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The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago




Norse high fantasy with detailed custom maps, unique cultures, lore, and creatures. Journey through multiple continents filled with quests, characters, and monsters to vanquish.




Frjalsland is a harsh, but beautiful world that is both unforgiving and rewarding to the people who live there. The people there have built their own world on the bones of a failed empire that came before them and has since vanished but for superstitious whispers and rumors. Sellswords earn names for themselves slaying beasts that pray on villages and traveling merchants, neighboring regions war for land rights, and mysterious spirits roam the wilds.

Play as Hjordis as she grows from a child to an ambitious young shieldmaiden looking to earn a name for herself. Your decisions affect where she grows up, her combat style, who her companions are, and what quests she undertakes. Earn fame in Frjalsland, uncover the secrets of the Alfheim Empire, discover the hidden realm of Nidavallir built beneath the earth, and explore faraway lands across the sea thought only to exist in myth and legend.


Welcome to my motivation thread! I will be doing my best to post regular updates as well as a few snippets from the story for the next few months. This thread is to keep me accountable and on track to publishing this summer, as well as to get feedback and suggestions from anyone interested in doing so. I'll be posting the current progress update shortly.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago
Still excited.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago
Get out of here, penis-haver. This is a thread for strong independent warrior women only.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago
I have a clam...

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago
I'm more excited than Clamurai.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago

This sounds really cool.  

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago

Cool AND fancy!

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago


Current Word Count: 18,562

Planned Content:
Random Events - Quests of varying difficulty - Semi customizable companion roster - Main quest line & side quests

Maps:
The maps are currently only in rough draft form and subject to change. I'm planning to purchase a cartography program to go in and remake them in greater detail in the next month or so, but here are two of the current WIP maps to look at



Progress:
Story Beginning(Complete)
Alfheim Childhood Path(Started)
Nidavallir Childhood Path(Not Complete)
Frjalsland Quests (Not Complete)
Random Events (Started)
Afheim Quests: (Not Complete)
Nidavallir Quests: (Not Complete)
Planned End Paths: 4(Still in planning, this number will most likely go up)
Variable Count:21
Companion Count: 8
In Game Compendieum: (Beastiary started, Maps started, Lore started)



Just as you are about to go to sleep in the tent, a sound echos out amongst the trees. A soft musical tune on a lone instrument that you have never heard before. Its tune is sweet and calming, chasing away the guilt and anxiety from the day. As you continue to listen, a voice begins to sing along to the music. The language is one you have never heard before and it stirs something inside of you that you have never felt before.

As if compelled by the music and the voice, you barely even realize that you are walking towards it until you are past the firelight of the camp. Once beyond the light of the fire, the moon and stars provide enough light for you to make your way. The ancient forest is still and sleeping, as if lulled by the music just as much as you are. You crawl over large roots and pick your way carefully through some of the shrubs before you find yourself in another cove.

The moonlight shines brightly through the open space, reflecting off the still water. As you step further out into the open, you catch sight of a man sitting on a rock jutting up from the water. He plays an instrument you have never seen before and sings along to the tune in that strange language. The sound is both beautiful and mournful at the same time, keeping you utterly entranced by it. Looking at him feels as you are trying to look at someone through a dense fog, despite there being no fog present. As if you were looking at something that both was and wasn’t there.

He seems to notice you at last, turning to look at you as he keeps singing. He’s handsome, even at your age you can see that about him. All strong, angular features with long pale hair and green eyes. The moonlight shimmers off of him as if he were wet, though you imagine he must be after swimming out to that rock. You can see no camp nearby either as you look around, resisting the urge to fixate on him and the music.

The music suddenly stops and you turn back to the rock, finding the man has vanished. The water about the cove seems undisturbed, only the naturally gentle lapping of the water on the shoreline betrays any movement in it. He couldn’t have possibly jumped into it without disturbing the water. Curious, you step forward and peer down into the water as it laps against your toes.

“I remember you,” A whispering voice comes from the water, startling you into stumbling back a few steps.

“Where are you?” You ask, feeling nervous now that the music is no longer calming you.

From the water you see a head slowly rise up, barely even causing a ripple on the surface. It no longer looks like a man, but something very different. The skin is pale and wet, with bits of green algae clinging to his cheeks and jaw. Weeds that grow in lake beds are caught and tangled up in his hair, as if he were but a corpse newly disentangled from lying at the bottom of the lake.

“It is… impolite to look at those who don’t wish to be seen,” Its whispered tone is chastising as it settles back into the water a bit, up to its ears now.

“I’m very sorry,” You offer the apology quickly, wondering if he was what you had seen yesterday swimming about in the water next to the boat.

“Not so sorry that you don’t come when summoned, it seems,” He murmurs, the water unmoving despite his mouth being below its surface. The whispered tone of his voice seems to come from all directions despite his presence being clearly in front of you.

“Are you a nakki then? My mother said you might be a water spirit.” You ask, curiosity getting the better of you.

“If that is what you wish to call me. Mortals have called me many things over time. But, it has been thousands of years since one could see me when I did not want to be seen. Tell me, child, how is it that you have such a gift,” He asks, floating a bit closer to the shore.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago

Nice, looking good and the world seems interesting (although not much to go off by yet).

Anyway, my one gripe is that you capitalize letters after dialogue when you shouldn't, namely with things like:
" 'Where are you?' You ask, feeling nervous now that the music is no longer calming you."

