Might have been around the time where he had an entire family wiped out except the little girl because someone protested that she was a virgin. In response Caligula had the executor rape and strangle her to death.

... I must not have paid enough attention in history class. 

Caligula was a cruel, crazy-ass bastard. Now you know. xD

Link.

http://theoddmentemporium.tumblr.com/post/34791013633/i-keep-seeing-this-fact-about-a-female-serial-killer

This?

The source to the source doesn't have a source, nor is there any official, proper research...

http://www.alt-country.org/Thread.aspx?ID=3074718

"He had another insulter, and his entire family, publicly executed one after another in front of a crowd. The man and wife were first, followed by the oldest child and so on. The crowd became outraged and began to disperse, but many stayed in morbid fascination. The last of the family was a 12 year old girl, who was sobbing hysterically at what she had been forced to watch. A member of the crowd shouted that she was exempt from execution as a virgin. Caligula smiled and ordered the executioner to rape her, then strangle her, which he did. "

There is also this site: http://www.cracked.com/funny-7063-5-insane-ancient-rulers/

My favorite emperors in history are Julius Caesar, Nero, Caligula, and Augustus Caesar.

Caligula was stabbed to death and cremated...

That, and Cracked isn't exactly a source to be taken seriously... ._.

Pfft, that's all?

And I don't see Listverse citing its sources.

Pretty much. There are several other places where I saw this story and many others, I just didn't feel like looking for all of them. There was the story of how he made his horse some sort of politician.

Cracked isn't a valid source, but I just like lists. Also, I never said Caligula wasn't stabbed to death.

If one piece is wrong, the other pieces can be questioned in validity...right?

Right...

Which piece are you talking about? The part of his death or the rape? As I said, look around and you will find the story on multiple sites as well as others.

The rape.

A story found all over the internet can just be a widespread rumor.  I haven't found the story from any reputable sources, so I'm still kinda doubting...

Well, it wouldn't be out of character for him. A documentary I watched on him stated that he likes to have parties and take the wives of the senators to his room and rape them. Then he takes them back to the party and criticizes their performance. Of course I could be mixing up sources here.

You do have a point.

Eh, for now, I'm just gonna pass that as a popular rumor (that wouldn't too out of character).

Not necessarily. Some things posted on Cracked.com really are just random crap that is meaningless or questionable at best.

Some of it, however, is definitely true. I've read a -lot- of their articles, and while I've seen plenty of BS from them... you can learn some interesting facts, too.

Disputed facts.

That's not really the path I'm going down with this. I'm basically trying to write one long story rather than a series of short stories. With the story I'm writing now theres a lot of characters and events and difficult choices to make, and all the choices you make determine what happens at the end. If I added the option for escape I'd have to write a completely separate story with separate characters and separate choices and it'd take twice as long to write... And then if there was another path where you get sold to a different person, that'd take three times as long to write.

So nah, having an option where you escape captivity early on in the game isn't really an option for me... Plus it'd kind of defeat the object of the game. The story's called "The Price of Freedom." The main goal for the game is for the main character to win, earn or fight his way to freedom. If the character gets their freedom at the beginning then what're they gonna do for the rest of the game? 

Well, who said that the "price" had to be an explicit cost. It could be as simple as abandoning the people who came to trust you, making it a short, bittersweet ending.

There's a lot of things it could be. I haven't quite decided how the ending's going to go yet, but I'm working on it ^_^

Almost all gladiators that have escaped have been killed anyway. So it would be pointless. Besides, if you made him escape, the only option I see is making him do the whole gladiator rebellion thing. Which would make no sense unless Andreas is really famous already.

The bigger problem is that the story tells a progressive story of Andreas's life from when he's a child till when he's an adult. If he escaped when he was ten, I'd have to find something for him to do for the next ten or so years. 

I personally would rather you not put an escape path in the story. I could see the story ending with Andreas becoming free, dying, or becoming a soldier/guard for the Roman emperor. By the way, which emperor is ruling during the time of the story?

Honestly, not sure. I was thinking Marcus Aurelius, but then I figured people might accuse me of ripping off Gladiator more, and I also might get people who're really interested in Roman history going "That wouldn't have happened in that time! That wouldn't only happened between the ages of this guy and this guy! Shame on you!" So I figured I'd keep the actual time of the story a little vague.

