Player Comments on Conned

This is a fun story. Never mind the complaints about things that can’t happen – it’s a story. Sure, it is nice to make things really consistent, but that can’t always be the case. The author might adjust a couple things for reality, but still, it worked well enough for me.

I liked the idea of this story. I liked the path of the story and the story arc. Sure there’s not tons (read: any) character development, but a story can work without all that. In this case I really like all the different paths. There appear to be a great many choices that all have an effect on the story and lead out and off in different directions. It is short, so I was able to find a number of different possible endings, even if some were quite silly.

My biggest suggestion would be to work to improve the descriptions throughout the story – on each and every page. This is a neat, fun story that could be so much more! If the story completely remained the same, but every page had 300-500 words added that helped set and describe the scene, I think that would be a huge improvement. The reader could really be drawn more into the story with descriptions of the car, the road, the carjacker, and more!

There were some quick deadends and a few places where the choices didn’t make sense, but overall I enjoyed this story and the options. I would encourage the author to continue writing and sharing stories with more details and more descriptions.

So, whether I start walking or call, someone just immediately shows up within two minutes, who shows up knowing who I am even if I haven't called him. 911 doesn't work, just "BECAUSE". You're not allowed to do that. That's not how games work. He's some how able to steal my car in the time it takes for me to turn slightly, which is just stupid. The van breaks down in seconds even though it managed to drive at least the three miles out to me. In the time it takes for me to notice the engine's on fire, it fuses the door metal together. Ridiculous. Mickey can distinguish my car from dozens of others. He's able to trace his credit card... to find out where... what? How can he trace a credit card? What technology does he have in that computer? That's not how anything works. Credit Card's don't have GPS. Then, apparently if I didn't take some pretzels from my car, I starve to death. That's just wrong. Also, why the fuck is Mickey unwilling to help me get my car back unless I give him twenty dollars, but willing to lend me his delivery truck? Why? There's just a car of... abandoned poison bottles? For some reason? OK then.

I toss toxic liquids at some guards, seemingly killing them. Why the fuck am I willing to murder two people to get my truck back? I don't even try to talk to them! Guards are willing to murder me for... trespassing? Murder's a serious crime to protect a truck thief. Then, the law gets my car! Even though they didn't earlier. This is the most bullshit ending possible. It's like if throughout a movie a guy trying to get home had a teleporter that just didn't work, then at the end it just works. Fuck off, that's why. This is just stupid. The game makes no logical sense, and is just ridiculous to an extreme.

There of the immediate choices lead me absolutely no where, so they just shouldn't be there. Call 911 leads to you just saying "No, doesn't work. It would in real life, but eh." "Cry" leads to no where, and "Jump off a cliff" just gives me nothing. These choices just shouldn't be here. Although there's many links, there's not really many choices. The choice to "Cry", or "Look outside", if these choices are ridiculous or lead to a single line before forcing me to pick something else, aren't choices. Choices should lead to branching out. Having three rooms to check, and the story only progresses if I check room 2, that's not a choice.

Good storygame, though a bit linear and short. The writing was good, though the amount of detail could be improved on. The characters were pretty bland, more character development would've been appreciated. The spelling and grammar were decent, I didn't find many mistakes. You understand the basics of items and utilize them pretty well, though you could've given more emphasis to obtain the two items in the start, such as "I can't remember if I left something in the backseat." This way, you give the reader incentive to check the backseat.

There's not enough details to tell the reader which choice is okay and which one is not. For example, when the character needed to steal money, all that is told about the situation is who is being robbed and what your robbing from, nothing more. Better details would've been: "You see a purse on a table. Scanning the restaurant, you see a woman who appears to be talking to some friends, with nothing on her. You see a man with a wallet in his back-pocket, with a beer in his hand. You see a wallet on a table. Looking throughout the restaurant, you see nobody standing except the woman." The woman could finish her conversation at any point, turn around, and catch you in the act. The man is drunk, allowing you to easily pickpocket him. The person with the wallet is nowhere to be seen, allowing you to easily steal their money. Now, this scenario gives the reader enough information for them to make a logical decision.

Overall, you have potential to create a great storygame if you put in the time and effort to expand the length and allow the story to branch off in different paths. 5/8, I'm looking forward to your next storygame!

Really good in all honesty. The concept is unique and kept me interested.

i like the moraks here

An enjoyable storygame overall which doesn't just end in two minutes. I'm a bit confused how that old man was able to drive off in my car, even though the game just told me I have no gas. The burning scene was a nice touch, too.

Some of the choices were pretty funny (like attacking the cashier, that was hilarious). It did seem a bit random at times, and sometimes you stuck comments in the game which broke immersion, but it's still a nice bit of fun.

Oh, and stealing a McDonalds truck hardly qualifies as everlasting guilt. It's McDonalds, they can handle it.

I enjoyed playing it

(Congrats you won... Sort of. I mean, now your character lives with everlasting guilt but hey, you keep the truck.)

:D
first try

I love the use of tools in this story. Although, are all of them necessary? It would've been great if some things were a bit clearer, like the thief's motive. But overall, this story was well written and clever.

Well I enjoyed this story, but I found it a bit repetitive to your last story... It's the exact same plot, adventuring, get hungry, must have food, win game... It's repetitive, and you have a lot of potential to write something 8/8, but this just didn't hit that point. Although, I do admire your determination and you do have good writing skills, just add more detail and originality, and you'll make one seriously epic story game.

Some choices and events were a little preposterous and there were some really noticeable spelling and grammar mistakes. Very linear and a bit simplistic. Not the worst story on this site but I feel it could be better.