Player Comments on choices of death

This was a terrible story. No description, short and it usually ends in you death. I don't recommend this to anyone.

Needs more story

Haha... Fuck you... Haha... Bitch

For a game called "Choices of Death" you sure drag out the damn process. Why don't you put a death link on the first page and get it over with so I don't have to put up with your terrible, incoherent story?

8/8 m8

Rubbish. No background info is given and no scenes are described. Making a choice is nothing more than guess work. No fun to read as no effort has been made.

This hurt my eyes. Perhaps "Ocular Rape" would be a better name for it.

If you are writing this for your own enjoyment, then fine. But if this is meant to be read and appreciated by others, I don't know what you were thinking.

It's way too short to be enjoyable. You don't get time to learn anything meaningful about the characters, world or plot of this story. You really need to write pages that are more than a couple of lines, or the reader feels nothing. This comment that I'm writing has more writing than your game.

And why does such a short game need a sequel? Usually, even when storygames are long, it often makes more sense to put them together into a bigger storygame. With the minuscule length of this one, you have no excuse.

With so few words written, I don't know how you managed to have spelling/punctuation errors and incoherent writing. It shouldn't take more than three minutes to check. Or just get somebody else to take a look for you.

On top of all that there is no plot. So little happens that you can barely call this a story, and the end is hardly a cliffhanger when you don't let the player get attached to anything because you've written barely ten lines.

I'm going to go look at your sequel now and hope it's better than this. All it takes to make a decent storygame is some effort and time.

... Well I've learnt a valuable lesson. I shall never open my door again. ^_^

This isn't even a story game. Grammar and punctuation was terrible, and the story had no plot, no information, no nothing! This was short, hardly described and completely random. None of the events matched each other.

Firstly grammar and punctuation. You had no punctuation or grammar throughout and absolutely nothing that established each sentence. I was basically words strived together and left like that.

Secondly, you only had one poorly written sentence per page that didn't explain anything. Where was the information? The background story? Why is this shadowy figure trying to kill you? There was nothing to tell me what was going on.

Your story was very short. It took me literally 5 seconds to play, and I was only able to choose two or three choices before it ended. Most of your links led to complete dead ends. My phone died, so what? Why did the game have to end? The game was completely linear with only one way to get through the whole 'story', if that's what you would call this.

I really don't think you should make a second story of this. If it is anything like this one, you will just be adding another terrible story to this website. If you really want to make a story game, put some actual effort in it. This had absolutely no effort and I could have made this in 5 minutes. Seriously. 1/8.

haha best game ever 10/10

One page was added. One page. ONE FUCKING PAGE! This is still bad, and I don't know how hard it is to spell sequel right. In fact, I'm not sure how this can get a sequel. Freddy, you have the most atrocious grammar I have ever seen. This can barely be called a story, considering the story is non-existent. Next time you write a story, try something to make it better, like not writing it.

Single path, terribly short, non-descriptive (like how you somehow die when trying to call the police).

Just terrible.
Add some thorough description and a lot more non-death choices.

its awesome now

This story is clearly not finished. There is one dead end link, and the only links available are unsatisfactory. This is not a story I would want to play, it seems almost lazy, grammar included.

Freddy, you should know better! This game could have been something at least a little decent, but now I have no hope that you can write anything. This is worse than anything I've ever seen on the site (Other than Cross-breeding). 1/8.

There is no way to win, really. The game is very short and unengaging, not to mention that all of the endings are very abrupt. 1/8.

Not sure if this is a troll game or not, but I'll continue assuming that this was the product of several hard, gruelling hours of work. Looking at your profile, it looks as if you have been a member of the community for at least a couple of months. Honestly, this story really wasn't very good. Firstly, there was no real plot. When writing a story, ask yourself questions about what is going on, like a reader would. Sometimes the issue is that while you may have the ideas in your head, you have problems translating this to text and getting the message across to the reader. Even if in your mind you know what's going on, anyone who tries to read the story without knowing your line of thought is utterly lost. You can test this by getting a friend to read over your story and asking you questions and asking you to explain things.
Another issue with the story is that there is only one path that leads to a relatively happy ending. I agree that it can sometimes be challenging to come up with multiple paths that are both interesting and true to the story, but in this case you haven't even tried. You could brainstorm a list of possible endings and pick a couple to flesh out, because since this is a 'choose your story' site the main point really is to have several options, all leading to a satisfactory end.
On another note, this story seems unfinished. When your story is in the editor, you can click on the title to play the story game and view it as anyone else would. Try to go through all possible paths (in this case, only about four pages) and make sure there are no broken links or unfinished pages.
I'm rating this 1/8, because the story was incredibly short and there were no real options.

This is garbage.

That was the worst game i have ever read. Even Warrier Katz was better do you agree @insanebutvain