Don't listen to the bullshiters. Yes, that is a word now.

Anyway, I doubt anyone will claim you are taking it from Gladiator, except that one guy. Marcus Aurelius would be a good choice, and it can show more perspective from the life of a gladiator. The movie itself only touches on a few factors of gladiator life, very few. So far with the first installment of The Price of Freedom, the story has shown a more in-depth look into the life of a gladiator than the movie did.

It could also be a good chance to bring someone like Commodus into the story. Yes, Commodus, was also in Gladiator, but the story didn't even get anywhere near to how crazy he actually was. The guy liked to fight injured gladiators and animals, throw bloody heads of slain animals at the senate, dress like Hercules, etc. He would often fight in the gladiator rings himself, and he actually was strangled to death by a gladiator when he was taking a bath.

I dunno about brining Roman Emperors into the story. That wasn't really my plan. The story's not really supposed to be about Roman history, that just happens to be the time where the story was set. Mostly I try to avoid using historical events in the story, because I don't think I know enough about Roman history to tell it accurately.

I didn't say she plagiarized Gladiator, smart one. I said it was similar with a few similar ideas. 

I honestly don't blame you for saying that. It does have a gladiator-like feeling.

Are you being sarcastic?

No, I was being sympathetic.

I was talking about a cost for a short, hidden "escape" path.

Drink martinis and watch the sunrise. 

 

Well, you can always make it count as a lost. You know, "You have escape, but you have abandoned your brother, and that makes you a very, very selfish person. You have a bad ending."

I dunno, I wasn't really planning on having any "bad endings" in the game except the ones where you die. Some people would play the game with the intention of playing a selfish character, and so if they got an ending that says "You escaped, but you're really selfish, so that means you lose." They'd be like... "No it doesn't! I got what I wanted, so I win." 

Then, don't explicitly say it was bad. Just say it like it is. "You were able to escape captivity, but as a result, you were forced to leave your brother."

^ Yes. xD

Still no... It'd mean that people playing selfish characters would finish the game too quickly and think the game was really short.

I'm really not going for an Endmaster type game where the choices you make take you in completely different directions. I'm going for more of a classic RPG style game where there's only one or two "real" endings and the choices effect things like the character's personality, how other people see you, who you fall in love with, who's on your side and who's still alive in the end.

Well, you can always place that option at the part when they were forced to go to the tournament. It won't be so short then.  

You are aware that she's wanting to make the game much longer than innocence lost, right? It'd still be early on.

Then at a later date. Maybe a last tournament that has the odds so much against them. 

Moreso than the first big battle? I doubt that, after the first battle, anything would be deemed impossible for them. They're actually valued gladiators, after all, not damnati.

Or I could... You know... Not?

I mean I might put in a chance to escape right at the end of the game, but I think that's the only point where I'd consider having running away as an option. I want people who play POF to play the whole game through from start to finish and some people might not do that if there's a bunch of alternate endings that you can find earlier on in the game.

That's what I'm saying. It doesn't matter where you put the escape option. As long as it's there, it's all good. 

She's said no multiple times. I hate to say it, but I'm sure that our requests are beginning to border harassment.

Lol. I was kind of wondering how many more ways I could say "no" before you got the message.

Still though, I'm not saying I will put an option to escape at the end, I'm saying I might. It depends whether I can make it so that all the important decisions in the game have been made before you get the escape option.

I counted exactly 156. Don't believe me? Use ctr + f! ;O

I will review you into oblivion if you make it like that!

Anyway, the story is already going on the right track in my opinion. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Thanks Danaos! ^_^

So, now that I've finally finished the 4th chapter, it's time to start planning on a few changes that I'm going to make in the game.

I think I've figured out how I'm going to change Andreas's class mates. The game now has 5 stats instead of the original 2 that Andreas can build on. The stats are; strength, accuracy, speed, intelligence and stealth. What I'm thinking of doing is making it so that all of the characters have a different primary skill that makes them useful. So far the characters main skills are:

Strength - Zeru

Accuracy - Gerda

Speed - Lula

(I might switch Lula and Gerda and Alexius isn't included as he's more of a well rounded character.) That leaves intelligence and stealth. Right now I'm thinking of making a new female character with the stealth skill. I'll either make Brasus more intelligent or just scrap his character altogether and make a new male character to replace him.

