Player Comments on Hey Mom

Just a really fast run-through...

I really, really, really, really, REALLY wanted it to be more in-depth than a "you do this, and that, and this, and that." If you read EndMaster's stories, he pretty much loops many important events in his character's life to make a decent amount of years. In your case, you're skipping all the good parts, like the relationships and children. Instead, you're aiming for a summary. That is a big no-no. The story will not become a story if you only make it a compilation of summaries, and it will only give the readers a very "hawk" point of view.

I want to give you a higher rating on your story but some things stood out to me. But first, let's start with the good:

I liked the idea. Choosing my life(Even though I'm not a girl) was fun. I'm glad that the choices that I made didn't end on stupid links like, "And an anvil dropped on your head. Dummy!" Also, nice amount of options for me to choose from and good spelling. Those things are usually hard for people just starting out.

The only bad things I noticed was that the sentences were a bit choppy. It hopped from line to line like this, "And then we went there. And then we went here. And then I'm pregnant". You might want not to gloss over important details. Also, I got the feeling you wanted me to get pregnant very soon as most of the options either led me on to continue my career or get settled down.

A little more branching could be put in there.

Overall, I felt it was an average game but I get the feeling you're going to be a lot better in the future.

4/8

Unrealistic, I'm Lesbian.

Holy fuck I dumped my first boyfriend after only 3 weeks what did he do shit in my mouth?

Anyway the transition from highschool to adult hood happened in two sentences on one page which I felt was really abrupt and kind of set the tone on what to expect from this story with expectations given the overall score that it has.

The link given to a site that gave what some rando lady thinks seems to say that the author made this just for the fun of it which is if that was their goal then all the power to them.

Still on story standpoint there was pretty much none and while the choices in themselves weren't really linear per say, they didn't lead to anything that could be said to be really that drastic and most of the endings end up feeling the same.

Overall a decent effort but that's all there is to say for this story.

its ok, but its like so bland

not bad

i really liked it thats why i gave it a seven

Very short but very cool

U Suck.

Well, that was surprisingly satisfactory. It was over pretty quickly. I don't think this is really about love and romance? It's more about living your life as a whole. Romance is just something that happens along the way. Like babies.

So you're going to get pregnant no matter what you choose? What if I don't want kids? I chose not to get pregnant and yet I got pregnant anyway. And then for some reason I kept on making babies. It all worked out in the end somehow, though.

I think my ending was bad. ??? I'm not sure why. The comment below it didn't seem to make sense.

way to much text and short

Short and to the point, How I would live life (Even though I wouldn't be popular ^_^' )

Gotta say, the title of this story is disappointingly misleading considering that it’s in the Love and Romance section.

This story could be really good, but it has some major issues.

It lacks character development--all characters remain completely generic with no personality.

The story as a whole is generic--it lacks detail-those little touches that give context, that make the reader feel as though they are actually there & "draw" a picture in the reader's mind.

The spelling, grammar, punctuation, and the structure as a whole need a great deal of work.

I see potential here--there is just a lot of skill development needed & groundwork to learn.

Idea is nice, but that's it

Your options in this game, be a stay at home mom or work harder. Oh you chose to work harder? Have a child, not slowing down, have a few more. Congatulations your a terribal mother, but a great worker!

I don't like it
its confusing

lol

Very average. Didn't really engage me and things happen quickly. You need to add more depth to make this a good story.

This is a romance without the romance :) It reminds me of the Oscar Wilde quote "those who know the cost of everything know the value of nothing". Sometimes it's good to linger over the joyful memories of life and enjoy the passion of romance a little more?

Really badly written

real good more deatails n choosing what and you would do or say

It was good but it all ended the same. It was kind of boring.

This was just like real life!

It was kind of disappointing. Very short, very easy (the difficulty should be a 4) and it was cute, in a way. However, it's weird. If you marry your boss and have 1 kid, then ask your boss for less hours, then your boss has 2 kids. But... You married your boss. And you only had one kid. A lot of the choices weren't fleshed out at all, and while it was quirky, it was just so... lacking, really.

Good stuff.

It was consistent, a good read, and had a stable plot.

Pretty good 4/8

Short, but that's not to say it wasn't enjoyable!

GIven the choice between marriage, majoring in English, and going into business, I'd choose ritual suicide.

This is really fun! You all are amazing!

Why was Harvey included and not I?

Well, the writing was not bad, but the lack of paragraphing made the story a little hard to read. Also, I didn't really get what was going on most of the time.