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5942 Kate's Way

7 years ago

I'd like to hear if you have any critiques, ideas, etc. of this page of the story:

It's the middle of the night, and you're sitting in the dining room of this abandoned house. Everyone else is out on the porch chatting away to their hearts content. You've got a battery powered lantern beside you, and you're writing down a few ideas in your notebook.

 

A few moments into your writing, you hear the others coming inside. From the sound of the footsteps, it sounds like all but one of those people are NOT headed in your direction. You pause, look up and, put on the best welcoming smile that you can.

 

Standing in the doorway is Rose, who isn't someone you know. "Why are you so intent on not being social?"

 

You snort at the thought of being social with this group. "I'm not in the best of terms with these people. Besides, I was pressured into doing this. At least, it'll keep Jack from pestering my sister over the weekend."

 

Jack is one of the people who came up with the idea of staying here over the weekend. He's one of those people who can't handle being told "no" very well. Unfortunately, he seems to like knocking you onto the ground.

 

"That's right! You're Katherine's brother aren't you? Benjamin? Yeah, I'm familiar with his behavior." She laughs, "you don't know me at all do you?"

 

You shrug. "I know you're Rose, and I now know you're a friend of Katherine's. But besides that, I don't know you. My sister tends to keep her life outside of our house to herself."

 

Rose shakes her head. "That sounds like her alright. It's rather late, you should really get some sleep soon." She turns around and heads upstairs.

 

You close your notebook, set down the pencil, and stand up. You walk over to your backpack and pull out your sleeping bag, and you set it by the wall.

 

 

5942 Kate's Way

7 years ago
I guess I'll start with the obvious; you've got all of 300 words here and so there's not a lot to critique. The viewpoint character is somewhat antisocial and is at some kind of gathering, that's about all we know.

I mean, that's something at least but the plot and even the genre could be absolutely anything, I have no idea. Something a little more substantial would be useful.

5942 Kate's Way

7 years ago

I figured I could detail it when I've got a bit more to add to the story. I didn't want to spend so much time on detail that I'd lose what I had in mind.

5942 Kate's Way

7 years ago
The level of detail is fine, what I'm saying is maybe you should continue writing until you've introduced a plot point of some kind. It's hard to give feedback without having more to work with and at least some idea of the direction you're wanting to take this in.




5942 Kate's Way

7 years ago
What you've written here is not enough to offer any useful critiques. Like Mizal already pointed out, all we learn is the location and a few names. The people involved could all be vampires. The main character could have a romantic relationship with his sister. He could secretly be an alien from another planet. Anything could happen. If you want people to critique your work, give them something to work with. You most likely already have the idea in your mind, but we can't know what it is.