Another change I'm planning on making is so that only one character can die in the first big battle. Right now you can lose 3 characters in the battle and that'd just leave you with barely anybody to interact with later on in the game. I'm not quite sure how I'd go about changing this though. I might make it so that only 5 characters are involved in the battle instead of 6, but I'm not sure which ones I'd use.

It would be cool if Brasus turned out to only be pretending to be weak in order to manipulate the others or make it so that they underestimate him. Of course, I'm not actually expecting you to do that. Just chunking ideas at you.

To be entirely honest, though. I don't think it hurts to have two "weak" characters. If anything, that allows for more character development.

Lol. Nah, I was planning on making the characters more obvious than that. It's more so you know what people are good at and what impresses them. For instance if you wanted to impress a smart character, you should play a game of chess with them rather than challenge them to an arm wrestle. Or, if you needed somebody to deliver a message you should pick a fast character over a strong character... Stuff like that.

Seems a little too black and white, but I guess that's how it has to be, in order to be followed easily and make sense.

... Well yeah. I mean take the scenario like before where you have to choose somebody to deliver a message. Let's say one of the class mates is really fast, but you don't know they're fast because for whatever reason they've been pretending to have a broken leg... That would kind of overcomplicate the choice just a little.

I'm not saying the characters are going to be completely one dimensional with no hidden depth, I just want their talents to be obvious so that the character knows what they're all useful for. 

Okay, I guess. Still, I don't feel like the genius of the group would make it that well known that they are the uberintelligent one. I feel that, Ideally, they would be a chessmaster of sort, who manipulates others emotions to get them to do his or her will. But, like you said, that would be too complex.

Not really. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the intelligent character, but I was thinking that, rather than making an all out nerd, it might be more fun to make a more manipulative character. Maybe one of those really suave types that knows everything about everybody and knows just how to control them. The sort of person that'd let somebody else be the leader, but be pulling all the strings in the background.

If I went for that option though, I think I'd have to scrap Brasus because he'd have absolutely nothing in common with the original character at all.

I like it. I think the skills fit the characters well. Brasus seems to fit for the intelligence skill since he seems more timid than the other ones. I can't remember the name of Titus's son, but maybe he could go fit for one of those skills. It isn't uncommon for non-slaves to be/want to be gladiators themselves.

Anyway, good job on making all the progress. I'll be waiting with a pile of pointy sticks if you bring back bad news.

Nah, the skills are only for the classmates. Septimus isn't a classmate, so he wouldn't be included. And again, I don't know if I'm going for a dorky kind of intelligence or a manipulative kind of intelligence, in which case it wouldn't suit Brasus very well. Honestly, I'm just thinking of scrapping him altogether. I'm kind of surprised so many people want to keep him. 

I have a soft spot for pathetic whimpering boys.

EDIT: That didn't sound as good as I thought it was when I read it back to myself. Plus the poems don't help. :p

... The whimpering boys do not want to see your soft spot Danaos. 

*snicker*

I have pathetic whimpering boys for soft spots.

I bet you do.

... ? *images all of coins' vital areas replaced by whimpering boys who are stitched to his body in some sort of patch-work, Frankenstein-type, humanoid abomination*

Interpret it as you will.

That's kinda what I was imagining. Or something vaguely reminiscent of Envy from the FMA manga.

I'm nothing like that emo confused with his gender identity!

Gender identity? Envy has no gender. It is a fifty foot tall fucking corpse dragon...or giant green dog with zombie pimples, as someone else put it.

With emo hair.

Reminds me of that scene in one of the Nightmare on Elm Streets where Freddy reveals that his body has the tormented faces of all the children's souls he's collected.

Eww...

For now I guess the game's on hold while I try to figure out what I'm doing with the characters. I don't think I can decide which characters I'm going to use and what their personalities will be until I've got the whole story planned out and I know exactly what's going to happen with all of them. So... Yeah, lots of planning to do.

*jabs you with pointy stick*

... Ouch 

Watch where you jab that stick, young man! 

This is gonna be worse than throwing rocks at you...

Just do what we tell the Warrior-Kat nerds to do: take your time to make a good story!

But I could make a story in 5 minutes where Andreaspaw takes over Slaveclan and makes beautiful kits with Caeciliafur!