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Toss around ideas and brainstorm your story.

Alright, need someone to help me.

15 days ago
I'm looking for someone to play through my storygame before I release it tomorrow (1-2PM EST), to proofread and maybe point out any grammar mistakes while remembering what I said in the description of it. Just message me with anything you find, assuming someone decides to help me, in which case- thanks! If you don't know how to get in before I publish it, again, message me and I can tell you. I think I did at least a half-decent job for 4-5 hours of work but I'd like a second opinion.

Alright, need someone to help me.

15 days ago
We don't even get a link?

Alright, need someone to help me.

14 days ago
link -- The writing is pretty good. Minor dialog formatting issues in one of the endings. But it's very short, three puzzles in gauntlet style and then you get to pick one ending out of three which are pretty much the same. I would add some more content before publishing.

Alright, need someone to help me.

14 days ago
Okay, thanks! I'll add a little more.

Alright, need someone to help me.

14 days ago

Alright, need someone to help me.

14 days ago

Usually it's best not to publish games that took 4-5 hours of work to make. I'm not partial to puzzle storygames without much story, either. You might consider ways to add more detail to the story. Right now I'm wondering:

- Who am I and why am I here? (Character is undefined.)
- Who is this puzzler and what's their purpose? (Antagonist is undefined.)
- Who constructed the whole area I'm in anyway? (Setting is unclear.)

There's a few ways you might go about this. First, have some backstory. You might reveal it through inner dialog to keep the reader engaged (inner dialog is where you reveal the thoughts of the main character to the reader). You can continue revealing inner dialog in response to the story so that the character doesn't become irrelevant, and use these things as clues to a final riddle.

You should describe more about the setting so it doesn't feel like the reader is floating in space (or if they are, do make note of it). Adding a physical setting should help keep the readers' interest by introducing a tangible, relatable element. In any case, avoid just describing the setting once and forgetting it later.

If you change the game up to include a story, make sure the endings are clearly tied to the backstory and satisfying. The gauntlet format (e.g. only having one correct choice out of many) is the tiresome norm. It's unsatisfying to go back repeatedly, but it's an accepted trope of these puzzle games. You might be able to break out of this too, if you give some thought. Perhaps the puzzler is curious about your incorrect answers and that leads to some dialog that reveals more about them. Perhaps you can talk your way out of dying? Good luck with revisions.

Alright, need someone to help me.

14 days ago
Thanks!

Alright, need someone to help me.

14 days ago
Very, very quick glance and in a few seconds I found a page that says, "New Page" with no options. That's never a good thing.

Alright, need someone to help me.

14 days ago
I just started working on expanding it after reading the other comments here, so there willl be a few messed up pages right now.

Alright, need someone to help me.

14 days ago
Fair enough.