Player Comments on Frozen Bones

Eh, I guess it was ok...

It was incredibly linear and undescriptive at some points, for example, I feel weak, and darkness overwhelms me... then I have to end the game... that could have used a bit more detail and description. Did I die? Did I get lost or something?

The plot was really good in my opinion, and I found it interesting for a CYOA. The setting was also interesting, but more detail would have been better. I suppose the detail was sufficient, but more would have fleshed it out better in my opinion.

You did a great job with the spacing, and Nycto was right: it wasn't choppy. But I did notice a few chunks that could have been spaced apart better, put together, etc.

I didn't spot a lot of branching here, but there were a few choices. Despite having quite a lot of writing on some pages (although way more on some then others) this storygame was rather short.

3/8.

This was interesting idea-wise, but I have some issues with it. The writing was nice, and wasn't choppy. The author did very well with making the sentences flow together without too much time skipped in between. It was a very complet story expressed in a shorter way than usual, so it was a bit fast-paced in some moments. I think that the author could have spread it out more and added more detail and background in between.

This is very, very linear. As I was reading, I noticed a lot of parts where it could be turned into a choice for the reader. Speaking of choices, there is no clues as to what happens with each choice, so the reader is forced to guess and hope that they chose the correct option. Like 95% of the author's here, they didn't proofread they're storygame, and now you've got one riddled with spelling and grammar errors that could have easily been avoided.

I hope in the future the author will take into consideration all of this and update his storygame. Just what I've got here will boost his rating tremendously and it could possibly become one of the better stories on the site.

3/8.

This was an interesting start, you built up a character of sorts. an NPC to interact with and, an overall goal to hook the player in.

Sadly this is clearly unfinished (As you warn people beforehand) and due to it's unfinished nature none of the good starts you made come to fruition.

Below will be spoilers. Do not read if you have not played the storygame.

The idea of this story is very good. I was already intrigued by the idea of becoming a necromancer and potentially wage war against humanity.

The fact that the story was not finished and ended at a point where you just start to delve deeper into the interesting part is very sad. It rips the reader from reaching the height of the plot and prevents you from being fully captivated by the story.
What you also lack is a lot of description and background. Why did the protagonist leave his grandma? Did he simply not like her? Why does he have a reason to want to become more powerful? Does he have enemies to destroy or someone he wants to save from the dead?
The scenery was not to well described. Always remember to not only use sight but also the other senses to let the reader immerse himself deeper into the story.

Another thing is that, even though I am not great at grammar myself, even I could spot some mistakes. For me that means it are mistakes that disrupt the flow of reading and make it hard to get behind what you want to tell us.

Because the story is clearly not finished but also has a very interesting theme and plot you get a 3/8 from me.

Ehh, did not feel like a choose your own adventure game. Choices were too limited. Other than that it was a good story line.

It was just getting good and you stopped it?!?!? Please continue.

I would like you to finish the book please. Good start.

Cliffhanger nice

Finish the book. I want to kill things with dead people hahahahaha.

Awww, cliffhanger. I hope you finish it soon.

I would either have to work very hard on those, or get a co-author.

I'll see what I can do.

Good so far, but besides the obvious spelling mistakes, there
needs to be a few revisions in your wording, on some pages.

It's fairly linear so far, but if this is just the beginning I can't wait to see the rest.

looks like it could get interesting......

Better than ground zero

I will add more links later:) Please, as it is, rate it more like you would a story, rather than a game:)

Very well thought out, excellent plot. Feels extremely linear though

i love it. i think the story is really original. But more choices would be better. you don't to give even 5 but at least 2 would be good.

I liked the idea, and you definitely have the ability to write. There are some spelling and grammatical issues in the game, and I think it's a little too straight forward when you only give me 1 choice (like-duh). I mean, if the person only has 1 choice, why would they bother reading the story? So yeah, more choices, go over your work, and continue! :D

Write more of the story and add more choices and I'll play it.

it was very short bu its okay

boring

I don't play these but I think it is very constructive for your age and this type of letting your imagination work can take to many places in the future.

From PL. I like these sort of games as they are intriguing and classic. My only suggestion is about the skull, maybe you could say the skull emits magic that feels as old as the world rather than saying a fact but saying you don't know it. A few pictures or background texture like a scroll with the writing in script would add to the effect.

Well done

it might be better when or if you decide to finish it.

I've had the chance to read other story's like these and all of them sucked. But not yours. Sure it had a few grammar mistakes and what not, but it was still good. I enjoyed it. Hope you add more to it.

Ran through it and can't say that I was really intrigued by it, though I usually don't like these types of games. Anyway, here's a list of improvements to be made, if you're not lazy enough to read it :)
1. More correct use of English language (there were some grammar mistakes).
2. Try doing something different with the layout: white page with black letters on it is kind of generic and doesn't contribute anything to the atmosphere of freezing and being in a crypt. I'd suggest a light blue background page with black letters on it to emulate frost when the reader is outside, and a darker type of blue or grey when the reader comes inside the crypt (not too dark, though, so that that it would be still possible to read the black letters). I'd also suggest adding some pictures.
3. More options to choose from and a longer story line. The biggest amount of options I had was two, and then ther

I'd read more if you decide to write it :)

The writing seems good but even though it's a demo, it is hard to rate for such a small story.

It's hard to tell you much based on only a couple of pages, but the first choic really bugged me, cause there was no wayto tell what the result of either would be.
Also, so far it seems very linear, but that could just be the first part.

Random consequences are bad- give readers a choice of consequences instead

It's a good idea, though you might want to ask someone to read through it and fix grammar and spelling before you publish it for real.