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Soliciting Feedback: A Cycle of Death

16 days ago

Hello!  

I wanted to ask for some feedback on my submission to the Creatures of the Night contest.  This is my first time writing a story of any sort, so I'd really like to see where I need to grow as a writer.  I appreciate the comment from LuvLee; I plan on putting in the planned content that was cut after the contest which should take care of that issue.

I'd like to know what people thought of the story.  Was the style interesting or boring and drawn out?  Did the characters (unlikeable as they may have been) feel like actual characters or one-dimensional?  Of the people that completed it: did you stop after getting the first ending?

I would be grateful for whatever criticism I can get, so that my future stories will be of a higher quality.

Thanks!

Soliciting Feedback: A Cycle of Death

16 days ago
Reviews will happen, feedback is always going to be slow with contest entries though. We just had 15 stories hit the main page at once.

Soliciting Feedback: A Cycle of Death

16 days ago

Thanks, I'll give it some time, then.

Soliciting Feedback: A Cycle of Death

16 days ago

Just reviewed, it looks like a good start.

I had to put down Steve's story to take a look at yours; now that you have 3 comments you can hopefully relax lol.

Soliciting Feedback: A Cycle of Death

16 days ago

Thank you, I'm just eager to work on my personal development, excited by the type of feedback I can get from a community like this.

Soliciting Feedback: A Cycle of Death

7 days ago
Saw you took the story down to work on it so I'll just post this here. Like Killa I thought it was strange the rating was so low, until I started clicking through the story. The writing itself was really well done and engaging from the start, you just kind of shot yourself in the foot with the linearity.

And the sad thing is it's not even ENTIRELY linear; there are alternate routes there, but you didn't let the player choose them. Most people are just going to see endless clicking with no choices. I actually cheated and went into the editor just to see if there was more than one epilogue and that's when I saw the thing you'd done with the variable restrictions.

It's a cool concept in theory but you've got to have more places with at least the illusion of choice. Even small decisions that don't ultimately change the plot very much are better than having one link to click on for so many pages in a row.

Still a great read in its own right and a story I enjoyed, so even though it didn't really hold up as a CYOA I really look forward to more projects from you in the future, especially ones where you're not rushed for a deadline.

Soliciting Feedback: A Cycle of Death

7 days ago
Yeah, I've setup stories like that before. They're awesome in that you're using the reader's choices to affect the story, but when the reader doesn't see that, or have some indication that's happening, they do tend to not like the story as much!

Soliciting Feedback: A Cycle of Death

7 days ago

Perception is nine-tenths of the law, as I always say.

Soliciting Feedback: A Cycle of Death

7 days ago

Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate that you took the time to write this up.  I'm a big fan of unforeseen/far-reaching consequences to actions in stories, but I failed to give the reader any sense of control.  Even a blurb in the description would have been helpful.  In any case, I'll be incorporating the feedback that I've been receiving and finishing the story, hopefully by the end of the month.  It'd be nice to actually include the major plot points this time around.  I hope that everyone who played through already will take the time to go through it again when it's finished.

As far as future projects, you can look forward to my upcoming Love & Dating game, amongst other unannounced titles such as nopeeking! and its prequel (which will be released first) nodontlook!