A Jail Cell
Mystery / Puzzle
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played times (finished )
"walk in the park"
"Make sure not to blink"
"choking hazard for children under 4"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 6. To compare to the movie rating system, this would be G.
My first story. It's very short, and don't expect it to be very good. Can you make it?
There's no context. You're just thrown into this cell, and have to get out. A lot of it is pretty realistic, like searching the ground of your tiny square cell and finding nothing for ages, then clicking search a few more times and finding a bloody bomb. Like how did the main character miss the bomb the first scan around the room!?
Also, while your grammar is good, some of your wording is just straight up weird. 'despite the brittle demeanor of the stone...'
All in all, if you put more effort into making a puzzle game I'm sure you could make a good one.
on 6/6/2017 7:52:25 AM
What was the point?
on 4/13/2017 12:30:09 PM
Short as it was, the game was quite enjoyable, compared to other games I have seen recently, the grammar wasn't all that bad and the premise was a good one, the only things that bothered me is that it's too short, the descriptions all around feel very mechanical, emotionless, really. And last, we lack a general backstory of both the character and the jail itself.
1) The grammar, was ok compared to what I have seen on other recent storygames, it isn't great, but it is something that you can write a storygame with, however, that does not mean that you should not try to improve.
2) The escape from jail, or rather maybe from a abandoned jail cell? Either way, the general premise is one that I enjoy and I would've enjoyed it even more if there were more puzzles, or choosing from trying to sneak-escape from the jail, or organizing a massive escape attempt with the rest of the prisoners.
3) It's too short, there's no way out of this. This game is too short to give a player any sort of long term enjoyment. I mean, they will enjoy this for a moment, but since it was so short(and so easy) that feeling of triumph will quickly vanish, please try to make games like these longer.
4) When I read the first page, then the rest of the game, it felt like a machine wrote the game not a human being with emotions and while that isn't very bad, it helps if you add emotions to both your story and your characters.
5) What I would've absolutely loved to see is the backstory of the character and how he got in this seemingly abandoned jail cell in the first place. Was he falsely accused? Was he actually a criminal? And I would've loved to see a general backstory of the jail/jail cell itself since it seemed like it was abandoned. I mean, is this jail abandoned? And if so, why is our character in there? Too many question and no answers.
On short, I've actually enjoyed it enough to see my character get through to the good end(I'm ashamed to say that I have died twice) and though it has a few major problems, it is actually a game worth your time... especially since it is so short in the first place.
I give this a 4/8 and I hope that I see even better games from you in the future!
on 3/3/2017 2:46:07 PM
To short. Where are the popo?
on 12/20/2016 7:06:40 PM
too easy to escape, no story as to why you are in the cell, you need more details.
on 11/23/2016 2:35:46 PM
on 10/16/2016 6:52:30 PM
Its needs more options. Good for a first story
-- Shu on 9/5/2016 12:35:23 PM
Short. Dumb makes you loose
-- Jeff on 9/5/2016 12:30:35 PM
I think the only reason I escaped was because I have common sense.
on 8/9/2016 4:59:34 PM
"You have died!" :D Yay!
on 7/11/2016 9:22:20 PM
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