Wtf?

wow, how could you ever think this was good?

To add to my comment, let me just say that I just read Rommel's comment and he obviously doesn't know what he's talking about. He says that DEP or Endmaster could pull this off, but he's wrong. The truth is, they wouldn't TRY to pull this off because it's so bland and unoriginal. I've read this exact story like fifteen hundred times, from various authors. Also, when Rommel says not to start with Shock... well.. he then goes and advocates starting with violence. That's stupid. The only reason you'd want to start with violence is for the shock-factor. So starting with shock is fine, you just have to be able to write. You need to hone your skills, that's all :)

You know... death link on the first page is such an awesome story tool. I'm pretty sure that's basically the way it goes with good stories. The quick death link, the lack of plot, the absence of dynamic characters, the terrible grammar, the lack of plot, the absence of dynamic characters and even the lack of fucking plot. Why did you bother with this? Did you actually think it was any good? Come ON. Have you played ANY storygames on the site?

Okay. You need to put some thought into this. Seriously, writing a CYOA is in fact much harder than writing an actual story. If your story is missing something your CYOA will not work. So, to see if your idea has merit, ask yourself: would I read that story if it was in book format?

Humour is rarely a good starting point. Nor is shock. Only a few people here are capable of pulling this off (DEP and Endmaster). Violence is a better starting point. Try writing something incredibly, graphically, excitingly violent.

Finally, check your spelling, punctuation and grammar. It will give your work a look of professionalism, while bad presentation will make your work look like the shit of a particularly filthy shizno.

Although, if you're like most newcomers, this comment will have scared you off. I hope it doesnt.

"confuseing stuffs", taken straight from the front page. enough said about the effort.

Yeah, WTF is right. You know what? Usually I would try to be a nice guy and list everything wrong with a story in a helpful way. But not this time. Putting forth effort and creating a bad story is one thing, an EXCUSABLE thing. But stories generally have to follow the grammar rules you learn in the first grade. This didn't even go that far. 1/8

AWSOME NESSS