Player Comments on A Not So Fun Adventure..

Darn it, a mod deleted your immature comment, Drew. Well, it used to be there, so I was not referring to BigRonn in my previous comment.

(I'm going to comment regardless of how many hours this has until it is unpublished.)
Based on your comment where you acted like an angry 12 year old boy (which I believe you are), I had to comment before this becomes unpublished. I did read the title. In fact, it is nearly impossible to play a storygame without reading the title, for the title is what displays on the front page. Therefore, in order to notice that a new (and more often than not horrible) storygame has been created, we would have to read the title.

*The First Page*
Well, you immediately establish that you don't give a damn about your own game. There are immensely more effective ways in which you could have parodied the intro. By taking away information from the reader, you are robbing them of details. Additionally, immediately breaking the fourth wall is a very ineffective way to start anything. It would be much more effective to have the reader engaged in the plot and character before you break the fourth wall. Finally, I never heard of a "god sake" before. Since a sake is an alcoholic beverage made from rice, perhaps you are offering me some sake (made from the god company) to drink.

*Option 2*
It's only two sentences. Oh boy, what an info dump... I never knew the medieval times were a long time ago. I thought that time period was when Star Trek took place. Oh well, I learn something knew everyday. Also, what is a "No Choose Me!!!!"? I am rather confused, since "no" should have a comma behind it. Instead, it has nothing. Perhaps that is a persons name. No from the (in)famous Me!!!! family. Maybe he is Dr. No from James Bond. Yes, this must be Dr. No! I had better click on that one so I can share my sake with Sean Connery.

*No Choose Me!!!!*
Danm it! I don't see Sean Connery anywhere. In fact, I don't see much of anything, for you apparently decided to stop trying after writing for less than an hour. I also don't see many periods. Technically, this is a giant run-on sentence. Your English teacher would cry if she sees this. At least you say "the end". The "End Game and Leave Comments" link clearly wouldn't cue me into the fact that I am at the end.

Finally, you owe me a bottle of sake and an autograph from Sean Connery.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUUUUUUUU? Was only 5 pages and seemed like you were only making fun of the fantasy choose your own adventure genre and not in a good way. Yeah don't quit your day job, unless your day job is writing then pleeeeease spare us and quit. I'm sure the only person who thought this story was "cute" was you.

Haha that didn't come out quite as I meant it to :D I meant RATHER than waste your time writing rubbish why not write something good? :D

Thanks for the free point. If you're going to waste your time writing why not at least write something good? :)

You're right, it wasn't fun.