Christopher Columbus

This storygame is so bland and basic in its writing that it almost looks like the skeletal plan for a game which was going to be fleshed out and expanded upon later. Most pages have one line, and even the pages that do have a few lines (of which there aren’t many) feel somehow un-storylike. When you write a story I think it’s important that you write in such a way that makes the story feel vivid and immersive for the reader, which can be done by writing a detailed account of events and including lifelike character interaction and dialogue. The way this story was told made it feel like it was just some distant event and I couldn’t get invested or at all interested in that.

Well done for managing branching on some level. This story wasn’t as linear as others claimed, but it didn’t have loads of different paths. If you had actually written more than one line, then the branching could have made for a decent storygame. Just try to think about it from the reader’s point of view and that they might not enjoy something with a little writing in it. Because of how brief it all was, I wasn’t really sure which ending(s) was meant to be the best or different from the others.

I can’t really comment on the historical accuracy of the events portrayed in this story, but regardless, it really isn’t that educational because it lacks detail. Maybe some dates, some other historical figures, some background/detail on the places mentioned and a more in depth look at the events would be appreciated by those wanting to learn more about Columbus as well as spicing up your story.

You might have noticed a theme constant throughout this comment: write more. Pretty much everything that’s wrong with the story is lack of detail. It’s over far too quickly and doesn’t make the reader feel anything. It’s a good idea for a storygame and you show us that you can write well. Just a couple of paragraphs per page would have made an astronomical difference to the enjoyment and educational value for this storygame.

That was dumb.

You could basically choose the outcome, rather then a choice the leads to an outcome.

It needs to be more of a challenge with strategic choices, rather than just playing God.

More of a chore than an entertaining story.

This was a good game, I liked how you could choose what happened, but death scenes were very random.