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What do yall think of my story?

5 years ago

I've enabled the sneak option thing to see what you guys think of my first game bits

What do yall think of my story?

5 years ago

I think this goes in the Writing Workshop, but you should probably just wait until a mod moves it. I'd do the Endmaster Summoning ritual, but I can't remember whether that brings him to do multiple modly tasks, or it exclusively causes him to kill whoever does it. I'm not a gambling bird.

As far as criticism goes, you're very... Economical, with establishing what's happening. This way I get a picture of what's going on, but frankly it's kind of a bland one. Atmosphere is the order of the day in any horror game, if I were you I'd try and spend more time establishing what it would feel like to be in the protagonist's situation.

What do yall think of my story?

5 years ago
I can move threads too, and I don't even need a ritual.

OP forgot to include a link, so here: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/scp~3a-containment-breach

I also went ahead and changed the category to fanfic.

What do yall think of my story?

5 years ago

Thanks for the feedback, i appreciate your help.

What do yall think of my story?

5 years ago

I havent read the story yet, but that is a loong ass description of the storygame there. You might want to shorten it to a few sentences, and let us gradually find all thst info out as we go along the story itself.