Notice that if you took out the dialogue the sentence wouldn't make sense, because 'you ask' what? This means the you ask (and following part) are in the same sentence as the dialogue. What do you capitalize in a sentence? The starting letter, along with proper nouns (names), and I's in reference to self (however you describe it >->).

Anyway, this means you want the 'you ask' to be lower case. Further, here:
" '... be a water spirit.' You ask,"

Refer to the earlier part where I said " 'you ask' what? ". This applies here as well, it doesn't work as a sentence, which means you want the closing dialogue punctuation to be a comma, and then the 'You ask' lowercase once more.

Worth mentioning, if the dialogue ends in a exclamation (!) or question mark (?) it doesn't get converted to a comma, but the following 'you ask' would stay lowercase to keep it all the same sentence.

Mainly remember that you want sentences to make sense, and while quotation marks can surround whole sentences, things like 'you ask/question/say/inquire/scream (etc)' all fail as sentence parts if the part which is 'said' is not mentioned there in the sentence. Generally that's how I think of it anyway.

TL;DR
Dialogue punctuation! Quotations marks show spoken dialogue, they don't automatically surround whole sentences. Dialogue ended with a comma won't cause the next word to be capitalized as a 'sentence start' capitalization, so keep it lower case if it isn't something that would normally be capitalized (like a name). This mainly applies for dialogue followed by a 'you said' or variation on it (i.e. 'you demand'), so keep an eye out for those.

P.S. Hope this makes sense, but feel free to look up dialogue punctuating yourself, note that it is not something I'd consider general writing knowledge, plenty of people don't know about it, so most people probably won't notice/care, but aiming for being correct is still a good idea I say (at least until language has officially 'evolved' to a point where something else is grammatically correct, aha).

P.P.S. I find it funny that the 'Uncharted World' is charted.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

7 days ago
Thank you so much for pointing that out! Sadly, I was taught to capitalize after dialogue in school (I'm not even surprised to find out something was taught incorrectly there honestly lol), so it might take me awhile to break the habit, but I will do my best. I'll go back through what I have to make the changes on what I do have and make sure to keep an eye on it as I write more.

Yeah that does look funny. It's actually just a placeholder for me in the WIP maps since I haven't named it yet. That continent is newly discovered and not yet mapped in the story, one of the paths will allow you to sail to it. It is already inhabitated so a map of it becomes available once the protag sails there (Or at least shortly thereafter). The finalized maps will have that area of the world map blank as well as the areas for Muspelheim and Niflheim until the player actually goes out and finds them.

The free program I made the current maps in didn't allow me to erase land masses, I could only add names and biomes to the randomly generated ones. Once I purchase a better program, I'll be able to make maps that reflect the various states of discovered continents. The starting map will only show Frjalsland and Alfheim for example.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago

I can't wait to read this, I love how well fleshed out your world seems and I'm really fascinated by Norse mythology and ancient traditions in general.

Regarding this snippet in particular, I liked the description of the nekki; the phrase "as if trying to look at someone through a dense fog" is not unheard of, but it's very effective and evocative.  The tone and style themselves contribute to the Norse fantasy atmosphere with their candid natural descriptions.

Zake already mentioned the capitalization error, so the only one I can point out (aside from minor typos like "as you are trying to look at someone" instead of "as if you are trying to look at someone") is the repetition of "water" in the paragraph that starts with "The music suddenly stops." It isn't in any way a big error, I'm just nitpicking, but it can sound a bit redundant.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

7 days ago
Thanks for pointing that out Undr! I don't like using the same word to many times in a paragraph, I'll go back through and reword it to sound less redundant. Also thanks for pointing out the typo. I probably should look around for a beta reader to help me catch stuff like that xD

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

7 days ago
I'm genuinely excited for this story, but can you add a spaceship somewhere? There really aren't nearly enough fantasy slots to go around.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

7 days ago
Lol, I'll do my best. But I can't make any promises. I'm just not sure where I would fit one in. One of the cultures in the story are just starting to develope steam technology (steam powered trains sort of things, nothing steam punk), but that's about as technologically advanced as it gets.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

6 days ago
Have never heard before, have never heard before, have never felt before, have never seen before ... Everything else I wished to say has already been pointed out by others, except this one small thing. It's possible it's intentional, but it seems a bit redundant to me. This seems delightful so far, I can't wait to read it!

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

6 days ago
Thanks for pointing this out, Maya! I'll see if I can't switch it up a little to make it less redundant. :)

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago

Oh wow, you really have me hyped. Can't wait to try it!

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

8 days ago

Frjalsland > Skyrim 

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

6 days ago
"Journey through multiple continents filled with quests, characters, and monsters to vanquish."

---

Ooh, I want to go to Milfhiem!!!

Wait... adjusts glasses... oh.

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

6 days ago
LOL

To be fair, Milfheim sounds much more pleasant than Niflheim. It is freezing cold with dense fog, filled with draugr and other undead all guarding the gates to Hel which is surrounded by a fence called Nagrindr (corpse-fence).

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

6 days ago

Hey, just curious, but what programs do you use for your illustrations? I assume that is also how you got your header fonts?

The Many Fates Of Hjordis

6 days ago
For the headers, I just googled font generators. I used this one. It does provide permanent links to anything it generates which is really convenient.

The current map illustrations are generated by worldspinner, a free online map generator with some customization capabilities(But, it can be frustraiting, I had to go through and delete over 500 auto generated landmarks on the map before I could even start with my own custom ones and it will delete any maps after 30 days if you are on a free account). I'm going to buy Campaign Cartographer 3+ to remake them in better detail.