Player Comments on 17 Years

To be honest, the story is lacking in a few elements. A lot more description of the setting and especially the character's emotions is called for if you want to make the reader care about your characters. As they say, make them shine.

Also the description kills all the suspense for me, it would be more interesting if you didn't know whether the guy fancies you. I think if you want to make this story work, you need to put a lot of effort into it.

Very short. You say this is based off of your own life, but the children and husband part probably is not. Because, on your profile it says that you are 17 and in High School, isn't that a bit to young to marry and have two children?

That was pretty short.

There wasn't really all that much to this- there were only two endings that I could find, (they were both exactly identical, word-for-word, so...?) and I feel that it could've been written in less than 30 minutes. Overall, there's not much effort here, and it shows.

Next time, maybe put more thought into the story's plot? With a lot of work on both your parts, you could make a great story ^^

Extreme grammar issues, and extremely short. Felt rushed.

What's written isn't too bad - a pretty standard teenage romance - but there isn't enough story there for any character development or plot. This in turn makes the conclusion feel rushed and kind of forced.

It's too short for me to make a detailed comment about it. All I took away from this story was that there were some characters, the characters did some things, and then BAM! Two of them got married and had kids.

Needs some serious grammatical and spelling corrections. If you want some one to edit this for you and help fix these errors message me

Short and mundane.

If you speak like you write, I'm willing to bed they don't like you.

Interesting.
I think this story might have been better developed if you gave us some stakes on which to hinge the story. We have to feel invested in the plot and its characters so that we care about the outcome.
It seems that the outcomes are limited to living happily ever after with one of two people (which I'm not sure how to distinguish between) and ultimate loneliness after failing to respond to someone's text.
Add some non-linearity, add some distinctions between characters, add some intrigue, and that'll already be a big help!

Short, not descriptive, and totally useless. Please don't post these stories to the website.

Hmm. Well, not aggressively terrible or anything, but this is just kind of...blah. There's no reason given to care about any of these people, the protagonist included. 'Sage and Dave are both texting you, who to reply to???' is not really much of a dilemma to hinge an entire story and the main character's entire fantasy of a future on when neither one of them get a role or even an explanation of who they are or what they're like.

I don't know, the whole thing just came off as kind of lazy, and the length of it didn't help.

*shakes head*

So... A boy you have a crush on asks you out and that means you're going to get married and have children and live happily ever after? Oh the innocence of the teenage mind. :p

Meh.
It was insanely short, and there were no real characters. Krishna was a generic friend, Daniel and Sage were literally the exact same person with different names with no personalities and the only choices were which name I liked (Sage's a cooler name). There wasn't really much romance, or much of anything, really. It was just one of those games that seems like a personal fantasy.
Also, "NM"? Is... should that be something I should know? God, I'm uncool.

I found it amusing how I left Krisha's house after I ingored the first text, went home the next morning and read my new texts, then somehow I left Krisha's house again.

This was incredibly short, and it was rather lazy recycling the same pages for either generic guy. There was no detail and no reason to like either of them. This comes off entirely as the author's own personal, generic fantasy rather than any kind of story proper.

I can understand the bad grammar and abbreviations in the text-speak, but you had actual dialogue that started with 'nm'. Seriously? I imagine you only did this for a quick laugh, but this is a writing site after all.