Player Comments on Archangel

The game was amazing and became even better when I realized that this was your first story in general. The length was perfect not to long to bore anyone, and not to short to not even get hooked. The writing is an important part of if a story is going to succeed and do well on this site or not be worth it. And you defiantly have a beautiful writing style. The story was so immersive, and so real just because of how beautiful and powerful your writing style is.
The story was mostly realistic and not wild. If a post-apocalyptic Ebola zombie virus ever happen I wouldn’t be shocked if something like this didn’t happen. Part of it was a bit farfetched though, some of the things that happened where a bit coincidental. And to many coincidences, can lead to someone lowering their rating. So, the next time you work on a story, work on that.
Your grammar for the most part was really good you had a few grammatical mistakes. When it comes to grammar I can’t criticize. I myself am not good with grammar and spelling so I will lay off on that. There was one thing though your ending scene title was spelled wrong. You can’t mess up spelling on those type of things, because it is really, really noticeable.
Now about the semi controversial fact that you added Christian parts to this story, I don’t think there is any problem with it. I am Christian, so I am biased, and I admit it. But the title is archangel nobody who reads the story can get mad because the title implies that it has Christian elements added into it.
The story had some humor in it and was a little funny amidst all of the violence and horror which was a good touch. I like how you somehow fit god into a horror story. And I can’t believe you spent 8 hours on this very impressive.
Lastly next time you write something like this add more choices, I understand that this is more of a emotional story type story game but a piece of advice there isn’t any such thing as too many stories.

Very good for a first storygame. Unfortunately, my comment will simply repeat what others have said, but these things bear repeating, so here we go.
No. 1: The religious elements. Absolutely, 100% support them. Regardless of my personal views, this site has games with magic, star wars, zombies, and talking animals, so "credibility" or any such argument is moot. Additionally, with a title like "Archangel," it's pretty clear that the story will at least have a religious subtheme. I support the religious aspects in this game, and if there is to be a sequel (as I hope there will be), I hope that it would be maintained.
No. 2: As some people have said, this story is a little railroaded at present. I would recommend something more like a "3 strikes system": each time the player makes a "less-than-ideal" choice, describe them as getting wounded in some way. After the third bad idea, the player actually dies. (Note: 3 is a good number, but not essential. you can have a 2 strikes or 12 strikes system and have it still be effective, but the most important thing is for the number of strikes to add a sense of consequence, without being overly restrictive.)
No. 3: You have a really, really good writing style. Your story starts out as more descriptive, with lots of minor details present, then begins to drop details as the pace of the story and the action begin to pick up.
Long story short: The story is really well written, you just need a little more help with the "game" aspect, to make this (or its sequel) as good as it can be. Well done overall, though, and I'm looking forward to the next one!

This was a good storygame. It was linear but it was more story driven than most. I liked that you didn't rush into the action and gave the readers some solid set up / backstory before getting to the main action. Pretty cool fight towards the end.

There was also a nice twist on a genre/theme that is overused, both on this website and in general.

The writing could have done with more time being spent on it, maybe a little more detailed and more proofreading. I did see your reason for not spending ages on this and that's fine, but maybe more detail would be good for your future stories.

Bravo!

It is well written and a good pace, however, it is so damn linear and with plain characters. One branch seems to be the preferred one by the author and it shows. Overall, good writing but not really a choice fill game.

I am impressed, and shocked that this is the 1st story the author has ever written. It did lack in choices, but, the content made up for the loss.
The story moved at a decent rate, and kept me engaged. The action was to the point, but detailed enough successfully create an image in my mind of the scenes, and events that took place. I did not wander in thought, and every time I got to an end, I would start over and read for the next option. This is very unlike me. I read every option available and they were all worth the effort to read.
On a personal note, I have a fondness for the Arch's. The use of my favorite Arch was subtle but still powerful enough to generate a hopeful theme to the story. The Arch was depicted perfectly; just as one blessed to be visited may have seen or heard him. I was taken aback by how similar the description was to what is reported in reality. I look forward to reading what this author will write next.

Holy... shit.... that was amazing.

Game was a lot of fun. I like how the title tells, kinda offhandedly, what the story offers. Great job! I'm sure this story can get a perfect rating with just a few more choices.

This is a good first effort. I hope you decide to write more, because I did like your writing style. The story, unfortunately, is very linear. If you stray from the path, you die. In the future, consider branching paths. Instead of all three options outside the store leading to the guy knocking you out, have your story split. What happens if you try going straight after Stephanie? Will you be more successful with supplies from the vehicles? You have great potential with your storytelling, and I hope you continue and grow in your abilities.

What happen to his leg?

Really, really great for a first story. Keep writing. :)

It reminded me of the novel Cell by Stephen King at first, but then the angels differentiated it. I didn't hate it, but it seemed like it was stuck between a zombie apocalypse and a supernatural thriller, like it didn't know what it was. Also it seems kind of weird that you can still die even after the Archangel Michael said he'd be with you, lol. Not bad for a first story, though.

Good story. It would have been more interesting with more branching and different possible epilogues.

I didn't really like it because all I have done so far is die. I need help. I'm stuck on the part where you have to break the window, and I don't have a lot more patience for this game.

Enjoyable. Wish I had lasted longer! Haha!

