A Picnic Lunch

After I read this story, I had the urge to slam my head against a wall.

This storygame is just so illogical and weird, and it was completely random. This is what happens when you try to make a humorous game about murderous clowns, I suppose.

It's completely illogical, for example: how was someone able to pick out every sprinkle in my ice cream sundae and throw a bunch of dehydrated super bugs on it? More importantly, how did nobody notice?

The whole clowns thing was way too cliche and dumb, I mean, I can't tell you how many stories i've seen about murderous dolls and clowns and shit. If you'd actually had some character development and a plot better then eating lunch and surviving clown attacks, it might have been somewhat decent.

Also, I think someone might be able to notice dozens of clowns creeping up behind them, no?

1/8.

This can hardly be counted as a horror game. It doesn't set the mood at all, and the attempted scares fall about three lightyears from their mark.

Your writing is childish and unrefined and there are way, way too many grammar and spelling issues. You constantly mix up your and you're. It's really not that hard. Your for possession and you're for you are.

The plot is nearly nonexistent and completely absurd. The horror games that excel are ones that feel like they could really happen. They put the reader in the mind of the protagonist, feeling the events of the story as if they were really happening. This story doesn't at all do that.

Additionally, the choices offered are unrealistic as well. There was clearly much more effort put into the sunny area branch, and almost every path feels like it's incomplete and rushed.

I can't believe it, I've been turned into a CLOWN!

I-I'm just so confused...This story is so completely illogical that it's more like a weird dream than a story. Please try to make something better that follows an actual story.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Hmmm... Maybe if the story explained more about where and why the clowns and bugs coincide. Or do they coincide?

So at first, I thought you would need a personal editor. But after playing your game I realize you need a different kind of personal help. Also, why isn't there an option to join a terrorist group and kill the clowns? What the fuck guys. I really disliked this because ISIS was not apart of it. I think to help this story I would add ISIS (of course) I would also add some sonic OCs just saying.

Well it's exciting. I can't figure out how to make it as long as it says it is, I never make it far

Gah! There was NO WAY I was going to sacrifice the children. >:-(

I chose the sundae to keep it from melting! Grr.

really really bad :( 2/8