Player Comments on Faithful or not?

"Another bad dream?"
"Honey...I want to break up..."
"What why?!"
"I was having a dream where I accomplished my dream and became King of the Toads and you woke me up....this just isn't going to work."
".............okay bye!"

Well that was dark. Lol.

I've never been invited to calibrate a date before but it sounds... tricky. My story ended in the middle of a state of unresolvedness and I think if I ever told my girlfriend I'd had a bad dream of a forrest of frogs she'd laugh, tell all of her friends and go out of her way to buy every toad in the world's pet shops and use some sort of catapult for frogs to pelt me when I was sleeping... I don't think most people over 14 have those sort of nightmares and if they're under 14 they probably shouldn't be sleeping with their girlfriends...
It's an odd sort of story and Kiel covers all the points much better than me, essentially it's too short and the title delivers the whole stories premise, the text only fills in the little details and mostly they're not that realistic.

It was very short, pointless and I couldn't seem to actually be able to stay faithful.

This story is going to get deleted, so I am reviewing this purely for your benefit. I'm assuming you don't know -why- it's a 1/8, and I'm going to tell you:

1. This story is bare-boned on its pages. Read the well rated stories on here. Even the short ones are more descriptive, engaging, and detailed than this. You are not providing enough of a context and a world to your reader.

2. The characters are not likable or relate-able. You've forced me to be either a suicidal doormat to a bitch or a future murder-victim serial cheater. The girls who are in love with me are both insane. I don't want to have anything to do with either one of them... which brings me to ...

3. None of the choices are any good. There is no happy ending. It's either kill myself or be killed if I want to read an actual conclusion. And because of that...

4. Your description / summary of the story is a lie. You are not making me choose between being "faithful" or "cheating" because, so long as the story is progressing, you actually force me to cheat. The only choice you allow me to make without automatically ending the game and giving me NO conclusion or explanation whatsoever... is whether to kill myself or my girlfriend. I have no other real choice throughout the game. Even if I try to stop the other girl, you do not allow me to choose to be faithful. Period, and because of that...

5. The story is linear. It's boring, it's disappointing, and it's not a real "choose your own adventure" because my choices don't really matter. Regardless of what I do, I will cheat, I will watch two girls try to kill each other, Cindy will die, and I will die. None of these events can be changed unless I end the story before reaching an actual ending. Period.

6. Even with very little content, this game still many errors. Glaring ones, at that. You "celebrate" not "calibrate" at a "restaurant," not a "resturant," and you have to shop -for- a present for your girlfriend "today" not "to day."

She still "has" beautiful hair, unless she only "had" it for a while, and has shaved herself bald in foreshadowing to show the player she's a lunatic. It would be my "girlfriend's" favorite clothing store, unless I'm already a serial cheater and I do, indeed, have "girlfriends."

What the main character needs for his actions is an "excuse," not an "exuse," just like you need one for your spelling. The moment when the characters had a make out session was "uncomfortable" just like the majority of the story, and unless "Kissing" is my other girlfriend, it needs to be just kept to "kissing" and nothing more.

Leaving your quotes open like you did with "Kill her" made it seem like some unseen party was telling me to kill Cindy, rather than Cindy telling me to kill someone else, and apparently I listened, because I was given that option and not the option to kill Kelly as she was trying to tell me to do. Also, that is what Kelly couldn't "believe" not "belive," and what I can't believe is that you didn't put an end game link for either of the two real endings of this game even though they are posted throughout the other pages at random.

At the end, I could either commit suicide (because one does not, in fact, "take suicide") or, alternatively, when I got "married" I was "eventually" "murdered," much like you've tried diligently to do with the English language here.

7. A forest full of toads sounds like paradise in comparison to most of my nightmares. I have literally no sympathy for the main character in that regard and feel it contributed literally nothing to the narrative. In addition to that, if my girlfriend is the bitch you made her out to be, I can't understand why you had her show me any sympathy over something that stupid.

In conclusion: Please proof read, give actual choices often, go into detail, make characters that we can care about without being psychotic, and in general, try harder.

......No.

*runs off with free point*