this is a good story so far im about to publish my first story game called the last fight and its okay but not great but can you read it and tell me what needs to be fixed and what i should do
I could not read the story... looks like the preview was turned off?
To provide an example of what Mizal is saying: in your description of the story you change point of view. You start by saying the story is about a 15 year old and his friends, but later say something like “with the help of your friends” So am I the kid? Or am I in a third party perspective?
proofread things out loud if that helps! Things will feel weird to say if the grammar is off.
Im just going to do a completely different story it is going to be about a 21 year old marine that woke up in the woods in the middle of nowhere and has to find his way out but he is not the only one to wake up there in the woods.Together they hike through the woods faceing untold horrers:hell hounds,and other monsters.They will sometimes come up on some supplies some useful some not,but will they survive?
Does that sound intresting or not im not sure people will be intrested what do you think?
You should make a separate thread for your story, instead of hijacking Chris's thread.
what are you talking about
I'm saying if you want to discuss your story, you should create your own thread to do so. This thread is about Chris's fantasy story.
Go to the Writing Workshop section of the forums and click on "Post a new message" at the top.
You are a very patient person.
It's fine, I only broke like three screens talking to this dude.
16 and no
the link of my story game is on the newbie section called The warrier
Ok, but is this real life?
tell me what you think please I just started 20 minutes ago
what u mean
to the man in this story it is in real life
I'm so confused. You're 16?!
On the upside, these papers I have to grade seem positively brilliant now.
Still a step up from Kiel.