A Soldier's Wish

Player Rating4.21/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 27 ratings since 03/19/2017
played 120 times (finished 30)

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

Tags

Live through the eyes of a fallen soldier on the battlefield. See what his final wish is, and what memories were important enough for him to recall at the end.

This is my first story game, so sorry if it's not good, and constructive criticism is appreciated! Thank you very much!

Note: This is very short, as I was advised to start small. 

Player Comments

As a storygame in and of itself, the game's extremely lacking in content and choices, but as you've said yourself, you decided to start small. Although I don't like items it's one of the few OK uses I've seen of them, so well done on that. The biggest issue here is lack of content, which when the reader's biggest complaint is that there's not enough is definitely a plus.

The writing was good and you managed to get across at least some emotion with only a few words, plus you actually seem to have a basic understanding of writing. You show a lot more potential than most of the site trash, so congratulations. In future, I'd really recommending taking on a bigger project and really tearing into it, because I think you definitely have the ability to do so.

So all in all, welcome to CYS, I'm looking forward to read more of your work and seeing what you can do with a proper story. Well done and I hope you stick around.
-- Steve24833 on 3/20/2017 7:32:18 PM with a score of 0
I loved it so much I cried at the end??
-- Mikys on 3/24/2017 12:32:27 AM with a score of 0
That was good. I did enjoy the picking up of emotional objects - that's what got me really into it. Looking forward to your future masterpieces.
-- Galootius on 3/22/2017 5:41:42 PM with a score of 0
(I was typing a longer review but it accidentally submitted while I was in the middle of things, ergo this follow up.)

This was the right way to get into storygames, and you used items in a meaningful way, while allowing for a case in which the player didn't even pick them (if they so chose).

The tone (your fate was set the moment..) was a tad ham handed, but still true to your vision. With time you'll want to move into more shades of grey, such as writing something on the lines of 'your fate, and those around you was set the moment you joined. Many will never return from the battlefield, and those that remain will never be the same.' By removing the finality of one death, and projecting the issues of war onto others you expand the scope of the work, and give the reader more to think about.

In all, I look forward to more stories from your mind.
-- StrykerL on 3/20/2017 8:50:28 AM with a score of 0
Well played. Brevity worked in this one's favor. Not to sound trite, but this was a one (admittedly elegant) trick pony. To received a higher rating, you would need to pull off more than a dozen of these. At that point, you'd have a story that would stay with a reader in the longer run. Great start, build more.
-- StrykerL on 3/20/2017 8:38:41 AM with a score of 0
Well done.
-- Ford on 3/20/2017 3:49:07 AM with a score of 0
The edits helped, and I really enjoyed this.

Well, 'enjoyed' is maybe not the right word, it's a little depressing. But you're a skilled enough writer to keep from going completely over the top with it. You may get complaints about the end, but considering the subject matter I'm not sure where else it would have gone.

Minor typo:
'You were hoping for the latter, but new the first was true.'

Anyhow, well done, and with this as your first effort I really look forward to what's to come.
-- mizal on 3/19/2017 6:06:29 PM with a score of 0
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