The Mall

It's not the best, obviously, but I feel like there was some obvious effort put into this storygame.

Obviously, you made an attempt, and putting effort in paid off pretty well. This was definitely not bad, but I wouldn't call it "good," either. The formatting is a bit annoying, and there's a very obvious drop in quality about halfway through. There's no rush to publish, make sure the quality doesn't spread thin when writing your storygames.

I guess it was funny at some points, but nothing really special in the humor. It was okay in that department I suppose.

This isn't the shortest storygame i've ever seen, but it could be longer. This storygame has a lot of potential, and felt more like a decent start to me then a whole storygame.

You did have some detail in here, but not enough. There just wasn't enough detail, not to flesh out the setting or the plot.

I'll also say this: you need to develop your characters a bit more so your readers can have an easier time putting themselves in the characters shoes, and so they can have an easier time feeling emotion for them.

3/8.

One of the few things I liked about this story was that it was long, had plenty of options, and there were points that it was funny. The part I didn't like was that it was to silly, no plot, and you kept making obscure references. It just felt underdeveloped. I know you were going for the "weird day at the mall" effect but it just fell short.

3/8

It was ok

I'll give it a 2 because I can skip the entire story to get an end game page unlike all the other shitty games.

Try too hard to be funny, in my opinion

Lol. And look! This is an ancient game from the beginning of time.

very cool ,yet dumb at the same time. Plenty of goofy humor. 30/10

Well, the way it was set up reminded me of the choose your own advetures me and my friends use to tell each other in 7th grade that never made sense.

Good. Good. Just needs to have that mueseum tho! 5/8

I got shot. Yay!