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Sorry for starting a new thread Morgan, but I figured since it's the start of a new week and the last feedback thread has got more than 200 posts so far, it made sense to start a new one. ^_^

Hi guys! Sorry I didn't really give a lot of feedback on last weeks exercises, I was really busy with other stuff, but I'm gonna try and give more feedback this week, so...

@betaband

Those sentences were all really interesting. I think I like the second one best, that made me lol. Feels more like I'm playing a game than reading a story. (I've suffered several of those moments in RPGs where I'd wish my rogue was a mage or vice versa.) 

If you are going to be starting a new one, then will you be posting the new challenges? If you are, don't forget to tag everyone who's participating in the challenges. 

... No, Morgan's still posting the new challenges. I just started a new feedback thread.

Finished! That bonus was really hard to write... But loads of fun! ^_^

Yours were great! And I really loved your bonus. When I read the first sentence I thought you'd go a completely different way with it, but I was quite pleasantly surprised. The only thing that bothered me (apart from the psychology mind-ready thingy) was that I most definitely was reading your story...

Lol. Glad you liked it! And I thought you'd like being included. It means you get to snicker at all those people with N in their names. 

I basically went through the names of all the people that were involved in the writing exercises and picked one of the consonants that appeared in the most names. (Wishing I picked L now, because L was in quite a lot of names too, and then you'd have been one of them.)

Wow, that bonus was fun to read. You really went full meta there and hit the nail on the head with everything. Well, expect my username. (If only you went with L.) That second sentence was a great hook and, I liked te creative take you went with for the bonus. Just to add, the fourth opening sentence also hooked me. It was short, but it certainly caught my attention. 

Thank you! I tried my bestest. (Really wish I'd gone for the L instead) 

Dammit! Nobody with an N in their name read my bonus. 

I read it. xD It was disturbing, but in a... really cool way. Excellent job.

Yey! ^_^

So did I. It was scary acurate.

Just finished my exercise! I didn't have much time to write, and I'm not particularly pleased with my work, but tell me what you think of it :)

I thought it was awesome! It's really hard to put the suspense that you get from horror movies into writing, but you did it really well. It makes you scream, "No! Don't flip the light switch!" in your head when you're reading it.

The sentences were all great, but i think I liked 1 and 4 the best. 1 just sets a really suspenseful atmosphere like you did with your bonus scene, and 4 just made me want to know who was dead and how he died. ^_^

@Kiel_Farren

Those were awesome! You're really great at setting the scene with just a handful of words. I think the first one was my favorite, since I'm really interested in knowing why the baby was wrapped in a blood-soaked cloth... Makes me wonder if the blood is his or somebody else's.

Really looking forward to your bonus. ^_^

The blood is actually accidently spilled kool-aid. I would know. I was the one who spilled it. 

xD Yes, except that it's not. =\

Thanks, Briar. Also, good to know, because I have yet to decide which sentence should become a scene.

The tournament has me so distracted.

Thanks, Briar! I was half-asleep at midnight last night, and totally forgot that we needed a new feedback thread.

Also, sorry again, @nmelssx -- I definitely didn't leave you out on purpose! >_<

NP ^_^

Would still love to see some more feedback on my sentences if anyone else has an opinion.

I'm so tempted to write a short story about [Rabbit Simulator], oh god...

There's some really creative sentences there Swift. I think I liked the 3rd one the best. I guess I'm just curious what occupation she has that involves a latex suit... My second guess was Superhero! ... Never mind my first guess. 

Your first guess was her first job.  (Because I'm a misogynistic bastard, might as well make it so that she was forced into the business)  XD

Lol. Shame, super hero could've been fun. 

DO IT. XD

Just so you know, I would SO read a story about [Rabbit Simulator].

@31TeV

Best bonus ever! Though I'm afraid it doesn't quite do justice to the gloriousness of Aman's mustache.

I think my favorite sentence was probably the fourth one. I don't know why, I think there's just something romantic/poetic about characters who like the rain.

