Player Comments on Addition

Interesting setup for this story. It sounds like it will be fun: but that was sure a rough start! I like the descriptions on the first page – they are a little factual, but since the story is first person, that makes sense. I like that I’ve got clear choices on the first page. It was pretty clear that one option wasn’t going to work. I’m not sure the other options are actually much of a choice, though. I like that there are different choices, but did they have any effect on the story? It appears that no matter which choice I take, I still end up in 6th period with no differences.

I’m not against choices that eventually lead back to a bottleneck, but those are much more effective when the paths that lead back to the bottleneck have an effect. In this case, for example, running to the teacher might get your backpack back, and that gives you an additional option when you’re in math class or something like that. That appears to happen again with the teacher, but maybe there’s effects that I just can’t see going on.

I did like the various options and places the story took me. I liked the different settings and physical places to go, too. There were a number of dead-ends, but that’s good because many of them were at least a little obvious, too. Very well done!

Good story, but a bit too easy. 5/8

This was actually a pretty good story. I enjoyed it. It was paced well, and wasn’t too short. 6/8

This made me cry

It wasn't bad, but it could be better if it was more exciting, like the main character performed in public and was sorta socially awkward,idk.

This was actually a pretty nice story if I might say so myself! I'm not usually a fan of school-based stories, so that's a bit surprising in and of itself.

The writing was good, at least I didn't notice any mistakes while I was reading and actually quite fun to read through.

It was a bit shorter than I wished it to be, but hey, you can't drag a story on forever.

Overall, it was actually a really fun read, thank you!

It ended way to fast.

Good job! This is just an inspiring story overall!

The game feels that no matter what you pick it has the same ending, for example you will win the talent show and you have to go to the gym after going to ice cream shop and the park.

Absolutely wonderful. A great message and fun to play.

:) This is truly inspirational, a wonderful message. It is awesome. This should get 8 because it is enlightening.

This was awsome I got the best ending
I totally "never" had to restart to get it. ;)

This is so AMAZING! I got the best ending on my first try. Anyways, this story has a lot of creativity and inspiration. Thank you SO much for making this.

But now I'm going to talk about the stuff you should approve. I like how there's at least 2 choices per page. But you should make the story slightly longer. That would make so many other people rate this highly. Apart from that, no grammar mistakes I can spot and a unique story. ^_^
7/8

This is really good

This was downright inspirational, not saying I’m deppressed or anything, but the message of this was clear’things get worse before they get better.’
While it may sound depressing as hell,(Which I Thought At First)
you need to put a positive spin on it and be positive, cause people normally focus on the negative.

This wasn’t like a long story with op description or amazing item use, but it hit its mark and used something a lot of story’s don’t have.The message.It seems the whole point of this story was to put a positive message to anyone out there willing to take a peek.

I find it interesting how you did it for I’m guessing that reason only, admirable really,Especially if we have a depressed guy who’s down on his luck drinking imaginary beer and scrolling this site to take his mind off his problems.

An interesting way to send a message other than a spammy forum chat,5/8 for the message and the messenger?(I’m pretty sure that’s a quote)

Short but worth it... 8/8 :)

this book was really funny and easy to read.

I feel like this story was going somewhere and really picking up, I was loving it! And then it abruptly ended, i feel that if more was added on to this it could be a great story instead of an okay one. I give it a 4.

It needs to be longer

I rate it six! I really did enjoy this story and it's principles and morals. It was well written (save for multiple grammatical errors), and, in my opinion, deserves a better rank!

I thoroughly enjoyed the lecture we were given, as it made perfect sense, as well as feeling a bit personal for me as well. It was really great with the talent show bit, which added more than just the school feeling that most school-related stories have (To elaborate on 'school feeling', I mean as in the boring details of going through every class before anything interesting happens, and even then, it's written just as dull). I recommend a revision on the grammar, which really was the only issue with this story. Other than that, It's great! I can't wait to see more of your works, Minnie!

Not bad. I played this a couple of times and got different results.

This is the best story I've read so far. This is amazing keep it up! I rated it 9.

The story was fine, but you used some weird ways to represent things, such as saying, "The anger started in my toes then went up to my head." The grammar was also poor throughout. Fix these and you will have a halfway decent short story.

A great short story!

I like the moral behind all of this, and I liked that it was all because of the m554 tea4455 ( numbers block off spoilers )

Great story!

There were quite a number of spelling and grammar mistakes. The story itself was pretty good. I can tell you are improving so keep it up.

Cute and well written, but the math is off.

Will already said it, but your writing has improved noticeably since you started here. I'm still spotting typos, so closer proofreading is needed (put your brother to work), and you still have the issues with your dialogue tags, but this was a fun little story with a point and a plot. A good addition to the School Based category where those things can be kind of rare.

I must say that I rather enjoyed this.

Fantastic job, MinnieKing! ^^

Ah brothers, our sole purpose in life is to annoy our sisters :D Your writing is definitely getting better: this was a very good story and a good moral tale though I'm not certain that winning a talent show is a cure for bullying (I rather imagine it would intensify out of jealousy) but this is good. You are producing a lot of stories lately and they are getting better all the time so I'm looking forward to seeing your next story :)

it was really good

Everyone let me clarify: The comment by "GhostBusters" is a fake comment written by my brother from one of my devices. Please understand that this was not me, and I would never write a fake message. I checked the history on my device, and found he is the one who wrote a comment on my story called "Conned" as someone named "Guest."

Eh, sorry m8, but this was not good. just finished a story written by a dude called endmaster, and compared to that story this one is horrible. I also read your other stories and they aren't good either. It's obvious you r learning nothing about writing m8, you should just give up and stick to reading.