Player Comments on Escape School

This was insanely random and linear. I didn't enjoy it in all honestly.

The first decision is death VS progression, and that just doesn't seem right. I mean, do you really want someone to take one glance at your story, click a single link, leave the game, rate it poorly, and think nothing more of it?

This was incredibly random, and the first death page was basically: "you eat a cupcake and choke, then see it has yellow powder in it. You die and now you're a ghost trying to find out who killed you."

That seems very random and incredibly linear. There was slightly more description then I mentioned, but it was still quite short and random.

Then there was the spacing. I felt some paragraphs would have been neater and more organized if they'd been spaced out.

The writing has potential, but the plot really makes little sense to me, and it feels rather cliche.

I did enjoy some parts of it, but a lot of it wasn't enjoyable in my opinion.

2/8.

Well, this would be more fun if there were less death links (although, in your defense, the 'good' links were really obvious)
and if you made it like a puzzle; little mysteries here and there, maybe you try to find the SAINT hideout instead of just knowing where they are (secret hide-out behind a peculiar bookshelf in the library? secret trapdoor underneath a certain student's desk? the possibilities are endless :D).
You could also make it so that the weird device would be hidden somewhere hard to find and there are clues (maybe some are written in code? You could find a graffiti saying "atbash" or "2 letters forward", hinting how to crack the code.)
Maybe some nice girl (secretly from SAINT) in the beginning stops you and says something like "Don't trust the teachers" or "Don't eat the food" so you would get a hint. Heck, maybe you even have a crush on this girl.

I think you can make this into a fun puzzle-ish storygame.

Minor bug: Even if you don't go to to the Teacher's Lounge you could still give Jenny the H2O.

The poem was shit.

It was very easy with the hints, thanks.

Amazing

ok

I didn't read any of it except for the clues. But I won first try!

Ah yes, trapped in the school. Quite the classic CYOA game. It sounds like this one has good potential, but with a length of three, I’m not sure there’s going to be a lot there.

The first page starts out nice with a very basic description of the setting. There really could be quite a bit more here. You could spend 500 words just on the waking up process, especially since the main character appears to be a teenager in high school. You could add smells, feelings, sounds, and other things to really expand the setting here and really get the reader involved in the story. More descriptions can help the reader really feel like they are part of the story here.

Well, one click later and the story is done. Why is that? I’m guessing the rest of this story is going to be more of the same: “Pick the right choice, and you don’t know which one that is, or you die,” aka lolrandom. It is very, very difficult to make a lolrandom story that people like. It is just, well, too random. You do have some different choices that lead different places, but even in an lolrandom it is nice when the author leaves a few clues here and there to let the reader have some clue which choice is going to lead to instant death – even if the clues are completely obvious. For example, in one of my stories, the trap door that leads to death on the alien ship is marked with bright red and yellow lettering. The reader can’t tell they say “Danger,” but the clue is enough so that if the reader picks that choice, they’re not completely surprised by the story ending. This is not the case in this story, clearly.

The rest of the story doesn’t contain quite so many random, fast endings, but it does contain many where you really have no idea what’s going to happen. There’s no logic or reason for the reader to choose one of the options on the page over the other one – or at least none that the reader can see. It is nice to see a lot of options and endings, but it is even nicer when there are complete stories that lead to each option and ending. A lot of expansion is needed for this to be an effective and entertaining story. Thank you for sharing it with the site.

2/8, too linear.

That was short

Sooooooo boooooring!!!!! Plus you due to easily

i killed a pastor with pizza

super intresting and funny to listen to

It's really cool

Yay

Right, don't easy pizza or cupcake so nothing round happens in this world. ;)

Well, that was.... interesting. Helped pass a bit of time, though. I enjoy how you used the advanced editor to make pages seemingly appear out of no where where they weren't before. Either you made an entirely different page or you used the use once/ appear when technique. But it was all mostly pretty good.

What a cliche plot. It's not well executed.

If your parents knew the school was so bad, why did they send you there? Plot hole found.

Very Good

good

This was random, but in a good way. I enjoyed the humor and I managed to get the one ending where you actually escape the dreaded school.

i don't really like it.

Good job! You have to be clever to escape the school, but it is worth the 5 minutes of playing time!

Why do the cupcakes kill you?

Not even cool

Death by food, I always knew it would come to that.

lol cool

I went through every single ending there was...that was really fun (seriously it was)

This is just. . . I don't even. . . just. . . no.

I lasted about two sections which shows that "go for the cake" is not always the best policy. I like the zaniness but I wish I hadn't died so quickly and that the story had lasted longer...

Interesting story, a fun trip through alternate dimensions.

A good story! You should make a second on about another kid going there or something!

I made that pox-ridden teacher eat PIZZA, worst torture ever! (You'll get what I mean when you play the game)

Too short. I like how you try to use Poem but..

Loved it

This made no scents.

A little extra description and atmosphere would be nice.

I almost made it. DAMN. LOL

I liked it, it was clever.

pretty fun, loved the pizza.

pretty good game.

Well I really liked things like the poem and trying to figure out what everything meant and stuff, but I can't remember ever finding the device thing, and yet somehow I had it at the end. Was still fun though.

It was intresting espicially with the pizza and dimension thing.

Nice

Not very interesting, could be better

if it is the best i say and ever one follows if not they dont read it it is good but make lots more choices people sould read it

I won! Go me!

I liked it. You had to use your brain but not to the point that you get irritable, and it was relatively well written (with the occasional corny joke, but there's no reason to vote down for that :P), and you obviously put effort into it. It's not great, but good.

Not sure if horror is the right place for it though.

It was just ok for me. It wasn't terrible by any means, but the grammar and plot were a little weird and things weren't really explained so well.

*Spoiler warning*

(If this thing happened to the characters Dad before, why didn't the Mother say anything about it? Why couldn't the Saint's save themselves?)

*End of spoilers*

All in all, it could have been better with more development and effort but it wasn't all bad. There was a decent plot and a good amount of options to choose from.

4/8

Its ok. Needed more information though. Why are the teachers doing this? Why is this happening? Why is there food out? Also I didn't actually use the peom and still managed to do it. But it was cool to add the peom. More story and less deaths I think as its fairly short. Well done anyway

Not bad for a first game! Could use some more work in grammar and expansion in options, but it looks like you could make some potentially good games! Keep it up!

To short and not a very strong plot-line. The "SAINT" type club is a good idea for more stories though.