Anyone want to review my bonus or sentences?

You know, more people would be inclined to, if you actually reviewed theirs before asking. :U

Monday is scored, Tuesday is up. ^_^

Alright, I've managed to finish the first one. Any feedback is welcome. :D

Finished my second exercise, though I don't know how many tropes I used :P

I liked the briefing transcript style. It was nice and straight to the point. The setup sounds like it would make for a really awesome adventure. It also looks like you were able to put in four tropes. Pretty good, I have to say.

By the way, I read your exercise yesterday as well and meant to comment on yours, but it was already pretty late. Just wanted to say that I liked the use of horror genre elements, especially the way you managed to give a bit of a false sense of security, even when you gave the reader a very blunt explanation about the type of story this was in the first paragraph.

@romulus I really liked yours, the tropes seemed so natural when you wrote it. Very good plot and writing in general. If you made it into a short story, I'd read it.

@swiftstryker nice, well thought out, and was good even though it had a short length

@Kiel_Farren great writing, totally nailed the "young smart teenage female" even if she did kill a shit ton of people.

@TaraGil yours was just amazing in general. It had great writing, dialog, imagery. Just a good scene. BTW, looks like its just us with full points :p

xD ... Please don't talk about me 'nailing young teenage females' ... but that aside, thank you. :)

Tuesday is scored, Wednesday is up!

Wednesday is scored -- and @betaband takes the lead! XD

Also, Thursday is up. ^_^

Yay :))))))

Is still a thing or naw?

Still a thing! Sentinel is now tied with you again! ;)

Aaand Friday is up!

>The one day I have time to  write feedbacks.

>Literally the only person that posts.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

As it is now September, the writing exercises scores have been reset! The winners for August are @betaband and @ISentinelPenguinI -- congrats, guys!

Voting time!

1) Winners should get a banner or something for their profile! ^_^

2) Uh, no, nobody would actually put it in their profile anyway. >_<

I vote 1

Whoops. Didn't notice. I vote 1.

Hello, again. Yes, I'm still alive. I've been working on D.C. and I've been feeling like crap, so I started slipping behind. Anyway, my feedback for the current sentences:

@Romulus  Your sentences were good, I'm most interested in the first becoming a scene.
@Malkalack I'm curious to see what you do with the last one, if you're going to write a bonus. 

Also, if anyone would like to offer feedback for mine / an opinion of which I should do a bonus on (or both,) I'd be delighted. (Feel free to ask me for the same, I haven't been keeping up very well, but I'll try.)

Thanks for the compliment! Your sentences are great as well, though I'm most curious about the second one :)

I've now finished both todays exercise and the bonus :)

@Romulus Meant to say this sooner, but excellent job on your tropes scene, the world you established was interesting and I can sympathize with the character you created.
 

Glad to see folks are still on board! Monday is scored, and Tuesday is up! ^_^

Finished today's exercise, that was actually a hard one.

"Also, since they don't strike me as being very compatible, you can get the bonus this time just by including any two of the tropes."

You don't think we can manage a scene with all of them, eh? ... Challenge accepted. xD

Hopefully it counts as one scene, in spite of the fact that it's a dream of flashbacks initially, which is followed up by the actual scene, and topped with a brief moment of audience level awareness.

XD

Haven't read it yet, but I'm curious to see how you managed it!

I'm curious to hear what you think.

@Morgan_R

*reads*

Ahahaha! Love your take on the 'cat scare'! XD  

Overall I liked it -- I think you probably wouldn't want to arrange things exactly like that in an actual piece, considering you practically have a flashback within a flashback... but in terms of getting everything in for the exercise, it totally worked. ^_^

xD Thank you, I was hoping someone would get a kick out of that.

Alas, I agree. xD A flash-back within a dream is probably better as a nod to inception than a smoothly flowing scene and it felt really awkward to write that whole piece, but I tried. Glad it worked to some degree.

Almost forgot! Tuesday scored, Wednesday up! ^_^

Ooh. Very nice, @the_quiller 

Thanks! This prompt actually got me to write a page of the storygame I was stuck on, so double thanks for the prompt!

