Player Comments on A Night Out

I enjoyed the story and its originality as well as the clown at the end. I felt like the story was too short and I thought it could definitely use some more detail and explanation as to where the gun came from. Some of the choices were a little unclear but for the most part the story was enjoyable. Good work!

Lots of showing rather than telling, and a weird tense change in scene 1, but fast-paced, easy to read, lots of endings.

This story has some potential. It need some polishing up with correcting grammar issues where you switch perspectives a couple of times and some spelling errors, also you give too much detail in some places and not nearly enough in others like giving the full name of the theater but no mention of what movie you saw? there were lots of choices and things that happen that just wouldn't happen in real life, i.e. there's a killer on the loose so lets walk to the pizza parlor! does this story take place in the same universe as Scooby-Doo? Because they are the only ones I know that would do that. Anyway it's not all bad you have a good premise and a good sense of moving the plot along your execution just needs some help. Please don't give up writing you do have potential.

Well theres a lot of good aspects to this story but more bad then good. I enjoyed parts, but I found the way you transitioned from part to part abrupt. Such as, "The movie starts." And then, "After the movie ends." Right after. A little more detail would have been nice, and the plot was fine, but another thing I noticed was the start. The very very start. I found it as a bad way to kick the story off, but this story has potential.

This started out okay, being honest. As soon as I started reading I could tell that there was a bit of talent hidden behind the words, though as the story progressed I was a bit disappointed. The amount of plot in this storygame was mediocre for a story like this though you could have done so much better. The concept was great, the execution was bad. Overall, it wasn't that bad, but you could do better.