WatchNon-threaded

Forums » Writing Workshop » Read Message

Toss around ideas and brainstorm your story.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Good morning y'all!

I finished the introductory chapter of my CYOA Queen Bee last night. I haven't been writing it for very long, but I was hoping that if any of you were on here killing time that you might use some of it to check out the first few pages of my story and tell me what you think.

Here is the link, enjoy: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/queen-bee

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

WORKER BEES ARE ALWAYS FEMALE

ROYAL JELLY IS MADE BY WORKERS

DRONES DIE AFTER MATING

THE QUEEN STORES SPERM AND ONLY HAS TO MATE ONE DAY IN HER LIFE 

HONEY BEES DIE WHEN THEY USE THEIR STINGERS
 

How can you be writing a story about bees and not even do the most elementary research into their lives?  Have you no respect for them whatsoever?  Funny how you're writing about bees taking revenge on humans, when you would certainly be the first target should that happen.   Now, I know this might be hard to comprehend for a life-form of lower intelligence such as yourself, but looking something up on the Internet is even easier than making a story on here!  :D  All you do is go up to the little search box at the top of your screen or window--you know, the thing you use when you look for you formicophiliac porn every night.  Then, you type in what you want to search.  'Honeybee' would do nicely.  If you can do that, congratulations!  You can do basic research on how the subject of your dear story functions!  
 

 

 

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Whew, ok lad chill. You've certainly convinced me to do some more research.

- So apparently the male bees (drones) don't traditionally do any work in a hive. However, since I wrote 1342 as a rebellious bee I'll edit that he joined the scouts without orders, which contributed to him wandering out of the forest and finding the plantation. I'll also include more details about him being lazy and selfish. I'll also change the time he died to right after he finished mating.

- Since workers are all female I'll have to change the gender of the scout team that finds the female protagonist. I get the feeling this story is going to get pretty gay over time... not a bad thing. ;)

- Ok, so royal jelly is made by workers. I still think the queen would be motivated by revenge to personally deliver it every night, even if it's with the help of some female attendants I will add in some details about the worker bees working around the clock to make as much royal jelly as they can everyday for 9 months.

- If I added in that the queen put her larvae into the human's womb I'll take it out. There are queen bees after Beatrice so knowing now that she can only mate one day in her life makes a difference. While I'm trying to ground the story in semi-realism it's still story about the protagonist getting bee super powers and deciding what to do with them. I think royal jelly will be enough.

Thanks for reading it and helping me out!

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

The queen is a fucktard, but what else can we really expect under the circumstances of how this story is being written.

If you actually did not know this I sincerely question both your mental abilities and your choices in sites that you chose for research.  Fur Affinity and the Bee Movie are not a reliable sources, contrary to whatever you have been led to believe.  As for the bees sexes, that sort of thing is taught in second grade science class.  There's a reason that literature on bees will refer to the workers as 'she', and it's not some feminist statement.  If you were unaware that most of the hive is female, then you should muster up all the intense effort and concentration to read what is literally the first sentence of Wikipedia's 'Life Cycle' section on honey bees.

 "As in a few other types of eusocial bees, a colony generally contains one queen bee, a fertile female; seasonally up to a few thousand drone bees, or fertile males;[18] and tens of thousands of sterile female worker bees"

Why ain't that the darnedest thing.  Not even some special site dedicated to bees, and they managed to share this hidden knowledge!  Imagine what absolute wonders a beekeeper's or an entomological website could have in store for you.  If you work really, really hard, you might learn about some really cool stuff like bee regicide!
 

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Yeah, you lost me at fucktard. But I'll take the few pieces of advice you screeched before this post to mind.

Not this one, though.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Or you could just use an alternate reality. I really enjoy diversity, so maybe instead of ‘bees vs humans’ you could lean more towards ‘insects vs humans.’ You could even be real cool about it and have the the main character recruit yellow jackets, cicada killers, wasps, hornets, etc. first. You could even incorporate it into the legend by having a wasp, or hornet, be like an accomplice to queen Beatrice and have them sting the baby.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

You should write this, Autistic, because it sounds way cooler already

 

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Stop, don’t get me started. Sure, I was kind of a bug and insect nerd as a kid, and I have a couple lengthy nonfiction books under my belt, but I have no work ethic. Literally zero. I’m supposed to be doing work, but look at me, I’m procrastinating as I continue to write this.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Right.  Go do your homework, young man.  I don't want to see your name on the bottom of my screen again until you are done.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Oh shit @Austinc you better be doin yer homework

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

I was about to log off, but you tagged me.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Now log off

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago
Austin is on again, should we tag him until he logs off?

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Fuck you, I’ve already finished and turned in my summative!

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago
Good job Austin, now you get a gold star!

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

I’m most likely going to get a D since its a week late, and I spent like an hour on it total.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Thanks for taking the time to read the chapter!

While I originally planned to make this a modern adventure, making this an alternate reality could be interesting. I already have plans for a lot of bizarre actions to be possible, so an alternate reality is going in the maybe pile. I guess it would be a fantasy reality since those appear to be really popular on here.

Ah yes, other species of bugs! That will be for later chapters and may involve an individual adventure to recruit each type. But now that you've got me thinking about species you've got me thinking about what specific bee species the protagonist will have at the beginning of the game. Up until now I was thinking of just having the bees you meet not know what species they are and have the protagonist research them in the school library, but now I'm thinking that was just plain lazy on my part even if this is just a fun hobby on the side. After all, the protagonist's powers are based of these specific bees!

You've given me some great ideas, thanks again.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago
Please, don't make them Carniolan honey bees. Those are the best bees. They don't deserve to be insulted like this.
Hell, no bees deserve to be insulted like this! They are all wonderful, hardworking creatures. Can't you attack wasps or something instead?

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Or maybe attack those disgusting yellowjackets

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Thanks for the recommendation, I've put Carniola bees at the top of my research list! Your input is appreciated.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Make them East African lowland honey bees. I think I read somewhere that the protagonist’s family were bee slavers, so you might as well make it historically accurate.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Lol, pretty sure you're shitposting but I'll add it to the list anyway. Thanks.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Ok now that you've edited in that paragraph at the end I gotta say that I did do a little research before I started. Plenty of websites go over bees without mentioning gender much if you don't include gender specific words in your search. No need to be so rude, bruh.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago
'lad' and 'bruh', hmm? Lotta gender assumption going on for more than just bees....

I'm offended on behalf of insects everywhere. You should apologize to me.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

Haha, I assure you I use those terms for any gender. I don't discriminate.

For some reason your post got me thinking about the possibility of trans bees. Hmmmmmm...

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

'the possibility of trans bees'
You are a fucktard.

 

 

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

I can't really take you seriously if you think fucktard is a worthwhile insult.

Now who's not trying?

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago

It's a clinical description that aptly sums up most of your condition.  However, considering most Tumblr profiles, I suppose I would be doing you a favor if I gave you more labels to start identifying yourself with.  You can be a fucktarded faggot.  Go alter your profile now so all of the five people who bother to ever click it can know.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago
Whoa careful now, you're treading on dangerous ground. "Fucktard" is a cherished classic 'round these parts. Cricket doesn't go to whatever shit tier site you hang out on and insult your culture that way.

Finished the Introductory Chapter of Queen Bee

one month ago
Yes if the story heavily features bees, taking five minutes to acquire some elementary school level knowledge about bees would probably be a good idea.

Nice rant, I understand the emotions behind it completely.