Player Comments on Eliel
Okay, this was better than expected actually. Needs a Geared for Children tag, and next time try making it longer and using more detail. When something important or interesting happens, show it, don't just briefly tell us about it. We get welcomed to the city, there's a lot of emotion? Why not show Kitsune hugging and thanking us while her family cries with happiness, that sort of thing? Write the things that are happening, that's what keeps a reader captivated and imagining it all along with you.
Anyway, congrats on understanding that whole 'grammar' thing and being smarter than your classmates. I'm guessing you read books on your own, and possibly are Asian.
on 10/19/2017 12:21:07 PM with a score of 0