In The Deep Of Night

A good stretch of this story proved quite linear, and some of the choices really had no bearing on the plot.

You spent an awful lot of words on the breakfast scene but nothing of importance to the story happened. While it was written well, it didn't add anything to the plot, it didn't develop any characters, and it didn't advance the story. I would have rather seen you use these words to work on more branching pathways or something else that advanced the actual story.

In places, I felt you feel into spats of over-writing, but overall, I thought the writing was generally pretty good.

It was evident that you put considerable thought and time into this. Though the story could have used more variation and substance on plot-focused pathways.

Interesting read and I'm on the fence about commending it.

There are some really good things about this story. Namely, the author is excellent at painting a picture and at evoking emotion. I loved the description of preparing a meal and I really felt like I understood the cabin intimately. I thought the setting was well established and more so, naturally established! It was rare to be introduced to a story set in the past so well. Additionally, the author put some effort into writing a good plot, but I'll talk more about that next.

That said, there were a few substantial distractors too. First and foremost, there were a number of very noticeable grammatical mistakes. I would recommend that the author spends more time proofreading their story, particularly with the intention of pruning for missing or extraneous commas and more generally, for flow. This story was also rather linear until the very end, where a number of similar endings were presented. My biggest gripe was with the plot. This felt like a run-of-the-mill horror film complete with the unimportant side character whose sole purpose is to fill in plot details and a very predictable twist (though it could have been worse).

Overall, this was an enjoyable read and I'm glad that it was published but I would urge the author to spend more time proofreading and to leverage the medium better.

The "The Missing Piece" ending was the only one that was good to me. The others were just too easy to see coming from a mile away. I think that the The Missing Piece path could be converted into a really good short story, though.

Linear, but the writing made up for it. I'd rather read something like this than a poorly-written time cave.

It is well written with a great atmosphere and even in the small descriptions of the village and church, it shows. However, flow is slow and heavy; it has barely choices and interactivity is null. In some places like the breakfast is pure verbose for the sake of verbose.

There is no character development or really any deep on it and the plot twist is simple to guess at the second page. This however expanded on with real branches could become a great terror story

It was very confusing to follow, but I loved the Sci-Fi part of it.

Wow this is good ! I sincerely think that it deserved a higher rating !

Awesome! When's Part 2 coming out?!

wow, great story line

The writing is stunning and the plot intriguing. Overall a great storygame