Player Comments on Dragon's Creed (Part One)

The setup starts out nice. It sounds like there is great potential for a story here about a family of dragons needing to survive. It sounds like great options for the reader to decide whether or not you will have a family and prosper in peace with the dangerous humans; or you will go to battle and start a long war of generations between the humans and dragonkind. It sounds like there will be a rich story where making the wrong choices as you ponder the future of the world, humans, and dragons may end up with your death and the complete extinction of your very kind!

Unfortunately, that’s not what actually happens.

Instead, there are only 839 words in this story, and a number of them are not actually spelled correctly. And there are some choices in the story, which is really nice for a story on this site, but I don’t think any of the choices actually make any difference to the story at all. For example, you can choose your name, but that doesn’t appear to matter anywhere else. You get to choose what to hunt, but either way you get your food and take a nap. And in a strange twist, you follow the scent of humans or you can ignore the scent and fly away; but either way, while you’re flying, you discover the remains of your mom…shot by a gun? Of course, I’m not really sure how you know that’s your mom, or why you discovered her while you were following the scent of humans, but you get the idea.

This is a nice attempt at a story. It’s a great idea and it’s nice to see choices instead of just a novel. But this really could use quite a bit of work to make it into a quality story for this site. I’d suggest you make the choices actually have an effect: maybe if you choose to hunt deer you might be unsuccessful, and that means when you fight later in the story you don’t have enough strength and lose. Or maybe you choose to be the largest of the litter and that gives you an advantage in battle or something.

Feel free to post thoughts, ideas, and bits of your story in the forums and request feedback on what you’re writing. There are other helpful writers here that will offer help if you ask for it. And perhaps most of all – write more! Writing a decent story in 800 words is pretty difficult. Aim for 8,000 and see how your story develops! Good luck.

Needs more work...ALOT more work