I didn't think that I would make that exercise. o.o

Wednesday has been scored -- Romulus takes the lead! And Thursday is up, albeit a bit late. >_<

Finished ... and acutely aware of how much I've been wanting to write about this particular character. =\ Wish I had more time.

Nice! Definitely an interesting secret. ^_^

I'm afraid I'll be losing my lead already, as I really have no motivation to write today :P

@TaraGil -- nice! And for the record, I am not at all inclined to be fussy about what is or isn't 'a scene.' ^_^

Glad to hear it, Morgan. And thanks for the comment! I still got a backlog of robotic religion that needs to be finished and a place to share publicly as well as a scene where a bunch of characters discuss the ethics of using a biological weapon.

Thursday scored -- Quiller takes the lead! And Friday is up. ^_^

@Kiel_Farren

The opening scene tugged at my heartstrings in all the good ways. It was sad. It was romantic You could really get just what Ethan was feeling. Then that line at the end did a great job at giving a good hook. If this were a full story, that would be the part where I'd be compelled to read more. Then, I got to read the end. It looks like Ethan went the Pet Cemetery route. It was still sad and well-written. It's a terrible path, but it was a good contrast to how Ethan was in the beginning.

@Romulus

The imagery for both scenes are just amazing. You seem to have a good handle on certain aspects of horror. I like the way the first scene went from good, then bad, to worse. What's really cool was the decision to have a quicker pacing in the end scene. It's fitting since it's a more climatic end scene with a lot of action. It's a good read. I hope Edwin finally got his sleep.

Thanks for the compliment! I finished my second ending as well btw :P Too bad you haven't written anything yet today.

@Romulus I really liked the tone of your second ending. The first, being a straight action scene, was paced ... well, like an action scene. Which is good, but I prefer long reads and greater detail. It was pretty interesting, finding out what happened to Charlie, why he started killing people and to what end, his relationship with Edwin ... and I liked the sad note it ended on.

It is satisfying, when a really bad guy gets put down, you know everyone's going to rest easy, and triumphant music starts playing, but there's something unrealistic about it, if that makes any sense. Maybe that's why I like bittersweet endings, they feel more natural. Either way, good job. 

Just read the second ending. That one was very satisfying to read. The pacing is slower than the first, but it works since it's driven more from character interaction. Despite having less action, the tension was still high and still led to a good, solid and tragic end. Loved it, probably even more than the first. Somehow, if the action of the first scene built up to the confrontation of the second scene, I imagine it would make for a really great climax.

Btw, sorry to say I wasn't able to write anything yesterday. I had to little time on the computer to come up with something fresh. Maybe next weel.

Thank you for the review! =) It is almost tempting to make a story of this one, but I have too many projects already. The second ending I had planned would stick closer to where Ethan was in the beginning--sort of, anyway. You could still assume he was insane, but it was going to keep to the bittersweet tone of the first scene. Actually, I thought about writing it first, but alas, I still can't decide on how she died and that's kind of a key factor for that ending.

I had a feeling the second ending would have Ethan closer to where he was in the beginning. I love it when stories have parallels like that. It really would make for a good story, even a short story, but from the sound of things, it really does look like it's best kept on the back burner. A shame you couldn't decide on just how Lenna died. The second ending sounds full of potential.

@Swiftstryker

(I'm not sure if you're the one who made that thread, but I really hope you're not the one that asked to stop being tagged. I cannot find the thread to check. If you are, I apologize in advance.)

Yours was a cool read with good use of first person POV. It really felt like a guy telling a story about an old friend. I really enjoyed the word usage in this piece. You have a great vocabulary and used it well here. Kind of a dark ending, though, and a sad end to Horthrah. Makes me wonder just how badly they were treated to give those people their fate. Still, it's really cool, Like some precautionary myth tale.

And just to wrap up Week Three: @Romulus wins! ^_^

Please move along to the Feedback 4 thread.