Every single option leads to death? There was no way out of the building... I guess the game glitched.

One of the best stories I have ever read!!! I am a Christian so I love how you incorporated God and Angels in the story, please make more!!!

very well written especially for a first time! Please continue to write, you'll only get better!

Thank you for writing this. It was nice to play someone unique. Nice short story. RAK AMMAT CHAZAK!

More a feel good story than a game

I'm an atheist but I still like the story.

This is really good, I strongly encourage you to write more, you have lots of potential. Also, I like the religious aspect of it. Not many have that and the over all story is cool.

Pretty Nice game! Im no publisher but i would make that a short story :D

This story was wonderful. You got good writing skils. 7/8. I got an account but too lazy to log in.

I won't comment on the religious part but the story itself was okay. It was linear and easy, but tjere was an actual sense of emergency. Although I was left wanting more, in a good way. Good story and deserves a solid 5.

good story. Make more.

This brought tears to my eyes, it's that good.

Kiel's comment rings true. I wouldn't say that ALL beliefs have been referred to in stories here, but a lot have, and it certainly isn't a problem to write faith-fueled stories, especially if they're written well.

Also, this being written in 8 hours is an impressive feat in and of itself. So congrats, and I hope you write more. 5/8

xD Proof that even more experienced writers can have off days ... my comment's horrible format. Still, the points in it stand.

*your comment, so that people who don't check the comments section could see

I'm totally supportive about a sequel to this! I'd play it if it came out.

Agreed about the religious stuff.

Also, just a quick notice, you could add this comment to the description of your storygame, just saying.

Hey guys, I just wanted to thank everyone for reading!! I am sincerely blown away by how many people actually played the game, rated, and commented! Seriously, it means a lot to me. I am so thankful for all comments, whether positive or negative, however I just wanted to comment, myself.
I realize that it is not "cool" nowadays to be a Christian. I also realize that not everyone on this site is a Christian...I find it to be the opposite, that most of y'all are non-Christians and guess what...that is OK!!! I don't care what religion you are! I'm not going to chastise you for having different beliefs to mine.
That being said, I am not forcing you to read my story. I am not forcing my faith on you, I am simply professing it by way of a story. And if you don't like that, then just don't read it :) Because regardless of if my faith offends you or not, I am going to include it in my story because, well...it's my story.
So again, if you don't like the religious aspect, that's fine, I won't get mad if you rate my story poorly or if you don't read it at all. Differences in faith are ok with me :)
On another note, wow, again, thank you to everyone who read this, it makes me very happy to see.
To everyone hoping there is a continuation to the story, I think I could go ahead and make a sequel. Hopefully I could make the next one a little bit longer and more in depth. And to the person who didn't like the lines in between, I can work on that for you. I will be more descriptive of each character and dive a bit more into their backgrounds and also explain how the Ebola virus did mutate into this zombie defect.
I wasn't planning on making a sequel, but since a few of you asked for a new one, I would be delighted to delve in a little deeper.

Again, thank you to EVERYONE who commented, I read each and every one of them :)
Thanks guys, see you next time!

God Bless,
Archangel48

This game was great and all, except for the religious mentions. That was annoying.

I am not religious at all and I still think this game is very good. Well written and not a too shabby storyline either.

You guys need to stop whining about religion. Not everyone is going to tailor to your faith, and whoever wrote this certainly shouldn't be bitched at because it's "different" from your views.

It isn't annoying. It's life. Get the fuck over it.

This is really good for your first game, but the religious aspect was annoying. 6/8

This is really touching. I would highly recommend it to anyone. 7/8.

I would have given it 8, but I didn't like all the gaps between sentences. Also, some images for your items would be nice.

I look forward to your next story!!!!

Positives: Good Storyline, Plot, & Buildup (even though ye could've been a bit more descriptive, like how the Ebola Virus makes a person become a zombie like in the Resident Evil Series especially when the ACTUAL Ebola Virus DOES NOT do that), & gave the reader a descriptive background of who the two Archangels identities are).

Negatives: Story is WAY TOO RELIGIOUS (not all of us readers are Christ Followers & ye as the writer should take that into consideration instead of forcing it upon us readers), too short for such an intense Storyline (would've been far better to have been atleast double the length & would have felt more complete: it feels like the who time between finding your wife Stephanie to the point where ye wake up in a bed, which I can only assume is a hospital bed, is completely missing & it is crucial to the story that we as readers experience that lost time to get the full feel for the story & a sense of accomplishment), & only a couple paths in the story which DID NOT lead to death which makes it feel more linear than actually giving us a choice in how to advance in the story on our own.

Overall: Great Story & one that anyone interested in Survival Horror would love. Ye had good grammar, spelling, & word use. I would very much like to see this adventure continue for I personally feel ye could make a grand adventure out of it. Great Start.

Great story

Okay... I actually made it through the whole game...

That was an incredible experience! I-I... I'm speechless. Although that was short, and there were not that many paths to take... that was one of the best games I've played in a long while. You did a fantastic job.

Keep writing... keep writing.

Awesome! Ebola! I want it to spread and take over the world. Muahaha!

But anyways. Your writing was nice, although I feel it could have done much better. The game could also use a bit more detail, to try and immerse the readers into the game. I like that you actually spent time into making this game. Keep up the good work, and:

Keep writing!